How do I overcome insecurities in my relationship?
My girlfriend and I started seeing each other about 5 months ago. She is the BOMB! I love her dearly! I've never met anybody so caring and nurturing and loving in my life! I want to spend the rest of my life with her and she does with me. I even proposed recently and she gave a quick and resounding "yes"! But recently I've had some old baggage of mine rearing its ugly head that I'm afraid will wreck our relationship if I'm not careful. Recently I noticed a lot of white residue in her g-string panties (she typically wears sexy g-strings all the time, including at work) after she took them off after getting home from work one day. A stain that's typically left when she and I have been fooling around and her panties are left on for while during foreplay….thus leaving a stain in them (sorry to be so graphic!). It's just natural that her bodily fluids get flowing when she's excited and it naturally leaves behind some residue at times…particularly if we have a lot foreplay before she takes her panties off. I know, TMI, just trying to explain things here. Anyway, in that we hadn't seen each other all day, seeing those stains in her panties triggered some old baggage for me as I have been cheated on more than once in my life... and this type of stain was an early sign of cheating that was later verified with at least one of the people who cheated on me. Anyway, I took note of it with her but I didn't make any accusations... I just mentioned that I noticed it. She quickly said it was probably because she was thinking of me earlier in the day while looking at a photo (fully clothed) of me and it made her all horney and that that probably caused it. My baggage rose to the surface because I didn't see how just thinking of me caused that much residue to be left behind... there was a lot there, similar to after we fool around (again, sorry to be so graphic here)... maybe I don't give myself enough credit as to how attracted she is to me. I don't know. Anyway, I'm not one to let things fester so I spoke with her about some of my old baggage and that I was having a hard time with this. She assured me there was no one else in her life and told me how much she loves me and would never do anything to jeopardize our relationship. She then said later it possibly happened because her body does that when she ovulates... and she was 12 days into her cycle so that made more sense... I just never noticed this happening before. But then again, I don't normally make it a point to look at her panties. I just happened to noice this one time. Anyway, she wasn't even mad at me for bringing it up. She was understanding of my old issues and reassured me how much she loved me. I felt like a total heal for even bringing it up, especially when she was so kind and understanding toward me! I should have just kept it to myself but I like to get things out in the open so nothing festers between us. I do honestly believe I have a real gem of women and our relationship is great! No signs of discontent on her part at all. I did some research and found that it's not uncommon for women to have these natural secretions throughout the month, particularly during ovulation. Albeit, she didn't initially mention this as a possible reason so I have to believe it was because she was thinking of me based on what she told me. So I've pretty much dropped it as I don't want to damage our relationship by bringing it up again. I really really really want to trust her and based on how she is with me when we're together and the love she professes for me, I'm 99.99999% sure she loves me deeply and would never hurt me... but because of this stupid baggage I have there's this .01% of doubt that keeps nagging at me from time to time. Just something in my gut that I'm sure is just old baggage haunting me. How do I overcome this? I don't want it to damage our relationship. Trust is the corner stone of any relationship so I'm just trying to find a way to make that .01% of doubt GO AWAY. Can someone please give me some suggestions on how to just totally let this go COMPLETELY! Please don't judge me. I'm just trying to work this through. How can I build more trust internally when everything else seems great with us? Thanks, 01% doubtful
Comment on SaraHere's post
Hi Sarah, I'm new to this sort of thing i.e. asking questions on the internet just to get some feedback. My longwinded response to your comment would not fit in the comments section next to your answer so I wrote it up in the answer section. Thanks again.