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If your boyfriend tells you " If you think I'm cheating, then pack up and leave". He has cheated on me before. Is he saying he is cheating and he wants me to leave, or is it to mess with my head? I want to understand what he really means. I know Im stupid and blinded by love. We have been together for 5 years.:(
He means exactly what he says. He doesn't want to be in a relationship with someone who thinks he is cheating.
In this way he is avoiding the issue of whether he is cheating or not, and puts the impetus on you to make a move.
He knows that he hasn't answered your question, and he thinks (probably correctly) that you wouldn't leave him unless you were 100% sure he is cheating.
I would interpret it thusly:
1. He does want to be with you
And either:
2. He is cheating on you
or:
3. You are obsessing and hassling him to the point of frustration about him cheating
You need to figure if it's 2 or 3 (or both).
I'm trying to say that he's either saying it because he's really fed up with you going on about it, or because he wants to avoid the fact that he is cheating.
He's not going to make a move. You have to.
I hope I'm making sense here.
It's hard to say exactly not knowing the back story. He could be trying to bully you into staying or shutting up. Or he could want you to leave. But the reality is he values the relationship very little if at all, if he's going to hold it out in front you in either situation. So you should leave.Quote:
Originally Posted by funspunky
Another reason you should leave. If he cheated on you before he'll probably do it again.Quote:
Originally Posted by funspunky
Could be both. Either way get out. He's a loser and not worth this.Quote:
Originally Posted by funspunky
Stupid - No. Blinded by love - Yeah. We've all been there before. We all have had those times we wanted to hang on to that fantasy of what could be as opposed to the reality of what really is. Here's your reality. Your boyfriend is useless. Your boyfriend is a cheater. Your boyfriend is a holding you back in life. Your boyfriend cares only about himself, if he even cares about himself. Leave now and be happy to get the freedom.Quote:
Originally Posted by funspunky
Quite frankly I am sure he is cheating. Cheaters ALWAYS put the blame on the other person.
And it's my old saying and I have NEVER not seen it any different - ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER.
1. He takes you for granted
2. He obviusly has zero respect for you
3. You can't trust him
= no relationship
I have always said - they cheat once - deal breaker - move on - it will happen again.
And yu're with him WHY?
He cheated on you and then talks to you like that?
I agree that we get blinded by love... and that's what you are in. How about some reality?
Cheaters are 1000% selfish - they are always very self destructive as well. I wouldn't waste another breath wit hthis guy quite frankly.
I don't know whether he's cheating or not but it seems like he definitely wants out of this relationship. I can't tell you what to do but you may want to seriously rethink this whole thing. I doubt that it'll get any better and will actually only get worse ; much worse. Is this the kind of future you want for yourself?
He is daring you to leave.
And if I were you I would take him up on his dare. He has cheated on you before. That should have been enough. But if you have reason to doubt him again then he is probably cheating again.
Are you going to continue to let him use and abuse you the way he is?
Get out now while he has given you the opportunity!
I guess the question would be why did he bring that up? Were you having a conversation about it & accusing him of cheating? Unfortunately I do agree once a cheater always a cheater... it'd be very hard for me to get past that if my husband did it to me.
Now, if you have "forgiven" him for cheating, if you've accepted it & agreed to move on & give him another chance then - in all honesty you have to be fair & get over that fact. You can't nag him about what happened in the past or accuse him of being unfaithful again... unless you have TRUE reason to believe he's done it again.
If you were nagging him, he might've just been frustrated & said that to be a jerk. If that is the case, you need to take a real look at yourself, him & the relationship. If you feel you really love him & want to make it work, talk it out. Let him know you're still not over it & perhaps you need couples therapy to help you start the healing process. If he really loves you & wants to be with you - basically if he's worth your time - he'll understand & agree to it. But this is something you BOTH have to work at... he needs to know he has to give you reason to trust him & help you get over it & you have to not be so apt to accuse him of things.
Now, if he just said that out of the blue or you questioned him about something that caused you to believe something might be up & he said that... then lose him. 5 years or not, he made it pretty clear that he'll do whatever he wants whenever he wants with whoever he wants & you can't do anything about it. But like I said, that's only if you truly weren't on his case about it.
Hopefully it all works out.
First my guess is you have been accusing him, or nagging him about it and he is tired of hearing about it. No man just ups and makes a statement like that out of the blue for no reason. So since there is no trust, time to go.Quote:
Originally Posted by funspunky
Funspunky here's the deal. You've got some advice here and although it differs in approach and what he exactly means the one consistent message everyone agrees on is that you should be out of this unhealthy relationship and moving on with your life.
YES -this is very unhealthy - end it.
Find a good guy you can actually trust.
He doesn't respect you.
My thing is this " how can you say you love me, if you don't even trust me?"!! I think its impossibe to be in love with someone that you can't trust and you obviously can't trust him... he's already proved that point. You really need to look in the mirror and fall in love with yourself. The only good thing that will come out of this relationship is low self_esteem on your behalf. No one and I mean no one should come before YOU!! If its any easier, think about the pain he caused you when he cheated on you before and remember how that felt; because Baby Girl, if you stay in a relationship with this 'trick... you'll feel it again. If you really cared about you, he wouldn't have told you to leave if you think he's cheating. I mean its not like he has credibility; he's already done it before. The first step is telling him to kiss your a**!! It hurts, but time allows it to become easier to deal with. Don't let this "buster-brown" hull you out like this!! You already know what to do...
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