Hey everyone,
So I liked this guy for 3 yrs then last summer we started flirting & hanging out and then we started dating. We spent everyday, every moment together. I loved him more then anyone and I THOUGHT he loved me too, we dated for a long time then in the middle of October he sent me a text message swearing at me and he dumped me. I was crushed and became so depressed. What makes this situation worst is... hes my neighbor. I also found out he cheated on me. I told him everything about me and I rarly ever do that. He betrayed me, lied to me & broke my heart!Its been almost 6 months now and I still cry everyday & I'm still very very very upset... he hates me and refuses to talk to me and I didn't do anything, he's had his past 2 new gfs yell at me for nothing, he calls me a mistake and everything he's ever said to me was a lie. I miss the time we spent together, all the things we did, how we talked, laughed. I miss him, I'm obsessed and I hate it, its killing me! I've never felt this bad :( he's my whole world, I've tried everything to get over him and nothing works... half of my heart doesn't want to get over him. What hurt really bad is he met up with me and told me he loved me and that he wanted me back, I believed him and we even cried together, then he left me alone again! I want him in my life but he doesn't want me.. ineed help!! PLEASE HELP ME, IM DESPERATE!

This guy sounds very manipulative and mean, I advise you stay well away from him (as far away as you can with him being your neighbor and all.) Why would you wish to be with someone who's so awful to you? You need to find a hobby to keep your mind off him and throw yourself into it. Have friends around you as much as you can to support you through this hard time. Whatever you do, don't fall for one of his tricks again. Cut contact completely and leave him to it, it's his mistake and he's lost big time. It does get easier, as long as you steer clear and don't keep hoping and wishing he will contact you again/you will get back together. Chin up and keep smiling even if you don't feel like it, it helps. X

There must be some reason, that after six months, you are still sounding like you are in the very beginning stages of recovering from a failed relationship.

It's pretty obvious that by the way he treated you, and the fact that he cheated on you, and that he has been so disrespectful, he does not posses the markings of a good partner. Why are you blinded by this man, and keep holiding out hope?

I have a feeling that you may have been contacting him yourself, or trying to win him back. I'm only guessing but it sounds like your desperation could be because you contine to be rejected. Once was not enough.

And while you were going out with him, were there not signs that he wasn't the person you thought he was? Were there not any hints of the type of person you fell in love with?

While love may have been blind in the beginning, when the relationship ended, it seems it only ended for him. I'm not sure you can accept that it is over.

There have to be reasons you can't move on, and perhaps it's time to take a good look at why you are stuck. Life is full of disappointments, and relationships fail. No one is exempt from having to heal and move on to better days, and better relationships.

Your question starts with 'why can't I let him go' and ends with being 'desperate'. I can't answer to why you can't let him go, or why you are desperate. This may be a situation for you to get counselling in order to learn how to work through all that you need to come to terms with, so you are free to move on with your life. As long as you can't let him go, and you are feeling so desperate, nothing will change.

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Originally Posted by ;blgfinatic690

He betrayed me, lied to me & broke my heart!Its been almost 6 months now and i still cry everyday & im still very very very upset...he hates me and refuses to talk to me and i didnt do anything, hes had his past 2 new gfs yell at me for nothing, he calls me a mistake and everything hes ever said to me was a lie. i miss the time we spent together, all the things we did, how we talked, laughed. i miss him,

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Why would you want to return to this?

It may be due to a sudden unexpected break leaving you no closure.

But you need to forget this guy and move on and start your healing.

You have been given all the advice you need by the other posters... just do it.

I would say be glad that you found out the truth about him, so that the relationship didn't drag out sooner. Now you're free to meet new people and not tied down to a jerk.

Unfortunately, this experience may stick with you, but it's also a learning experience moving forward.

I would also add that he's not worth your time. Your feelings may still exist, but he's not the man you thought he was, so your happy thoughts about him sound more like a fantasy guy. He's not worth your time anymore, leave him behind you and move on to bigger and better things in life.

Why not give a nice guy a chance?

Nah, there were no sighns of the real type of the type of guy he really is when we were together, he was the best boyfriend I could ever ask for but it was all a lie I guess? And I'm not desperate as in for guys just advice and I really for some unknown reason want him back because I miss him and the way he made me feel important and all that. And yes I did try contacting him and we hung out and I thought that everything was going to be great again then he just knocked me down again, many times but I was stupid for falling for it..

