Ask Me Help Desk - I want to have sex but I can't

Ok, so I love sex; who doesn't right. Well I had a girlfriend for 2 years an we had amazing daily sex. Unfortunately we broke up a flyway ago and the problems started rolling in. Web I'm with my girlfriend I want to have sex and I have an arresting the whole time, but when I go to have intercoarse or put on a condom I lose it. I'm a 22 year old guy who can't have sex and it sucks, it's not Ed because I get harder than Chinese algebra but I just don't have the drive when it comes to intercourse. Is it because it's the wrong girl for me, am I not ready, will I ever be, do I need psychological help, or will another girl other than the one who I lost my virginity to just take time because it's not the same for my heart??

I will be honest that I had a bit of trouble understanding your post.

Are you with a new girlfriend? If so, how long have you been dating her and how long have you been having this problem? How do you feel about this person? Are you still hung up on your ex?

How long were you celibate before trying to have sex with this female? Did you masturbate a lot during that time? It could be that you are used to feel of skin on skin and that the condom isn't allowing the same stimulation. You can see if a change in condoms allows for greater sensation and helps.

ED covers more than just getting an erection. It also covers the ability to keep one. Failure to maintain an erection can be caused by a number of issues including apprehension, environment, use of certain medications, distractions, concentrating too much on the process of getting the condom and not enough on staying aroused, etc.

If you are worried about pleasing or being pleased or if this is the right person, it can affect your arousal. It may be that you aren't ready to be in a new relationship or that you need more time developing this relationship before it becomes sexual. You might try building up the intimacy and connecting on other levels before having intercourse.

You might try having her put the condom on you. Making it part of the act instead of an aside or letting it be a distraction.

Good luck.

I had a bit of trouble understanding your post. It would be very handy if you could re-read what you wrote so we can give you better answers to solve your issue.

I believe that he is using a translator or something. I think it could be phonetically spelt. For example,
Unfortunately we broke up a flyway ago and the problems started rolling in.
Could be read as:
Unfortunately we broke up a while ago and the problems started rolling in.

As near as I can gather this fellow is 22 Years old. He had amazing sex with his Girlfriend, but they broke up. With his current girlfriend he is having troubles. He gets an erection but when he tries to put on the condom he loses it. He does not believe that it is ED because he is getting the erection. He is trying to figure out why and is questioning whether it is the woman or situation that is causing this.

First bits of advice, and sorry if I cover the same ground as Cat1864.

First off, see a doctor if you're are really concerned about this. He will be able to tell you if there is a problem. I do not think there is medical problem, but it will rule it out completely. Be frank and honest, I know this is embarrassing but they have heard worse.

Next I would try different brands of condoms. I have learned that some just don't work on me. If they're too small then they cut off circulation and my erection goes away. Find one that does it for you. Maybe go thinner.

This is probably more important then the above. I think you might be breaking the mood in your head. You're turned on but something clicks in your head when you go about this and it disappears. Do you keep them near you? Do you go hunting around for them? If you have to go to the medicine cabinet and put it on, you're going to lose it. Maybe get your GF to put it on you. Make it part of foreplay.

You might need to play around with things to get it right. Beyond that, see a doctor.

Sorry about the mistakes in the earlier text, I just got an iPhone and am still getting use to the self correct. Anyway thanks for the help everyone. I've really thought about it when it happened to me today. I think it's just weird for me that she's not my first love, I'm not crazy about her and I think I'm forcing myself to make her happy. Does this mean I should break up with her? I've ran through it and found that yea I get an errection because of the idea of sex, however when we atop kissing and rubbing so I can put on the condom I lose interest because I don't want to have sex with her to start with. I like her but I don't know if I want to be with her If that makes sense. I'm not playing her, but I think I'm playing myself. Should I tell her the truth or??

You should be honest with her that you aren't ready for sex right now. You are still working through the baggage from your last relationship. Would she be willing to take the relationship back to casual dating? If she has stronger feelings or higher expectations than you do, then breaking up is probably for the best.

Is this woman your first girlfriend since you broke up with the ex? Did you do much dating between relationships?

If you feel like you are still holding on to the past to the point that it is affecting the present and future, then there is no shame in talking to a counselor and getting yourself pointed in the right direction. However, you probably would do as well right now to just have fun and date casually with no expect ions of a serious relationship. Enjoy getting to know different women in different settings. Learn how to interact with them and discover what you are looking for in a relationship. Be properly prepared for sex, but don't try to force yourself to take that step if you aren't ready.

Good luck.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pkrfan07

Sorry about the mistakes in the earlier text, I just got an iPhone and am still getting use to the self correct. N e ways thanx for the help everyone. I've really thought about it when it happened to me today. I think it's just weird for me that she's not my first love, I'm not crazy about her and I think I'm forcing myself to make her happy. Does this mean I should break up with her? I've ran thru it and found that yea I get an errection because of the idea of sex, however when we atop kissing and rubbing so I can put on the condom I lose interest because I don't wanna have sex with her to start with. I like her but idk if I wanna be with her If that makes sense. I'm not playing her, but I think I'm playing myself. Should I tell her the truth or????

I think you have the answer right there to be honest. "I don't wanna (sic) have sex with her to start with." "I like her but idk (sic) if I wanna (sic) be with her..."

You are playing yourself here. Tell her the truth. It is better to be alone then to be in a relationship that you're intending to end eventually. You might not know it now, but you're intending to end this. You're not satisfied, and you will do something that will cause it to end. It won't be malicious. It is a mark of maturity to realize this state of the relationship and it is a kindness to end it at this point. Do not invest more if you're not interested in her. It will save you both heartache later.

I suppose, to be crass, you're little head is thinking right and trying to put that message into the head on your shoulders. If you gather my meaning...

I understand the pains of the iPhone autocorrect. By the way, "Anyway" takes fewer characters to write then "N e ways". Through. I don't Know. It might be rough on the iPhone, but please try not to use chat speak. It makes you sound like you're 14, and if the mods think you're under 18 then they'll delete the thread.