My boyfriend and I have been on and off for almost a year now, and before we started going out I was committed to saving myself for marriage. But, about 6 months into the relationship that all went down the drain and he left me broken hearted when he went on a 5 week trip to europe. Now we've had a great six months when he came home, but we have clear and extreme differences. I love him so much, and I know he loves me too, but I feel like I am giving everything I have to a relationship that we both know is just temporary. We have core, fundemental differences that make it hard for me to stay in this relationship. It seems like there is always something bothering me, some little unimportant thing that causes tension or unrest between us. They aren't major problems, but I'm afraid they will build into something awful and I don't want to face an even harder breakup. Should I let the relationship play out or should I end it before it gets bad? Yet I don't want to miss out on what it could be... :( :confused:

sarah83089,

I am sorry you are having such a dilemma. But personally I think you are thinking and worrying too much. Maybe he is sensing your apprehension and that is the 'atmosphere' you feel. My suggestion is to relax a little and focus some more, and trust your own gut instincts.

I agree with bludrose. Worrying and thinking too much. Relationships have their ups and downs. When your down how both of you work through things that will be important. When your up, then how you deal with things together. Being committed, means that you always communicate with each other. Always be opened to each other. I think you need to just enjoy your time with your other half. The minor little things may add up but that will only happen if you stop communicating with each other.

So continue to love each other. Be with each other and communicate with each other. Everything will work out just fine.

Joe

I think you have a very fatalistic view of life and an attitude adjustment would be great. Please seek a professional to help.

Well I really haven't had such a fatalistic view of life until just recently. I am actually a very idealistic person and am very optimistic... my boyfriend is the fatalistic one : (
Kind of sad, right? Do you think he's just scared of disappointment?

Your post sounds very ambivalent. On the one hand you claim that there are "core, fundamental differences" between you, then in the next sentence you go on to say that little, unimportant things are causing tension and unrest between you. Then you end by saying that you don't want to "miss out on what it could be." You need to address just what are these differences you speak of and are they something you could live with or not. You need to decide this based on what's right for you. Something that may be nothing to someone else might be a great deal to you. That doesn't make you right or wrong, it's just a matter of personal preference. We can't make the decision for you and can't even really give you suggestions without some more details.

We have so many differences. He's pessimistic I'm optimistic. He's realistic I'm idealistic. I believe in giving everything you have to one person and not wasting it on people along the way who aren't your together forever person. He's in college, I'm in high school. I'll be going out of state next year which is why I say we won't be together. He doesn't go out much, he used to be a huge partier but now thinks it is stupid to drink to get drunk... he drinks "casually" which is total bull sh*t. he hates when I'm drunk or high. He is on the phone with either me or my best friend almost all the time... not so much lately though, he's low on minutes. I just don't feel very important, unless I am like fishing for some reassurance and that shouldn't be our relationship. I want to live my life to the fullest and have a lot of experiences but I love him soooo much and I do not want to lose him. He believes that if I make him happy, then no matter if we are right for each other, we should be together. And he makes me happy too, but it's hard to be in this relationship. He does stupid things like making his facebook.com page say that he's single because "it doesnt mean anything". When I call him and he's busy he's very impatient and indifferent towards me. And he'll even call me back when he's out even though he's not going to be interested in what I have to say. I make him out to seem like a lame guy, but he really is great. He's funny and really cares about me. We have a huge connection and mad chemistry and a great bond. I am quite indecisive about all of this I know. I just don't want to make the wrong decision. He's everything to me.

Sarah if he where the one you wouldn't be here talking as you do and you don't sound very happy to me. Your both young and learning though. You will learn how to talk and relate to each other and even how to disagree.

I honestly think if you're still in HS, you're too young to be worrying & analyzing the relationship so much. Just be happy with him being your boyfriend. I don't know what the chances are that you 2 are meant to be together or will end up marrying each other. Of a lot of my friends & people I know from HS, only a handful ended up with their HS sweetheart. That's not to say it won't happen for you, but don't dwell on it. Just enjoy it for now & see what happens.

My husband & I are not a lot alike at all, but when it comes down to it we basically have the same values & morals - if you don't have any of that in common, then maybe it's not meant to be. Then again, you're young now, my views on a lot of things changed since I was in HS as I'm sure my husband's did too.

Like I said, just enjoy it for what it's worth right now & if you can't enjoy it, then end it!

Thank you for all your help... I guess I'll just let it play out for now.
Do you think it's possible, though, that I give too much of myself to him? That I won't have anything for future loves?

Getting way ahead of yourself. You have not really heard any of the advice given, have you?

: (
It's not that I want to give everything to him... I feel like I already have.
I have heard the advice, I want us to be more casual and fun but how do you go back 10 months to a time when you weren't so emotionally invested?

You do not. I feel like I repeat this one hundred times a day but here goes one more time.

If you live in the past you will not be able to move forward. The most important day is today. Live for today, which is most import. Do not look at the future or worry about the future because if you do you will end up missing out on today. Do you really want to do that?

Joe

Thank you for being patient : )
I understand

Your welcome, anytime! (;

Sarah, is it possible that you're just feeling really guilty that you didn't save your virginity like you should have and so now you're doubting your decision to continue with this guy?

Whether you choose to stay with him or not, don't sleep with him anymore. Yeah he may be cute and sweet and funny and all that good stuff, but you're too young and he's not committed. Go on dates with him, heck, go on dates with others, just keep it light, you don't need this drama in this stage of your life, trust me!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by sarah83089

thank you for all your help... i guess i'll just let it play out for now.
do you think it's possible, though, that i give too much of myself to him? that i won't have anything for future loves?

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If you don't enjoy life and grow a little as a person each day then no you won't have anything to give. But if you do then you'll have more to give then another person can take.

Thank you so much! I decided to just talk to him about it last night... it went really well. He said that it doesn't matter at all what we do, he loves me none the less!