He is very mean but meant the most to me out of everyone in the world, I love him, and I hate it... and I didn't even share the worst things he did to me, it gets way worst...

I have no idea, I guess I just feel like if he came back everything would be good again, but I'm a mess so I don't know..

Read you opening post as many times as it takes to get a grip of yourself!!

Hold on to the good memories and start working on yourself... Never make someone your priority while you are their option.

What opening post?
And thanks, that actually helped!

You seem to be rather self destructive, wanting to be with someone who makes you feel so rubbish. You need to break this circle and get out there and find a guy who dotes on you. X

Nah, there were no sighns of the real type of the type of guy he really is when we were together, he was the best boyfriend i could ever ask for but it was all a lie i guess? And im not desperate as in for guys just advice and i really for some unknown reason want him back because i miss him and the way he made me feel important and all that. And yes i did try contacting him and we hung out and i thought that everything was gonna be great again then he just knocked me down again, many times but i was stupid for falling for it..[/QUOTE]

It is hard to imagine that there were absolutely no signs. It is likely that
You were too starry eyed to see it.

And when someone makes you feel good and important it is hard to believe anything that may put an end to it.

Learn this lesson well that you don't have to repeat it.
The pain will etch a reminder in your memory to be a bit more cautious and somewhat less trusting until given good reason to be more so.

Forget him. Kick him to the curb. No contact... any kind
No calls no text no Facebook , no updates from friends, put up a high fence if you have to... with a moat.

Move on and live for you not a painful memory of a jerk

I know =/ but again he's my neighbor and he was my best friend.. its so hard to leave him alone even though he hates me and wants nothing to do with me..

Your right, I didn't notice any sighns, and he was the first guy I ever trusted, this hurts so bad :( but OK ill take your advice, no more contact even though he's my neighbor... but thanks!

Just wanted to say that I know exactly how you feel. I've been dealing with a nearly identical scenario for almost a year now. The difference is he isn't my neighbor, but he's HIV+ and we were very careless.
To be frank, I was afraid I was sick, and that's why I stuck around. As if nobody would want me if I had been infected. In hindsight, even after I have been declared free and clear of the disease (so far) The idea that no one would want me if I had it seems preposterous. Clearly, I was HIV- and I still fell for him.
And at first I didn't see the warning signs either, but the reality is, they were there from the beginning. I just ignored them. I believed there was some nobility in sticking through it, and putting up with abuse. I believed that over time, he would grow out of his anti-social behavior and value me for what I was worth instead of being so caught up in his wallowing. Beauty and the Beast has deluded generations of girls into believing that love from the right woman can turn any boorish creature into prince charming... Clearly not the case in four dimensions... Just this morning I was reduced to a sniveling little girl retreating like a wounded bird from his house because we got into an argument over something completely insignificant.
"Jesus... Do you hear yourself when you talk to me? ever? Why do you have to treat me like this?" I ask.
"If all I ever do is make you feel bad, then why do you put up with it?" He says.
"I just... Love you..." I reply, teary eyed and pitiful.
It's quite pathetic and I'm ashamed of myself for it. He cheated on me twice, and he talks down to me with nearly everything he says. One minute he's got his arm around me, kissing me, making me believe him when he says he loves me... the next he's telling me I'm not allowed to hug on him at all.
I don't wish this on anyone. To be constantly humiliated, treated like dirt beneath someone's feet, because they don't love you or they aren't ready for something you already committed yourself to...
And the being friends thing doesn't work with these guys either. They always take too much, and they get a rise out of treating you as badly as they believe the world has treated them. At least with him, when he says he wants to be friends, he means he wants me to stick around to be his mother, maid, therapist, whore, and whipping boy. (That's where the feeling like you're taking on a role of importance with the other person thing comes in.)
The poster who made the remark about being self-destructive was on the money. And nobody can change that behavior but us.
I hope you've moved on. And I hope I'll grow a couple and pull myself out of this mess.
I'm tired of feeling this way. I thought I had more respect for myself. I disappointed me. :(