The mother has no legal case started against me for visitation or support as of yet. There is no set custody agreement. We had no DNA to prove Im the dad and the child is 11 yrs old... and all she says is I didn't come see her enuf or send any money to help her support the child, even though legally I was not the father by her choice. She put father unknown on the Birth Certificate and refused my offer for DNA and support when the child was around 2 yrs old, because she said she only wanted me to be a part of the baby's life. She has called me a deadbeat dad for 11 yrs,but she still never bothered to get DNA done until now. I never denied the child was mine and tried to do as much as I could for when I was able to see her, Bought clothes and shoes, B-day and X-mas gifts and visited as often as I could when I knew where she was living, even though there was no proof that she was mine. She moves and changes numbers quite often, or ignores my texts and calls, then blames me for not trying harder or doing more. Now that we have the DNA results stating that I am the father she won't let me see the child until I get an attourney. Can she do this? I have been trying to make plans to see my child since January 28th 2011,just after DNA test was completed, and the mother has broken the plans each time and blamed me for it. All because I refused to sign the birth certificate until DNA came back. Her exact words were, " Since I had to fight you to get you to sign the birth certificate... now I'm gonna be a B**CH, so you can't see her until you get an attourney" Im lost... first she complains that I don't do enuf, then she stops me from doing anything at all. Can someone please help me out here? What am I doing wrong?

Now that you have been proven to be the father, you need to go to your family court and file for either joint custody or visitation. You now have the parental rights of a father but they are meaningless unless you take steps to exercise them. There is no custody agreement in place for her to violate, so she (legally at least) is doing nothing wrong. Your local legal aid office may be able to help. Additionally, family courts in many jurisdictions offer assistance or instruction via their website. In the meantime, document your efforts to visit and save any phone messages that indicate her refusal to let you do so. Keep receipts of your purchases for you child. All of there can be helpful in a custody or visitation case.

You have to go to Court and get Court-ordered visitation rights. These "side pocket" arrangements are ALWAYS a problem. Get the Court involved. "Family Court" (or whatever it's called in your area) is very user friendly.

Paying support does not entitle you to visitation. They are separate issues.

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Originally Posted by kcomissiong

In the meantime, document your efforts to visit and save any phone messages that indicate her refusal to let you do so. Keep receipts of your purchases for you child. All of there can be helpful in a custody or visitation case.

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Actually this is meaningless - there is no visitation order so what the mother says or doesn't say about visitation is immaterial. At the moment all the father has is unexercised rights. He needs to go to Court and get his rights set down on paper.

As far as purchases for the child - I am in NY. Maybe it's different in Virginia. "Purchases" for the child are NOT deemed support; they are gifts.

Paying support or not paying support, buying gifts or not buying gifts, are meaningless when it comes to visitation and/or custody.