So I'm separated with 2 children they live with my wife. About 6 months after we separated I started dating another girl and she got pregnant. I don't feel that the woman carrying the child is fit to be a mother and I want to get full custody of the child with my wife as the legal mother. I have evidence showing that the Mother is suicidal and doesn't feel that she could ever provide for herself let alone another person. What actions do I need to take and hat are my chances of being successful in this attempt.

You are going to have to file for sole custody with the court to start with... and being it's a newborn... that will be an uphill battle. She will already have it by default. You will have to prove her an unfit mother, to the courts satisfaction.

The only way your wife can be the legal mother of that child would be if she adopted it... again through the courts... and its going to require the consent of the mother. And that's NOT going to be something easy for the mother to do even if she wants to.

Unless she is in prison etc... the odds of doing that against her will are next to nothing.

What your odds are numerically... someone else is going to have to answer.

But the odds of either are not in your favor.. and combined drops that likelihood much further.

This is more of a legal question so I'm going to ask that this be moved to the legal forum. What state are you?

And you said your wife? That you're separated from? I heard a whole lot of what you want to happen. But what does she want? Does she actually want to raise the kid you're having with another woman? If you're already separated, that implies that there's already trouble there in that relationship.

Ok my wife is fully willing to raise this child as her own I was actually her idea. My state is ky but the mother is Tn. The mother has had 2 or 3 abortions prior to this baby so it's clear that she has no desire to have a child. She asked me to pay for an abortion for this one and I told her it wasn't going to happen. What kind of information would show she's unfit to be a mother? The other woman has been in a mental institution before for a short period and said recently that she was going to check herself into one by didn't. I just want to know what kind of information I will need to make this happen.

If she doesn't want to raise the child... she can simply not object when you file for legal custody. If she truly doesn't want the child... you can work on an adoption process through the courts. The birth mother can make this possible... or impossible depending on her actual cooperation with what you wish.

But the adoption process won't be easy... or cheap. And not even certain.

Be patient and hopefully someone will be able to provide you more cpecific information you are asking for.

Well, this is just my opinion.
First off you say she obviously doesn't want a baby and even asked for money to get an abortion.
Why not just be straight forward and ask her if she will sign custody over to you?
I can only try to put myself in her shoes at this point and only based on the info you've given.

So for me, if I was depressed and had a suicidal personality- well if my ex out of no where just started slinging dirt at me showing no concern for me as a person but only the child I was carrying and wanting his wife to be the Mother to my child, well that would be very hurtful and likely make me want to off myself even more than before. That would just be a devastating situation to find myself in. I doubt you'd want to be the reason or cause of an attempt to kill herself especially if she were successful. You might want to consider a less combative technique here.

Now if you show more tact and concern for her- as the Mother of your child, you just might find a way to make everyone happy.
If I were in your shoes, I would have a talk with her and ask her what she wants to do about the baby. Maybe bring up how she wanted an abortion before and feel her out to see if her attitude has changed regarding having the baby. If it hasn't and she still does not feel like she should have this baby you could talk to her about your hopes of raising the child, but I would still let her know she could be apart of the babies life (aka see the child). If you go all out talking about your wife playing mommy to HER child- whether she wanted it to begin with, you'd just be asking for a fight.

I'd first try to secure an agreement- try to get it notarized too- stating that she would like you to have sole physical custody. Once you have that in place then you can try to ease her into the idea of signing her legal rights over so that your wife might adopt him/her.
I'm not a lawyer- but have been studying custody laws/situations/strategies every day 10 hrs a day since October now- so just going on what I've seen re: this type of complicated situation (I'm in a similarly complicated one myself) I would say this is your best shot at obtaining what you want and sole physical custody really is probably your best bet &/or only shot of getting anything close to what you want. Just because she was never up to being a Mother before or even more recently... well a funny thing USUALLY happens to even the most relluctent Mother once they give birth and hold their child. It's truly magical so don't count on her attitude staying the same after she has the baby. Cute little babies have the power to inspire!

Again- try to use a little more compassion and tact in this. Try to remember that while you clearly have no respect or concern for this woman now- she is the Mother of your child whether you or your wife want to see it that way. She deserves some respect and a fair chance to at least talk about the options you have regarding the little bun in her oven before you start attacking her personally or dragging her issues out into a court battle that you are certainly unlikely to win.

Good Luck!

Unfortunately this is a legal board and answers are requested to be strictly legal.

Your advice about signing custody over is faulty. I don't know where or what you are studying but, again, you are incorrect in several of your statements here and on other threads and you are mixing personal and legal advice.

In most states to obtain custody you need to show the other parent unfit. Naturally, as you and your wife are separated you will need to show how you and your wife are more fit. A court may look to both you and the biological mother and wonder how you could be more fit when you are not with your current children. In addition, your creating another child / being so involved in another relationship while the first wasn't done would cause me to question your stability as well.
This is all assuming you are found to be the biological father. (And your wife does not have issues that would rule her unfit as well).

I'm going to step away from the legal here, because this is something that DOES need to be addressed.

I CHOSE adoption. Openly, willingly, and knowing what I was doing. I was STILL suicidal after I signed those papers--having to be institutionalized twice because of my state of mind.

If you try to force someone who is ALREADY mentally and emotionally unstable into signing away her rights to the married guy that screwed her and left--well, you may as well just sign yourself up as responsible for manslaughter.

Want to know the RIGHT thing to do here? Get the mother of your child into counseling. PAY for it. Maybe through counseling she will DECIDE she is unable to be a mother. But you forcing it will simply push her further into depression and instability.

You, sir, are a jackass. You don't get to just write off the mother so you get the child in a situation that YOU want. By all means apply for full custody, citing her instability. But don't force her to relinquish her parental rights because you may just be signing her death certificate if you do.

Can't give you a greenie, all out, so I'll give you a hug instead.