My husband's mistress faked a pregnancy he asked her to terminate and she said she isn't pregnant and just wanted to see if he cares. Since then he isn't the same I think he feels bad? He told me he was using protection and the condom broke that he loves me and does not want a child with her. He has not spoken to her since she told him she faked it but I think he is not feeling very good, he is always thinking. Does he love that woman? Not sure what to think.

Maybe he feels bad for what he has done. Maybe he is thinking about what a horrible mistake he made and how it has effected your relationship. Maybe he does still care for her as well. Only he knows what he is feeling and thinking. He may or may not share that honestly with you if you were to ask him about it. I don't know how much you have openly discussed with each other or if you even have. Is he willing to do so or does he prefer not to discuss it?

You could always mention that it appears he has been doing a great deal of thinking lately and would he like to talk to you about what's been on his mind.

Have the two of you tried counseling? That may be a good option if you are not feeling as though this is something you can work through together on your own.

How do you feel about knowing your husband had a mistress. Have you forgiven him for cheating on you and almost having a child with another woman because he couldn't keep his pants on. Has he explained why he has broken his vows. What does he plan on doing to fix the situation, has he offered to go to marriage counseling or are you just suppose to accept that he feels horrible about this so-called mistake.

What is he so upset about--the affair or getting caught. How many times was he with this woman, once,twice --months?

I really feel that you both need help in healing from this trangression. Have you considered professional marriage counseling, if he won't go please at least go for your own sake. I am very sorry that you are having to go through this hurt and hope everything works out for you.


Take care

Doesn't matter if he loves her or not, the real point is he is a lying cheater, and the only thing that matters is what you do about it.

Its standard operating procedure for a married guy to LIE and tell a mistress what ever it takes to get in her drawers.

He is willing to go for counseling but I do not want to live a lie and stay with a man who is still thinking about his mistress.

I understand that your totally devastated by his action. I am not going sit here and try and talk you into staying, but I would like to encourage you to please go with him to counseling. This is for YOU and your healing. This gives you a starting point to begin your next step. Iam not going to say that this counselor has a magic wand to erase all your pain, but he/she will be there for you to talk too and to guide you.

As far as him going, let him. He needs to sit and hear what devastation he has caused to his family. But, bottom line this is for YOU. I know we don't know each other, but if you were here we would rally the girls and have a night out! Whatever you decide please make sure before making any moves you contact an attorney, so you know what your choices are.

Take care

Your problem of course, is not with the other woman and the games she plays. Your problem is your marriage, and whether there is anything there worth saving.

Because you refer to her as 'his mistress' I presume he's been cheating on you a long time. I read nowhere that he let her go for all the right reasons. He says he hasn't had anything to do with her since she, lied to him, and somehow he finds that just too much of a lie.

So you question his motives, and he questions is mistresses motives, and is mistress just tries harder to keep him.

Because you say nowhere that he is remorseful enough to even convince you that he is serious enough, or worth the effort in attending marriage counselling, you really have only two choices.

Continue as you have been, waiting for him to be hit with a golden ray of light, turning him suddenly into a man who sees what he's done, and who falls at your feet begging forgiveness, and runs to the nearest marriage counsellor, or, you can take control of your own life. That may mean realizing that while he is still contemplating his mistress on one hand, he is weighing that against whether he wishes to be married to you. I would say the scales are not in your favour, because he's still juggling both women.

The mistress is capable of faking a pregnancy, therefore she is capable of taking that one step further, and tricking him into pregnancy. Then where will you be. Still waiting for him to let her go, or preparing a baby room for when he has weekend visits. Do you want to spend the rest of your life being involved with him, her, a baby? Even without the baby, you are allowing yourself to be involved with a man, who is involved with another woman. No good can come of allowing yourself to be in this position.

He's in, or he's out. I would go ahead, just for your own peace of mind, and book appointments with a marriage counsellor. He or she will allow you both the tools you need, to set boundaries, goals, and expectations. The first one will be no contact with the drama queen. You will soon have no doubt as to whether to stick this out, or realize that it is over. If he cannot drop 'the problem' and work hard on saving his marriage, you will have your answer.

I think it's time for you to put an end to being a passive participant here. Step up, get some professional guidance, and make a decision. As long as you allow yourself to be held at bay while he figures out what he wants, your life is in a holding pattern, and you allow yourself to be a victim of his actions.