Ask Me Help Desk - I need help :(

I need help :(

OK so I'm 16 and I'm a junior in highshcool
I met this girl in one of my classes and we've been going out ever since
Its almost 8 months tomarrow and I Fed up the other day.
I broke up with her over rage... and now she doesn't want me back.
She says she cant, we've gone through this before b.c I've broke up with her over rage and it finally clicked this time hey, she's acually leaveing me...
Every tiime I text her on my fone its always some nasty text back like don't talk to me bye, or you're the one who broke up with me.

I recently brought her roses and put them on her doorstep (the expensive kind lol):cool:
And wrote her a long note on myspace about how sorry I am, and how much I want to be with her... that didn't work... so its been bought 2 days and I just needed to get out so I went to my grandfathers house for a couple days... came back and then made her a clolge of all our pictures together, and a thing about 100 reasons I love you thing.
Didn't work.
So I talked to her and she was like she loves me but she can't go back with me, but I told her I'm a changed person and to give this retard one last chance but then she gives me 2 weeks. 2 weeks for her to be alone without us communicateing or nothing, and she said if she feels I'm back to normal and a changed person shell come back if not then she's moveing on...

How do I do this without talking to her?

I mean it's the first day and I just feel like calling or txting her but I know it will F things up even more...

I asked her if there was another guy and she's just like no. there's no other guy.

What do I do? I can't sleep or anything all I do is think about her...

Need help thanks:(

Respect her request--no communication for two weeks. Zero. Nada. Zip. Cold turkey. If you can't do it, you don't really love her and you haven't really changed. Use the time to get over that rage thing you've got going. Two weeks isn't very long for a task like that, so you should be fully occupied.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ordinaryguy

Respect her request--no communication for two weeks. Zero. Nada. Zip. Cold turkey. If you can't do it, you don't really love her and you haven't really changed. Use the time to get over that rage thing you've got going. Two weeks isn't very long for a task like that, so you should be fully occupied.

Well its so hard to to cal or or text her or anything... I mean we talked every single day during the 8 months and its just hard not to... I love her so much but I don't know I saw her at school today and just felt like throwing up... maybe there's something I could do to win her back or something I mean all I do is think about her non stop and how bad of a mistake I made : ( and every time I see her sign on AOL instant messager I just feel like saying sorry again... thanks for the support. I appreachate it.

Now she txted me today we talked a little then she said shell talk to me later...

Maybe there's hope...

Nope... same stuff... tryed to talk to her and she was like... I thought we had an agreement.

Here's the deal. When you're in a situation like this, it may sound counterintuitive, however when she asks you for something, GIVE IT TO HER. Right now she's asking for time and space, WITHOUT YOU IN IT. It's hard, particularly when you feel like you're in the middle of being abandoned and you need to do this to make yourself feel better, but it doesn't work that way. Don't be needy, the best revenge is living well. Let her see you've changed by leaving her the hell alone and doing things that keep your mind off her.

Well I'm scared... like when the 3rd comes around and she's going to talk to me I'm scared she's going to tthink I just forgot about her and she wunt want to try things again with me...

Have you stopped to consider why you were in a rage to begin with? Have you considered that maybe she feel a little afraid of where that rage would go next? Maybe you need to work on that, because telling her you've changed over shut a short period isn't really believable. Seriously, if I knew my 16 year old daughter's boyfriend was bursting out in a rage every so often I'd tell her he probably wasn't a keeper.

You need to understand that feeling love for someone is not enough. With that love comes respect, admiration, loyalty, trustworthiness, patience and many other emotions. If you respected her, you'd respect her wishes and let her figure out what is best for her, even if it hurts you.

Thanks... ill keep everyone updated.

Well vie already talked to her mom and everything seems to be okay.

Actually, I think you should stay off relationships until you work on your anger issues. Get counseling and consider an anger management class. You're going to continue treading on dangerously thin ice until you do, not just where your personal life is concerned but in all other aspects as well Eventually you're going to end up doing something foolish that'll get you in a lot of trouble. Anger is a disease that kills if you don't get it treated. See a professional now.

