My boyfriend and I dated for 3 months but sometimes, he'd bring up his ex girlfriend. He told me he hates her a lot because of the things she's done to him (she was cheating on him), he told me I'm his first love and what he felt for her was nothing but lust. He even created a game after me. But sometimes, when we're together, he tells me things like 'If we ever get married, I want to invite my ex to our wedding to let her see what she missed out on (because she cheated on him)'. That did it for me, I was so hung up on that statement. He's also still using the wallet his ex gave him even though they broke up for almost a year. They were dating for 5 years previously, broke up for almost a year, he met me for a month and we dated for 3 months now. He'd keep telling me how much he hated his ex and whenever I told him it sounded like he was still hung up on his ex, we'd get into huge arguments and he would ask me why am I even letting her destroy what we have. I told him that if she could make him hate her to that extend, she would always be part of our lives. I don't know what to do. Sometimes when he touches me, he would tell me that he used to do that to his ex and she would ask him why is he touching her and he told her because she had a nice butt. He told me I was the hottest among his ex girlfriends all put together. Do you think he's lying? Do you think my hunches are right? I'm thinking of a break up if this continues despite loving him so much.

I think your hunch is right... After 5 years together, he is still hurting. Be very careful you don't get hurt.

Hate is a feeling just like love, and there is but a thin line between them, so yes he still has strong intense feelings for her, and hasn't resolved them yet.

Just curious though, why have you not told him to never mention her to you ever again? I would have. And its only been 3 months, with him, so be cautious, very, very cautious, because he obviously still has a lot of old baggage to unpack, and that could take years.

Protect your heart, he isn't ready for a healthy adult relationship, I don't care what he says, as his words and actions don't match. Judge for yourself.

In a way you are right yes. Like the previous answer 5 years... thats a freaking long time.. so its more then likely feelings are their.. I split with my boyfriend of a year this weekend... prior to me he'd been with his ex for nearly 2 years... he'd tell me hated her ( because she cheated on him too) but yet when we weren't okay... shed always pop out of nowhere... if you read the question I have on my page you'll see in depth what I mean about him and her, but be very very very careful in this situation... anything is possible. Men lie through their teeth about ANYTHING!. good luck!

Does ldr in your nickname stand for "long distance relationship"?

@ talaniman : I can't tell him not to mention her again because it's so hard to get him to open up to me. And I suspect he has unresolved issues with his ex so I wanted him to tell me what happened between them so I know what I should do. I don't want to stay with a man who is going to have his thoughts dominated by his ex, whether it's hate or love.

@ pandead : you, ldr in my nickname stands for long distance relationship but that's because I used to be in a long distance relationship, not anymore. I just got used to using that nickname.

Progress: I haven't been texting him, he has been calling/texting late into the night just to get me to pick up the phone. He even tells me he thinks he shouldn't be wasting so much energy on thinking about how much he hates his ex because she's insignificant to him now. I don't know how to trust him. It's like my instincts just flagged a red flag on this guy and tells me to becareful around him. We've been dating just 3 months and he's talking about marriage already. He told me I'm the first girl he talked to about marriage, he didn't even talked about marriage to his ex girlfriend of 5 years.

When you spend long time (and 5 years is a very long time) in a relationship that turned out to be failing, you want to make sure you get it right the next time and catch up on the time you lost with your previous partner. It's normal to feel the urge to say the L word too fast, too soon into the relationship. He wants to feel that he got it right this time. I believe you can call it a rebound.

If she was really insignificant to him now, trust me, he wouldn't ever talk about him. He would take it slow with you and, he had 5 years to talk about marriage with her, do you really believe he never did?

Poor thing, you have gotten in so deep with this fellow in 3 short months that you can't see he isn't ready for a healthy adult relationship with anyone yet. While I understand you want to help, so this relationship can grow, being his emotional tampon isn't the way to do it, and you would do well to heed all the red flags that are waving all around you about him.

You may be helping him get over his ex and the experience he has gone through, but you are not building love and trust, but gratitude, which is not a solid thing to build long term relationships on especially when there is no trust.

When your patient is strong enough, he won't need the doctor that cured him of his problems.

Protect yourself, because he can hurt you if you let him. And you are, by not setting some very strict boundaries of good behavior with him, and listening to your heart and not your GUT when it comes to him.

The opposite of love is indifference, not hate. He is NOT over her and if he ever does get over her, he will no longer need YOU. He is using you to medicate his pain. Don't let him do it.