Moved to its own thread


I am a married woman and I'm having a affair with man who is 19 years older than me. We are together for 1 year, 6 months. He calls me everyday, and even tells me everything. He told me that he won't leave me, or the wife cause he loves me, and he married his wife. He treats me like his wife. Please tell me does he loves me.

"iam a married women and iam having a affair"

Stop right there. He's married too. This is wrong.

"19years older than me"

How old are you?

What's your husband and his wife have to think about this?

Let's presume that he does love you. Is that enough to keep yourself committed to a man who is married. And is that enough to keep seeing him, while you yourself are married.

Both of you are committed, legally and otherwise, to other people. He to his wife, you to your husband. Neither of you are available to commit to each other.

Anybody can feel, or be, in love with someone, and realize that love is not enough. It could be love you feel for your husband for example, but he is an out of control crack user, and has drained the bank accounts, put three mortgages on the house, and can't hold a job. Is love enough to keep a relationship like that going?

For whatever reasons you decided to get involved with a married man, love will never be enough to make it right. As long as you keep temporarily leaving your marriage for secret times with your boyfriend, both of you are moving along the path of destruction, not building on a loving relationship. You can't justify it by being in love, or feeling love for this married man, or by justifying your behaviour, at the expense of your husband. There is no excuse big enough, or substantial enough, where love alone, will make everything okay.

If there are children in this situation, either yours and your husband's, or your boyfriend and his wife's, please think of the consequences of your actions beyond your simple question of 'does my 'married' boyfriend love me', because clearly, love will not be enough of an answer when lives are destroyed by your actions.

You don't indicate that you are wanting to break off with your boyfriend, or that you are feeling guilty, or remorseful, or confused about how to end it in order to save your marriage, so I won't answer that which you have not asked.

Ask your husband, or his wife. They know you, and him better than we do.

I'm not going to lie to you, chick. You are in a bad way.

The best advice that I have for you is to figure out your priorities and be realistic. Most people say they would leave their marriage, but only say so to pacify the person that they are having an affair with. There are also children and families to think about.

I will say one thing though, if you have to ask if he loves you, chances are that he doesn't. At least he doesn't love you more than he loves himself.

And your husband is your husband. He deserves to know the truth and he deserves to learn it from you ASAP. So tell him what is going on. And try to figure out what drove you into anothers arms. It sounds like you might not be feeling loved or appreciated in your marriage. If so, lay all your cards out on the table with your hubby. Be sincere, patient, and forgiving, cause, no offense, he will likely freak out for a long time after he hinds out the truth. Let him know how close to losing you he is. Finish whatever needs doing in your marriage before going on to the next thing. Find love for yourself. Then let time tell you if the marriage will work. It will minimize regret.

And it things don't work out, then just take a break from the dating scene for a minute and don't wait for your affair to pull through. Cause he might not.

The entire time while reading this... havoc of a post, I kept thinking to myself, "Please, I hope she doesn't have any children."

I have no idea how old you are, but I'm a 24 year old male, so... if you're younger, sit down and listen. If you're older... sit down and listen, and grow up.

You sound like a 14 year old girl who's wondering if the guy across the cafeteria likes you because he held the door open for you when you were leaving class.

Are you serious? Do you know how many lives cheating on your spouse destroys? It'd be one thing if your post said something along the lines of, "I feel so bad for doing this," or "I'm afraid it'll hurt my husband" or ANYTHING like that.

You're worried because... what, this guy, who is MARRIED, may or may not love you? Because you think he'll leave his wife (who he hasn't left for a year and a half for you) for you?

Wake up. He's not leaving her for you. He could have left 1.5 years ago. He could have left 1 year ago. He could have left 6 months ago. He hasn't.

Grow up. Honor your marriage vows. You know, that thing you mumbled, something about "til death"... Thank god we have divorce lawyers now, so now you have no excuse. And I pray you don't have kids, because not ONCE in your post did you mention anything about this having an effect on your children.

I'm a med student. We mumble the "Do no harm" speech. They don't even make us SIGN the thing, but God forbid if one of us goes against it. This is a life you agreed to. Either leave your husband if you're unhappy, or honor your vows.