I have been in a long distance relationship with a man (Jerry) for about 9 years. We are both 50ish. We see each other about once a month when he comes to my state (about a 5 hour drive). Most of our communication is on the phone and usually via voice mail. I have never met his 4 kids, any of his friends, been to his house/apt. (Jerry) always comes to my house, has met my daughter, mother. Sisters, nephews and grandson and is treated like one of the family.

I have found over the years (mostly in the early years) several alias's that he has used and admitted were him on social networking sites but he has never admitted any wrong doing and I have just let it go.

I am divorced and have no real desire to re-marry. He has asked me to marry him at least twice. I have said no both times but not because I don't love him but I have never totally trusted him because of the above secrecy he has displayed and have said so at least once or twice.

Here is the current issue: He unknowingly called me and got my voice mail. He did not realize he was being recorded and about 3 minutes of his conversation with one of his friends was recorded. In the conversation (out of the blue) he asked his friend if he had a Facebook page? He then stated that "he had one under a bogus name". He stated that "he could not have one under his real name because he did not want "the GD girl down south (me) to contact or be connecting with his family, friends and S*#t." His friend said something about marriage, most of which was inaudible and then (Jerry) laughed. When I confronted him with this information he lied and said he was talking about his niece and named her. I know this is a lie and I am not sure that even if he admitted that he lied it would make any difference. I have broken off our relationship but he says I am "over reacting" and we should be able to work this out.

Question: Can I ever trust (Jerry)? And how do I make him realize this has nothing to do with Love but is a trust/ respect issue?

Thanks,
Untrusting Heart

Oh PLEASE. You have been handed the truth on a silver platter. Solid gold platter. Dump him NOW. You should have known years ago, when you never met any family or friends and knew about the alias.

You can trust someone you don't love but you can't love someone you don't trust.

This is a complete no-brainer. Dump the liar!

Why are you asking about trusting him again?
This man has been lying to you for years and he's still lying. Be glad you know what you're dealing with and walk clean and far away.

Question: Can I ever trust (Jerry)?
NO!


And how do I make him realize this has nothing to do with Love but is a trust/ respect issue?
Leave him alone and have all the fun you have missed for 9 years with some one you can trust, who respects you.

How were you in a 9 year relationship and never met his friends or family and never even went to his home? I had to read the post twice to believe my eyes. He is hiding something very big and you diserve better. Are you sure he is not in a relationship or married?

I agree with the above posts PLUS you're a mature woman, how many more years are you going to waste on a piece of two faced trash?

Shouldn't these be the fun years? Enjoying this period of your life? Not being weighed down by lying, deceitful, backstabbing jack a$$!

You deserve better!