I have been dating the same guy for almost seven years. We have a very good relationship most of the time until I bring up marriage. He is 36 and I am 43. He has NEVER been married and I was married when I was 19 and I have a daughter in college now.

He still lives at home and his mother does everything for him... She irons his clothes everyday and puts them on his bedroom door and packs his lunch and his gym bag. When he comes home his plate is waiting for him... she heats it up and he eats... get up and she does the rest... she makes his bed washes his clothes starts his car... you name it... she does it for him.

I feel he will never want to move out or start a life with me because she maeks it so he doesn't want for anything. We have broken up 2 or 3 times because I wanted more and he always says he's sorry and he does want to marry me. So because I love him so much and want a life with him I go back. Well now its been over a year again and he still has not made any effort to change anything! Please I do not want to be stupid anymore like my friends and his friends tell me. But its hard when you don't just want to get married you are madly in love with someone that will not make a life with you... he will not even move out and get his own place. Which I think would help.. So What DO I DO!!

Should I just face the facts and believe what eveyone tells me... that he will never marry me. Its so hard to face... I Love him so much. He is all I want. But I need more in my life than to see him a few hours 5 days a week. And only get to wake up with him once or twice a month. Its so sad to want so much more and he just will not give it to me. I tell him... If this is the way you want it tell me because I will move on and he will tell me that no someday he wants to marry me... So with that I keep holding on... but how long can I do this... Does it make me a bad person because I want more and I don't want this life anymore... I want a life together not 3 or 4 hours a day and then he goes home and I am alone again...

Please HELP M...

Bridgette7

I think you know the answer here, your guy is a mama's boy, and will probably still be in 10 years time, she's like a really really good housekeeper/maid,except that she's his mother,why would he leave now, he's waited on hand and foot, she adores him I'm sure, are you willing to do that for him, wait on him hand and foot,let him be a leach on you? No, I didn't think so.

As hard as it is, move on, go get the relationship you want, the man you want.

At 36 he's not going anywhere,and while your with him, neither are you.

Don't you deserve more?

Your friends are right.

Good post Red, they wanted me to spread the rep, but wanted to let you know!!


Bridgette,

You and I are around the same age. So, my question is how many more years are you going to waste sitting around waiting on a man that apparently hasn't grown out of being a mama's boy. Then there is also the tought what in the heck are you going to do with him if you do get him. Good lord, woman you are going to have step up and take his Mothers place. Are you ready to to ever darn thing for him except tucking him in--heck maybe she does that too.

You're a grown A** woman don't you want a grown man that doesn't need his mommys permission to come out and play. No offense, but it really comes down to you--either shut or get off the pot here. Stop using him as your excuse as to not moving on and putting yourself out there.

I know its hard at our age to enter into the great unknown, but take it from me it can be done and it does work out for the best. Iam not saying it doesn't have its ups and downs, but heck all of life's choices do. Its those hard knocks that let us know we are still in the learning process!!

Don't waste anymore time, take those steps, yes they will be hard, but well worth it in the end.

Take care

You have already waited 7 years, and are no closer to what you want than you were 3/4 years ago.

He has no reason to change... things are very rosy for him as they are. If he really wanted to start a married life with you, he would have by now.

He may be a great guy and fun to spend time with, but he is not marriage material at this stage. If it hasn't happened in the last 7 years, it isn't likely to happen anytime soon.

Maybe continue to enjoy spending time with him once in awhile if you want to, but allow yourself the opportunity to meet someone who is at the same stage of life as you are. He just isn't in the same place. Get out with friends, get involved in activities where you can meet other people, continue to move forward.

Sounds like he has his cake and gets to eat it too.

Every time you break up, you end up going back to him anyway, what's there for him to change?

If he really wanted to make things happen, he would have done it by now.

Why would you take him back if he didn't even give you a proposal? So all it takes is for him to say, "I'll do it, I'll propose..." and it's enough for you to take him back?

Send his mum to me... I too could enjoy being idle, pampered and self indulgent.

Unless he ever considers looking for a replacement mummy, there's only room for one in his life.

Oh boy this is a very sensitive and sticky situation. I married a mamas boy and although his mother did not wait on him hand and foot, she had the power to make him wait on her. BUT at 43 years of age it will take a huge event and maybe a miracle for your partner to change. I met my husband at the age of 15, it took me 16 years of tough times to get to where we are today. Where is his dad, how is your relation with his mother.. does she maybe not want him to get out too but has not said anything and just keeps doing what she has done stuck in a rut.Is he an only child?
I battle to understand why mothers don't want there children to be happy and doing what life is intended for? Is she afraid of being alone??
At the same time you have to enjoy your life from now on,life is short!! Can't you offer the love you have to someone who really wants it? I really feel for you, how does your partner treat you though?? Asking question just to understand more xx

You were also part of this.

Stayed with him. Let all of this transpire. Waited around.

This will stay the same for another 7 years, as much as you try. Or what you may wish to happen.

If you want someone that is invested all in. Its not him.

Take a hike, forget what his mother puts in his ear & find an adult, not a 43 yr old. Kid.

Im sure he does does fine with 2 woman doting.

He should know better. Maybe momma didn't teach him that.