OK so I just talked to my girlfriend. We talked out why she has been so awkward around me the past few days. She says I need to take control, when I asked her what she meant she said "Like just be more assertive. Like sweet is great but there's a certain point where there's too much sweetness" I love her a lot and don't want to screw up, but could anyone define the point to where sweetness should end and what she meant by assertive. She still cares for me a lot and doesn't want our relationship to end, but my sweetness is just my nature. And I doubt she wants me to be an asswhole.

Side note: Practically all of her past boyfriends have been ****s to her and she was in tears one night talking to me saying she isn't used to guys being nice to her and that night we both admitted to falling in love with each other.

:attempt at 'sweetness' roleplay"
#1
Her 'what do you want for dinner babe'
You 'anything you want'
Her 'you don't want anything particular?'
You 'no anything you want babe I'll have'

#2 - (argumenative you don't like dogs for this scenario)
Her 'i sooooo want a fluffy puppy'
You 'you do know I'm allergic right'
Her 'yeah but he's soooo cute and big brown eyes and fluffy'
You 'i suppose I can up my anti allergy pills'
Her 'really, oh you're just so sweet'

:attempt at 'assertive' roleplay:
#1
Her 'what do you want for dinner babe'
You ' you feel like anything particular?'
Her 'no whatever'
You 'pizza it is'

#2 - (argumenative you don't like dogs for this scenario)
Her 'i sooooo want a fluffy puppy'
You 'you do know I'm allergic right'
Her 'yeah but he's soooo cute and big brown eyes and fluffy'
You 'how about I buy you a toy dog and we'll go buy a turtle'

You were gifted a set at birth. Use them. You don't have to be an a$$ to be assertive. You need to take control of situations. Pick them wisely. It's the ones you should be all 'sweetness' with.. that'll not have you end up in the pack with jerks.

disclaimer: no pizza, dogs or turtles were hurt in this re-enactment

Its hard to explain, but I think she wants less sweet, and nice, and more not letting her having to make all the decisions. Express your own likes, and dislikes, rather than just going along with her program all the time. You don't have to be mean, but you can make your opinion known, especially when you disagree, or really don't like doing what she wants to do, or has said.

Say what you mean, and mean what you say. There is a difference between a nice sweet guy, and a good guy.

Hm.. well it think you can be sweet but when you get to sweet its like ugh be nasty for a change.. I had this a lot with my previous ex's their were TO sweet and it made me feel uncomfortable and sometimes felt like I was being closed in there love.. its okay to just say I love you but when you say that too much can be sickly like sugar.. just try to to be outrages sometimes a women likes to know how you feel take her out show her how much you love her instead of just saying it women get fed up of men saying OMFG I love you I miss you bla bla yada yada instead of just saying it make a difference in the relationship like they say its easy said then done.. show her what your worth

Hahahahaha I can't stop laughing at the disclaimer!

Comment on mystific's post

Hahahahaha I can't stop laughing at the disclaimer!

Oh my oh my, my boyfriend is a lot like yourself although he is learning when to put his foot down but it is really annoying at times when its me making all the decision! And to make things worse I'm pregnant now and it seems I will be taking on the roll of decision making! And my anxiety is up the wall, I had to tell him the other day "i want you to tell me what to do, what we're gonna do when it born, how were gonna save", a woman wants to feel secure in a relationship and for the man to look after her, to a certain extent of course.. we like to be independent too.. complicated creatures we are :L so basically what the other two guys said is spot on... :)

This is not a problem about you being sweet, this is a problem about her not being able to accept a different kind of man in her life (you).

Many women who go through relationships, tend to gravitate to certain characteristics in men, things they are comfortable with, and familiar with. More assertive personalities may be one, but also the finer characteristics of being dominant, protective, controlling to a degree, and a seeming protector.

She has had, prior to you, that type of man in her life, several times.

The problem is, she has not allowed herself the time to reflect on why she was attracted to that type of man, and when relationships failed, she ended up going right back into familiar territory, and just replaced one, with another. Essentially the same characteristics.

My opinion is she has probably never learned that she can be happy and fulfilled with a man who is not anything like the ones she had. Being with you makes her uncomfortable, because it is unfamiliar territory.

So what she is saying to you is, she wants to be more comfortable, so she wants you to be 'less sweet' and more like the others that she has known.

You might want to point that out to her, because one big red flag here, is that she may as well be coming out and saying that she's outside her comfort zone, because of her own ignorance in not knowing a good man when she has one, and, not being able to accept you as you are, or see the difference in why you are a better choice.

She needs to figure out why she wants YOU to be different, and why she is so uncomfortable not being in the comfort zone of the more predicatable men she has needed and been with in the past.

Spartan,

Well I think you need to do the sweet thing and kick her backside to the curb!! OOoops my sweeness is coming out!

You will learn that if someone is wanting us to change our personality for them, then they just aren't the right one to be with. I personally don't think she knows who or what she wants. She is use to the jerks, gets hurts, but apparently is attracted to them, so let her have them, eventually she will learn that a man doesn't haven't to be an dictator to be accepted.

But most importantly you need be proud of who YOU ARE and don't LET ANYONE tell you that you have to change to be accepted, because when they start saying that, whatever you do will NEVER be good enough in the long wrong, at least pertaining to your personality traits!!


Take care

Thanks bro this helps out a lot, Usually I don't get answers as clear as this one. I tried Yahoo answers and all I got was "Yeah your too sweet, chicks like a55 holes" and "dump her" ugh Yahoo e_e but thanks this helped a lot, I just hope it works and she doesn't like have double standards or nothing