My man and I have been together for 7years now.
Now, my man has been living in the city for a month and a bit (our 3boys and I live in a small town about 500kms away) to try and sort us out a life up there with him.
So far, I thought everything was going great. But my instincts are telling me otherwise.

He came back a couple of days ago to celebrate our sons 4th birthday. It was fun and I was so excited to see him. But he has been acting really strangely; he doesn't touch me how he used to, he doesn't cuddle me, he's withdrawn. He kind of acts like a zombie.

On the first night of his arrival, he was being really quiet so I asked him if there was anything he needed to tell me. He replied “I do, but now is not the right time
I pressed on about it, but he wouldn't say anything. My gut started feeling funny, and I knew that I had to listen to it. I asked him openly and honestly is there someone else? He looked straight into my eyes and started crying, while still saying no.

He keeps talking about our spark in the relationship has gone, which is now adding fuel to my suscpions.

I flat out asked him today that if he honours our relationship and my love, he would tell me the truth. He then asked me if I was ready, so I nodded. He grabbed my hand and held it, sobbing and saying I'm sorry
Then I ask who she is and then he starts denying it, saying that he was thinking of leaving me!

Just when I think I'm going to get any truth out of him, he blatantly points the finger back at me and says that I've hurt him in the past etc.

He just finished calling me saying that he HAS NOT slept with anyone else. Now I don't believe him.

I used to cherish our relationship. I never ever thought he could cheat on me. I trusted him completely and now Im thinking I may have been wrong? Please help me!!

I don't know if he is cheating but he is trying to withdraw from this long distance relationship. I advise you to keep your own emotional distance, and protect yourself, and tell him that straight up until you know the truth one way or another you cannot welcome him in your life.

If indeed they are his kids though, let him be a good dad, and see this as a turning point and be ready fir a change, because I can see nothing happening unless there is an honest dialog between you.

Sorry you are going through this, but I hope you get to the facts soon. I know 7 years is a long time to be with someone, you thought was in a family with you.
That's why you have to be straight and honest about what's happening between you.

I've had something similar happen too me. The man might of enjoyed having the single life, doesn't mean he has cheated on you but he has only enjoyed being single and be able to do what he wants, I know my boyfriend was on holidays for a mnth and he come home really strange so I thought the worst then my friend told me that maybe he needs some space to do his own thing so I let him have it I didn't get up him for going to the pubs and that and within two weeks he was back too normal

Look, I can't seem to shake it from my head. I love this man to bits! He's a great dad, and a loving person. If he had nothing to hide why would he feel the need to apologize? He even got to the point of releasing some 'guilt' by saying that he is sorry, he's ready to tell me the truth but he doesn't want to name any names. THEN he says that it doesn't mean anything and he loves me. Gosh, in the 7yrs I have never dealt with these mindgames before and its driving me insane! I'm going insane just thnkng about this!

Does it really matter what the reason is?

While you concentrate on whether there is another woman, he has been telling you that the relationship is not working for him.

Him not wanting to 'name names' makes it seem likely he's involved with someone else, or thinking about being involved with someone else, but how do you know that it hasn't been going on for months anyway.

Either way, it is hard to determine the reason, without any honesty. I suspect that there have been problems for him to 'suddenly' start thinking about life without you. Maybe this started a long time ago, and you are now only seeing the end of the relationship.

If he does come clean about his feelings, and why he's saying and behaving the way he does, only then will you have a chance to know who, or what, the 'foe' is, and have a fighting chance to deal with it.

I asked him if he wants it to be over and he stated "no, ilove u and i want u to come and live with me". If that's the case, why bring up all this unnecessary crap to the table? Man its sooooo confusing :/

Is it possible that he's feeling guilty about leaving you on your own with the kids, and he's being hard on himself for not having made arrangements already? Wondering if you shouldn't just give him the benefit of the doubt that he last said, he loves you and wants you to come and live with him.

One thing I wouldn't do is push. Try not to bring the subject up, no matter how badly you want to figure this out. I would however, as him if he'd be more comfortable putting off your move date so he can be less pressured. That may turn out to be a good move, if he is reluctant for other reasons.

The only other thing at this point I can think of is, don't quit your job if you are working, or sell furniture etc. until you are absolutely certain that this move is the right thing- for you.

Maybe your right jake? It sounds quite logical. However this 'infidelity' issue is eating me alive and this is def not healthy for me and us. I don't want us to be togethr if there are going to be doubts planted in the back of my head. How can we truly be happy if there are the those doubts? I'm stuck and don't know what to do.

You need to be sure, before you move, that you have confidence in his commitment, and that means you have to have no doubt in your mind that he is being honest with you.

If you have nagging doubt that cannot be worked out, no matter what the reason may turn out to be, I don't think it's a good idea to make such a huge committment to move.And I see nothing wrong with being honest with him, with that fact. You can't accuse him of cheating if you don't know he's cheating. And if you feel he is holding back, and not being truthful about his own words and actions, then the decision falls to you whether to go or not.

I would give him an opportunity to explain why his words have confused you, without being accusatory, and keep your emotions in check. If you give him this opportunity, and he doesn't take it, or you are still feeling that he is holding something back, and that you cannot trust him, then the next step would be up to you.

Right, I asked you guys in feb what should I do as I was positive my man of 7years cheated on me. Last week I found out the truth. After separating from him a month after posting my previous question (due to suspicions) I found on his phone text messages from the other girlfriend, as well as messages from another girl he had been sleeping with! (she is 17, he and I are 26- EWWWW)

He says that at the time I wasn't catering to his needs, I was always insecure and that's why he cheated. I feel so betrayed, broken, hurt, confused, angry and pretty much depressed.

I worked my a** off trying to be a good wife, a good mother, and what do I get? A slap in the effin face.

Now he's claimed that its over with both girl. He claims he was wrong, he's sorry and now he wants his family back together and I love him with all my heart but I don't know if I can forget all this crap! (which then equals suspicion, dihonesty, insecurities, jelousy bla bla) and I know it won't be a healthy relationship.

For f*** sakes, can someone please lend their advice!

Take your time away from him, and let the hurts, and disappointments settle down before you make a decision. He was plain selfish and wrong, and you have every right to tend your own wounds for a time. DO SO, and then think about what you want, and how best to get it, on your own terms, NOT his.

I agree. You know the consequences if you go back now; insecurities and suspicions will eat you alive. Don't let him take you for granted. Take your time to consider and observe, his actions have to match the promises.

That said, don't put your kids through this. Let them have a healthy relationship with their dad.

How old was the 17 year old when the affair started?

No one will ever know if he really cheated on you or not... what I CAN tell you is that he no longer wants in the relationship. Start remaking your life and keep yourself busy and moving forward, give yourself time to heal from this. Whether he cheated or not is not really important.