Me and have lied to each other,however, he fails to accept any responsibility for being dishonest. When confronted he will always bring up something I've done in the past and say you have done way more wrong things than I have. I feel that keeping record is very toxic to a relationship.also when I am asked to express how I feel. I am reluctant due to the same outcome. That outcome always ends up with him doing nothing wrong and me doing all wrong. He will never admit when he is wrong. He yells and bullies me to get out of having to take any responsibility for his actions. I'm getting more and more resentful and our relationship is getting farther and farther apart. I think I fell in love with an ideal image and am in this 3 yrs now and I am trying to convince myself that I still love him when in reality I don't even like him as a boyfriend. I think I would like him some if we were just friends. Please give me your opinion on this and thanks.

I do not know the extent of the "wrongs". . But bringing up stuff from the past IS toxic to a relationship. Once enough harm is done, it is tough letting the "wrong(s)" go. It's at this point when you have to make a choice... either let the wrong go, or the relationship.

This is a tough situation, and I am sorry that you are in it, but in my opinion, I would not like to hear how "wrong" I've been, day-in and day-out.

Everyone makes mistakes during a relationship. Owning your mistake is important, and working through it is even more important, but it should not be jammed in your face every time you slip up.

Regarding you BF owning his mistakes.. . Some people just think they do nothing wrong.. it's not healthy.

I agree with sharper11, he's probably one of them people that just don't see that they're wrong, usually imature people. I get the feeling your at a stage in your relationship where you DO know you don't want to be with him but 3 years is a long time and you don't know what you used to do before him.. what did you do on nights alone.. or certain days of the week when your usually with him... its hard but don't be afraid to be alone, I'm sure it will be better than this.. I used to be afraid to be alone, and I remember a friend asked did I love the guy I was with or was I afraid of being alone, I wasn't sure and after 3 years with him I just took the plunge and went with my heart and ended it and a few weeks later after giving up our home etc I stood outside my folks house, on a lovely clear night smoking a ciggaret (dont take up smoking LOL) and I thought to myself "this is lovely, im free, i have my self to myself to do what i like" I didn't cry once, all I felt was relief. So my advice to you is go with your gut feeling, its always right.

He is who he is, and probably won't change, and if you don't like him as a boyfriend, dump him. If you end up trying to be friends, and that doesn't work, then disappear from his life.

It is a defense mechanism. He does something wrong, but is prepared to 'right' that by balancing it with your wrongs, making his seem far less important. Not only that, he deflects from the problem at hand (not taking responsibility), and bringing up past wrongs of yours, makes you feel at fault, confused, off track, and thinking that perhaps you are no better than he is. After all, you have 'wrongs' yourself.

People like your boyfriend are always one step ahead of you, and quite predictable. Say he chooses to do something he knows is wrong (blow the house payment at the race track). He makes that choice, knowing that no real consequence can come of it, because, he brings up a wrong of yours, to minimize his own. He is quite prepared to defeat your arguments well ahead of time, and his strategy is to deflect, confuse, and pull whatever he has to from his arsenal of your 'wrongs', in order to justify, pacify, minimize, and deflect, responsibility from what he has done.

It's almost impossible to get through. Let alone try to express your disappointment or anger in a constructive way, because he doesn't fight fair.

Any 'wrongs' should have been 'righted' by forgiveness. And that means, working through a problem, and coming out the other end without anything attached for future use. Him keeping an inventory, instead of letting the past stay in the past, puts him in a position of never being accountable or truthful or honest, and you left frustrated and angry. I'll bet there are small wrongs that he does that you don't even bring up, because you know that he'll throw something you've done way back when, and you won't get anywhere anyway.

People who use other people to justify their own behaviour, do so for a reason. Why he cannot deal with the simple expectation of working through a problem with you in a mature way, and instead choose to argue by throwing everything but the kitchen sink into one problem, making it a huge mess, instead of a simple one, is anybody's guess. I would think it would be easier to take your lumps and get it over with.

He has made problems about winning, instead of dealing with a problem, no matter how big or small, in a mature way. He isn't likely to let go of so much control and determination to win at any cost. Even if he did deal with one problem, work through one problem, and never mention the past problems between the two of you again, I'm not so sure he wouldn't be doing that in order not to win anyway. All he might do is just change tactics by showing compliance with fighting fair, but underneath the surface, he hasn't learned a thing.

Great explanation and response!