Ask Me Help Desk - Another Sex Question...

I bet there are tons of women thinking the same thing as I'am but I can't help it. I want a answer to my specific problem. (Which id find if I knew how too Google.. Heh.) Okay me an my boyfriend have been together for about three years now. It seems to be the magic number before boyfriends don't seek sex from you anymore... its totally annoying. I thought men were complete pervs, but I guess I'm more of a perv than the one I chose. Damn it... Anyway! Off track... uh I'm feeling a little on the down side. My boyfriend doesn't want to have sex with me, we used to do it allll the time. Now id be lucky to get it once or twice a month. I will admit I enjoy sex, I like having it as much as possible.

Why won't my boyfriend have sex with me? Im 22 and still cute... I think... maybe...
Am I asking too much of him for wanting it when I want it?
Am I asking too much for asking him to adventure with toys and being dominate?
Can't I have it when I WANT IT DAMN IT! (Lol)
I know its wrong for me wanting to leave him to gain my sexual fantasies but what can I do? I want adventure...

Was this a sudden drop or a gradual decline?

There are so many causes of a drop off sex in relationships (including a normal decrease from the lust-filled Honeymoon stage into a more stable long-term relationship) that about all I can do is give you things to think about and places to start for finding your own answers.

How old is your boyfriend?
Does he have any health concerns?
Is he on any medications?
Does he use drugs or drink a lot?
Is he under a lot of stress from work, family, friends, school, etc.
Are there any children adding their complications?
Is he being turned off by some of the things you want to try?

How is the rest of your relationship?
Do you show each other affection without expecting sex?
Do you share intimacy in ways other than sexual contact?
Do you pressure him to have sex?
How do you approach him about trying new things or being more adventurous?

You aren't wrong in wanting to have fun and try new things (within reason). However, as much as you have your wants and needs so does he. Have you sat down and talked to him when sex isn't expected about needs, wants, desires, etc. Have you tried finding out what he needs and how the two of you can compromise?

Keep in mind that stress and exhaustion are very big libido limiters. Adding pressure to have sex when the person doesn't feel like it only adds more stress and greatly reduces the libido even more. Topping it off with trying to get someone to experiment with things he/she isn't comfortable with is even worse.

Communicate with him. Work together as a couple to find out what works for both of you.

IF he isn't willing to talk, listen, work with you, etc. then it may be time to determine if this relationship is the right one for you. However, make certain you look at the full picture before you make any decisions that can't be undone. If you were getting more sex, would you be okay with keeping other things as fantasy?

Also, playing games and adding things should be done over time instead of all at once.

OK, so this makes me sad.. I know what you are going through and I feel as if I am about to go through this as well... as I have been banned to the "once a day rule", which sounds minor... but... OK so is this a gradual thing or has it just come to a screeching hault. To be honest, some people are just not sexual... but from the sound of it it seems like your boy is. In that case.. girl go get him some cialis or whatever it is called because you deserve intimacy. Does he still say "i lov eyou"

I know its hard, but is there anyway he could be falling out of love with you.. I know passion dies and romance fades, but the love for each other should always come alive when you kiss. And since your young... chances are that that kissing would lead to tother things. I know where you are coming from.. you feel alone, deflated, and probably pretty unattractive to him.. the one thing I can say is that you have to be upfront... honest is the best thing in relationships... if you can't be honest with him then he's not the one for you.. and to be honest girl, if he's too "busy" or whatever to listen to you and have a constructive conversation, then the man doesn't deserve you. Hope this helps...

Quote:

Originally Posted by aa1454

girl go get him some cialis or whatever it is called because you deserve intimacy.

Aa, you have given some good advice. Enough so that I did not want to officially disagree with you.

However, please do recommend that someone gets drugs of any type for another person especially when the drug is by prescription only. It is extremely dangerous advice to give. Without knowing his medical history or health in general. It could cause serious problems if she took you up on that part of your advice.

Sorry, wasn't meaning it literally.. kind of just like a saying..

I understand, but we have to be very careful about how we say things. Some people take 'just a saying' literally.

Welcome to AMHD.

Quote:

Originally Posted by aa1454

but from the sound of it it seems like your boy is. in that case.. girl go get him some cialis or whatever it is called because you deserve intimacy. does he still say "i lov eyou"

i know its hard, but is there anyway he could be falling out of lvoe with you.. i know passion dies and romance fades, but the lvoe for eachother should always come alive when yall kiss. and since your young... chances are that that kissing would lead to tother things. i know where you are coming from.. you feel alone, deflated, and probably pretty unattractive to him.. the one thing i can say is that you have to be upfront... honest is the best thing in relationships... if you can't be honest with him then hes not the one for you.. and to be honest girl, if hes too "busy" or whatever to listen to you and have a constructive conversation, then the man doesnt deserve you. hope this helps...

Also have to disagree - sexual performance drugs are dangerous. I realize they are available on line and on the street but they are highly dangerous. They also don't "work" if there is no interest, no stimulation, no desire. They are not magic pills.

They also can kill people who take them without a consult with a Physician and a prescription.

I don't know that the OP isn't confusing love and sex. At any rate - they need to talk. If OP needs more sex than boyfriend is able/willing to provide, it's time to go.