Love her but our relationship is toxic. Cultural difference
Here it goes. I met my present girlfriend through a nurse that came to take care of my dad. My girlfriend is Korean and I am Italian American born in Italy but feel completely American. We love each other, we did from the beginning and do now. The problems started when she asked me if we can hurry and get married because she needed to adjust her green card status. That was 6 months into the relationship. I thought it was early so said no, but we did make plans for a wedding. Art the time I admit I was still not ready to commit to a marriage. I was not strong enough to let her know this. She almost broke up with me because of this then. Our relationship survived. About one year ag we bought an apartment together and things were going OK. However this past year she has used the fact that I was not up front about not being ready to marry the first time, to threaten with breaking up time and time again. The problem is that not even 2 months can pass in pur relationship where she comes to me with some earth shattering problem that she has. One time was her work visa, other time was expirind drivers license, problems at work, denial of application for a green card and so on and on. She blames me for not wanting to marry her when she needed me the most. I have done so many things for her and with her. Vacations, outings, dinners, borrowed a lalrge sum of money to buy the apt. we live in now. Somehow it seems every month she comes with a new problem that shakes my world too. One month goes by and she has another huge problem that she complains to me about. Crisis after crisis after crisis that leaves me with no energy. Meanwhile I am letting slip my work my friends, my other career plans because everything takes so much energy to sort out in this relationship that becomes toxic every day. Another problem is that even we have developed special feelings for each other I feel she is far behind me and my peers since she doesn't speak very well English. I know that is something that is learnt but I am losing patience because when she comes from work she sits in front of the PC and surfs her own korean sites and except for movies expresses no real drive to become part of american culture. I am growing impatient, and simply feel I am stuck with someone who is needy and want all my attention, takes away so much energy just to keep the relationship running and yet no guarantees. I LOVE her since, I have put up with it for almost 2 years now. I feel stuck especially because she is not very outgoing, keeps pushing for attention. We used to have so much fun. Recently she told me she is not sure if she wants to get married soon, but wants a baby. In fact I come to realize she has constatntly used my indecision to marry as a weapon, when in fact now for a long time I think SHE was the one ALL the time that was not sure whether I am the one for her. Our cultural differences here have a lot of significance and I have been simplu giving into her not wanting to learn more by letting her watch Korean TV too much instead of advising her to learn and become more culturally involved in American Culture. She is withdrawn and doesn't have any friends except one Korean girlfriend who I think gives her all the worst advie when it comes to relationships. She is all alone in the us on a work visa. She is a nurse, and otherwise very faithful. But we are so close each day that I simply am not sure of my feelings. I feel closed and held back. I think I have horizons that are so much wider then her world but care for her. I feel like ending this relationship but love her. I know she loves me too.Advice please. Please.
