Ask Me Help Desk - What should I do?

I'm a 19 y/o male from Texas. I recently got out of 3 year relationship this past November, it has been very hard on me but not on her. 3 days after we broke up, she had a new boyfriend and she said that she had to move on. The relationship had been going down hill for a very long time, she never let me do anything with my friends, and now that we have broken up, I lost all contacts with my old friends, I've never made friends very easy and now that I lost who I once had I am left all alone. What do I need to do? I am over my ex, I just wish I could find someone to hang out with, and possibly a girl to date. The reason it lasted so long with my ex was because no other girl had given me a chance and I wanted to hang on to her for as long as I could and that has seemed to be a very big down fall.

Can someone please help me I am so alone, I am in college this should be the best time of my life and it has been a total nightmare.

RVest

Is this your freshman year? If it is, I feel so sorry for you, freshmen year is the best year of college. You need to network yourself. I personally enjoy being "that retard" in the back of the class that usually has something retarded to add to what the teacher's saying, it helps pick up chicks. And seeing as you're in college, I'd recommend a strong alcohol habit. For no good reason other than the fact that I met 90% of the people I know while drunk and probobly without pants on. It works, trust me.

Forever, Your not encouraging an underage student to drink are you!

LOL, JK. I know it happens... heck I drank long before 19 myself...

Rvest,
I am going to suggest something more...legal. Are you into any sports or do you like any other activities? most colleges have a lot of groups and teams, maybe you can look into some of them and see if they would interest you.

Have you tried online? I am not a big person for online dating, but a lot of people like it and for some it really works. If you feel that lonely and dont feel like you can get out and meet friends any other way, then try to find a local online dating/friends site. I hear match.com is pretty good. Myspace is another really popular site. Just dont come off as desperate or creepy, lol and you will have friends in no time. There are people everywhere that are always looking for good friends, its just a matter of getting in touch with them.

Be confident, be relaxed and be funny....be yourself, whoever that is, the right friends will come along, as long as you dont make yourself a stranger. Say hi to people, ask them how they are doing, smile... and keep your head up!

Rvest, don't look in your rearview mirror if you're trying to move forward! Try contacting your old friends one more time, if it fails, stand strong, you'll meet others if you get out. Go to places that interest you. If you want to meet athletic friends, go to the gym, if you want to meet someone "deeper" go to the library or museum, it's in your control. Time to step out of the box! Good for you for moving on, sounds like your relationship was over way before she broke it off with you...

I actually broke up with her because she asked me to choose her or my family, and then she turns around and says that she never said that.

I don't drink, smoke or do drugs, my dad is a big alcoholic and I grew up with that and I can't do that to anyone like he did to me and my brother. And that has been a big thing in finding friends too, people find out that I don't drink and kind of push me to the side.

Quote:

Originally Posted by rvest

i'm a 19 y/o male from texas. i recently got out of 3 year relationship this past november, it has been very hard on me but not on her. 3 days after we broke up, she had a new boyfriend and she said that she had to move on.

So she has absolutely no value in herself to breakup with someone and the date another. Your better off without that tramp.

Quote:

Originally Posted by rvest

the relationship had been going down hill for a very long time, she never let me do anything with my friends, and now that we have broken up, i lost all contacts with my old friends, ive never made friends very easy and now that i lost who i once had i am left all alone.

I just want to point out that in the future a woman should never come between you and anybody that was there before she was. Ever. If she don't like it get rid of her.

Quote:

Originally Posted by rvest

what do i need to do? i am over my ex, i just wish i could find someone to hang out with, and possibly a girl to date.

Does your college have a gym that it allows students to use? I recommend you use it to workout and you can meet people there.

Quote:

Originally Posted by rvest

the reason it lasted so long with my ex was because no other girl had given me a chance

No girl gave you the chance because you had a girlfriend.

Quote:

Originally Posted by rvest

and i wanted to hang on to her for as long as i could and that has seemed to be a very big down fall.

Have you ever heard that phrase, "Sometimes you don't see the vine until you let go of the one your holding?" In other words we fear the unknown and what COULD be worse than the situation were staying in as opposed to just taking the leap and moving on. I think that's exactly what you did. You sound like you also knew you wanted out but didn't want to find out what could happen if you took the chance. Let me tell you I've been there in that situation and after the break up heals I'm always happy I didn't stay trapped in the emtional nightmare that was the relationship. In time you will be too but always remember that in the future.

Quote:

Originally Posted by rvest

can someone please help me i am so alone, i am in college this should be the best time of my life and it has been a total nightmare.