Its not that bad of anger though... I just break up with her and jump to conclusions and talk to her nasty when I'm mad? Maybe your rite maybe your not... ill ttalk to my mom

And you know what sucks now... I feel like every guy is talking to her now... and trying to hang out with her..

Quote:

Originally Posted by DANNN

its not that bad of anger tho....

Yes it is. And I'll prove it to you with one sentence. Here it is...

Quote:

Originally Posted by DANNN

i jsut break up with her and jump to conclusions and talk to her nasty when im mad?

Thanks for saying that. If you get so mad that you have to break up with someone to show her that your in control you have anger problems. If you have to start degrading someone to show her your in control then you have anger problems. If you think belittling the people around you solves your problems than you have anger problems. You have anger problems.

I just said this the other day in a thread to someone who was just a little older than you but had verbally and emotionally abused his girlfriend like you have done. And you have so don't start making excuses. Elementary school fits of anger and abuse to control those around you work in elementary school. Elementary school fits of anger and abuse to control those around work some in middle school. Elementary school fits of anger and abuse work on a select few in high school to control those around you. In real life in which you face 2 years that BS won't work on anybody.

And I'll tell exactly what happened with your ex. After 8 months of being with a elementary school boy she decided she wanted to be with a man. Even in high school she knows that she can find someone with the maturity of at least a middle schooler and do better than this. Why would anybody and I mean anybody want to be around someone who when he loses it starts berating and insulting them. Why would anybody want to be with someone that values their relationship so little that they end every time they get mad.

So why don't you use this situation as a true wake call and really get some help and an handle on it now before real life slaps you in the face in a couple years. Look some people go there whole life and never get the problem solved and they wind up lonely and empty. And by the way don't do this for her but do it for you and do it for your future.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DANNN

maybe ur rite maybe ur not...ill ttalk to my mom

We know S_ciani is right. You may not even know why you lose it when you get mad. Someone can help you find the way and provide better solutions to help you cope. I'll be honest with you, and I'm not sure this means anything at your age but I run two hotels and I've dealt with many employees who have a chip on their shoulder and think they can start harassing other people. I deal with them by telling them by firing them. That can be your future or you can talk to you mom or school councelor or pastor or somebody that can help you address these problems. Because the truth is if you acting like this at 16 with no control or no other outlet to get the anger out then what are you going to be acting like when your 25 or 35?

Unless you get to the bottom of your own problems, your relationships will all end up the same way with your wondering what happened. You need to get honest with yourself and find out where all that rage comes from because to tell the truth nobody deserves to be treated like you treat them when you get mad.

Dann, for you to say "it's not that bad, I just break up and speak nasty to them is ..." is bad enough. I guess you figure yelling profanities at someone is okay? Who taught you that?

It's wrong and you know it, and you need to find a way to take control. I think you may already know how, cause I don't think you act that way with every single person you know, but you choose who to vent to and who to control it with, is that partially true??

Quote:

Originally Posted by momincali

It's wrong and you know it, and you need to find a way to take control. I think you may already know how, cause I don't think you act that way with every single person you know, but you choose who to vent to and who to control it with, is that partially true???

Well I tried to rep you but I had to spread it but that is soooooo very true. These people who uses the excuse I have anger issues sure wouldn't have it if they were standing nose to nose with a UFC fighter. They are selective in their anger and it's always at someone smaller or some one that won't defend themselves.

Yeah... guess what... I did it again today... im pretty sure she's got nothing let for me... but I talked to me mom about thropy and things I can do and she booked me something... so hopefully after 2 weeks ill be a new man

Quote:

Originally Posted by momincali

It's wrong and you know it, and you need to find a way to take control. I think you may already know how, cause I don't think you act that way with every single person you know, but you choose who to vent to and who to control it with, is that partially true???

Yes acually that is true...

If you are seeking therapy Dann, that's great, but please be realistic and don't expect changes after two weeks, that's just not going to happen.

If you're going to do it, stick with it for as long as it takes.