My husband and I have been married for over 11 years and have 3 children. We live about 2 hours away from my family and live right beside all of his family. We have had so many problems in the past years, but I have always put my feelings aside to stay for our children. Now I have the savings and the courage to finally leave and call it quits because I can't take anymore. The problem is this: I feel like I am totally alone because I have no family close by. His family will be 100% on his side and I'm afraid they will blast me to the kids. My sister-in-law has a daycare and keeps our youngest child. I dread dropping my daughter off and picking her up because of the way my sister- in-law will treat me. How do I deal with his whole family when they beat me down to everyone? They will blame all of it on me I know.

First of all, you need to move. Being that close to that much toxic is not good for anyone. Your kids will start to lose their self-esteem because when they bash you... they are unintentionally bashing part of them, since they are part of you and that's how kids see it. You need to get your youngest out of his sister's daycare and find another place. Either that or you need to talk to him and his family not to make the children suffer for the divorce by talking bad about you and trying to make it as easy as possible for a normal life for the kids. As adults they should understand and want what is best for the kids.

Move away, what reason is there to stay , and 2 hours away is not to far, for your husband to see his kidds, and how can you be TOTALLY alone, 2 hours away is not far, can you drive, seems to me you are looking for excusses, though you say you have saved to leave , were is your problem are you leaving to move NEXT DOOR,

I am going through this too right now. I am completely surrounded with my husbands family and I know how hard that can be. First of all, what ever is challenging your relationship that you need to leave is a real emotion. If you are not happy in your marriage and you feel there needs to be a shift or a break in it then this decision is entirely up to you. You know his family will side with him, this is just human nature and at first the shock and pain might be disturbing to them but this is where you can put fourth your words too. There are 2 sides to every story and if you have any sort of relationship with them its OK to explain things in a kind and gentle manner.
If it were me, I would do this and I would explain to them that this is a separation because things are not working and leave it as such. That way they don't think you are the bad guy, they don't have to know all your business and you can keep the peace with them until you've solidified things in your own life that you no longer have to run into them or use their services for your child care.

Have you tried looking for a job closer to your family? That would one of the first step I did before letting anyone know that I am going for a divorce. Now let me back up a second here, first you need to check with an attorney on what steps you need to take, and what your rights are!!

Once you find a job and if your attorney has said there is nothing illegal about moving with your children, then over the hills and through the woods to grandmothers house we go!!

Notify your local law enforcement that you and YOUR FAMILY will be moving you and the children out. That you are concerned with your husband's family interfering and DO NOT want them on the property at all.

Once again make sure you check with your attorney as to your rights, and how you need to proceed.

Take care

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by brigde

move away, what reason is there to stay , and 2 hours away is not to far, for your husband to see his kidds, and how can you be TOTALLY alone, 2 hours away is not far, can you drive, seems to me you are looking for excusses, though you say you have saved to leave , were is your problem are you leaving to move NEXT DOOR,,

---

This is not valid advice. I appreciate that you state that you are offering your opinions. However, the Court may very well not allow a person to move two hours away during a divorce. That distance puts a barrier when visitation is allowed.

This isn't an "excusse." This is the law.

The divorce threads are often more technical than the relationship advice threads. Bad advice on either is just that, bad advice.

I am so sorry I am not on the side of the law ,if I was the law I would make the courts sit up and do the decent thing , I do appreacate the fact that the law is the law ,but that does not make it right, so I give my opinion on what I as a woman who knows how she feels as do a lot of woman and as you do know I am sure , the law and courts only read from books ,that lady should be near her family and I am sure you as a woman whould agree , I do know that she whould not just lift her kids and move 2 hours away just like that ,but that is a way for her to get stronger and as aprilshowers did say move away as to close to toxic is not good, but I do see no comment there, I do realise you are the expert and I just giving my opinion, but there is something else called UNDERSTANDING THE SITUATION and that is were myself and houndreds do understand , so sorry if I do not give professional advice,

My problem isn't your personal advice - my problem is your illegal advice.

No, as a woman I don't agree with you. I work in the legal system. It has flaws, but I respect it.

I've read your other posts/threads. You come from a different place than I do.

And, yes, I do understand the situation. I also understand the law. Your advice could cause this mother to lose custody of her children.

OK I not a legal ex , so I am so so sorry I did not give legal advice , but do you not see we as ORDONARLY people who do give there opionion, do NOT knoe the law, so that is were you come in , will you give me a breake please,