RVest

College sucked for me too at first. I might suggest getting a job at a bar. I actually put myself through college bartending and people are always socializing there. That being said you usually have to work your way up to bartender by being a server, doorman, bouncer. etc. but it is a big social scene none the less. We would have afterhours parties and the entire staff was always invited. Even people that didn't "fit in" of which I was usually one since I don't drink much were there.

As others on this thread will tell you, women are a part of your life, not your life. You made the classic mistake of putting too much importance in this girl and had no life beyond her. Her possessiveness should have been a huge red flag from the start. But now you're starting over again. Get out there and build a life. Get busy with work, studies, hobbies and whatever else floats your boat. If there's anything special you always wanted to take up but never have, now's the time to do it. Meet and date other people and don't get exclusive with any one person for a long time. Never allow anyone else to pull you away from the people and things that are important to you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ForeverZero

Is this your freshman year? If it is, i feel so sorry for you, freshmen year is the best year of college. You need to network yourself. I personally enjoy being "that retard" in the back of the class that usually has something retarded to add to what the teacher's saying, it helps pick up chicks. And seeing as you're in college, i'd reccomend a strong alcohol habit. For no good reason other than the fact that i met 90% of the people i know while drunk and probobly without pants on. It works, trust me.

Forever, most of your advice is sound but I have to take exception to this. Advising him to acquire "a strong alcohol habit" and suggesting that being drunk is the best way to meet women is way off the mark. There's nothing wrong with having a social drink or two (though as a freshman he's probably underage and risks getting in trouble with the law) but advising what amounts to alcohol abuse is bad news. Social drinking, when done properly, is an excellent networking tool. However, I must say that most college freshmen don't have the necessary social skills or maturity to use it to their advantage in pursuit of the kind of goals that this poster has. I was a college freshman myself once, so I know. When I was, my thinking was a lot of yours. But it proved to be self-defeating. What you're suggesting is a very dangerous road to nowhere (or worse.)

Quote:

Originally Posted by s_cianci

Forever, most of your advice is sound but I have to take exception to this. Advising him to acquire "a strong alcohol habit" and suggesting that being drunk is the best way to meet women is way off the mark. There's nothing wrong with having a social drink or two (though as a freshman he's probably underage and risks getting in trouble with the law) but advising what amounts to alcohol abuse is bad news. Social drinking, when done properly, is an excellent networking tool. However, I must say that most college freshmen don't have the necessary social skills or maturity to use it to their advantage in pursuit of the kind of goals that this poster has. I was a college freshman myself once, so I know. When I was, my thinking was a lot of yours. But it proved to be self-defeating. What you're suggesting is a very dangerous road to nowhere (or worse.)

I should add a disclaimer to all of my input. I'm 21 years old, and fairly retarded, so try not to take me too seriously.

I'd also add, on a serious note, if I never spent any of my life doing the immature self destructive things that I did at that age, I'd have no idea why they were immature and self destructive. That's not to say do it with reckless disregard, personally, when I was a freshman I drank socially and it ended up paying off for me. I met lots of people and found a lot of friends I never would have otherwise. I was also of the mindset that freshmen year is the year to be completely self destructive, and let the next 3 or 4 be the ones you end up paying for it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by rvest

i actually broke up with her because she asked me to choose her or my family, and then she turns around and says that she never said that.

Yep, she's a snake and can't be trusted. That should also show you how she values herself and the family unit.

Quote:

Originally Posted by rvest

i dont drink, smoke or do drugs, my dad is a big alcoholic and i grew up with that and i can't do that to anyone like he did to me and my brother. and that has been a big thing in finding friends too, peopel find out that i dont drink and kind of push me to the side.

rvest, I'm going to tell you that don't do drugs or smoke and very rarely do I drink. But if you put yourself out there a little bit people will accept that. In fact even when I was in college and not drinking at partys I'd have people tell me that respected that and it can actually be a great coversation starter. I'm just saying I know what it's like to not drink at social gathers and it used to be something that I would kind of fear but it's not the biggest deal in the world to be the only one not drinking somewhere.

I envy you, rvest as you are so free to explore the kind of life you want. Take your time and make one friend at a time, and make sure you make that college count for a bright future. You don't have to change who you are to make friends.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ForeverZero

I should add a disclaimer to all of my input. I'm 21 years old, and fairly retarded, so try not to take me too seriously.

Disclaimer accepted...

Quote:

Originally Posted by ForeverZero

I'm 21 years old, and fairly retarded

FZ, don't worry nobody is holding the fact that your only 21 against you.