Hello folks, after 2 years separated my wife and I have decided to give it another try we split up because she had an affair of 4 years, and a few affairs before that. We are now in counselling and I am back home with the wife and three kids. During the two year separation I was involved with a lovely professional lady with her own house and own car and my wife did not like her at all. I am not sure if her boyfriend broke up with her and that's why she was single but as she was she asked me if I had still feelings for her so I broke it up with the professional lady even though I had strong feelings for her as I needed to try for the sake of the children. I have a rented property in the same village as my wife and kids but I may give this up as at present my wife receives tax credits and I really shouldn't be living with her and the kids without declaring it. Though I am still a bit frightened to give up the house as if it doesn't work out I will have no where to live in the village near the kids. My wife tells me she loves me but then she always did say that all through the affairs. Don't know what to do , please help.

I wouldn't usually give advice to a subject that I don't have a lot of experience in, but thankfully there are a lot of great experts on this that I'm sure will give their advice, but I will say that I don't think your marriage is going to work, you wife sounds like a nasty piece of work and if I was in your shoes I would get out... quick.. she sounds like the type of woman that will try and shut you out of the children's life and if I'm correct you need to seek legal advice and find out all your options, I feel this is the only reason you have put up wit all this BS from your wife, you found a lovely new lady and I pray that in time she can forgive you for dumping her and you will have a happy ending but in the meantime you need to cover your own back and look after yourself, put yourself first this time, no child is happy in a loveless marriage so your not doing them any favours by staying, they want you to be happy and your wife. But as I said I'm far to young and inexperienced in this field... good luck

Your starting anew with your wife,is there any reason for the rush to move back in?

You can continue counselling see the kids and 'date' your wife,have your own place, at least until YOUR sure it is emotionally,mentally and financially safe for you to move back in.

After the affairs she has to earn back your trust,if that takes some time so be it.

My only concern is the reason you give to have another go with your wife... 'for the sake of the kids'.. in my experience, children adapt very quickly with a divorce or separation if both parents are happy apart and involved in their children's lives.

For your marriage to work, YOU and your wife need to be happy and content together,because you want to be with each other.

Your children will grow up and move on... they always do! and you and your wife will be left together,forever after, how does that sit with you?

You are perhaps in a position of power at this stage, recignise the place you are in,and make decisions wisely, this is your life, and forever is a long long time with someone your not sure of.

Sorry for not being clear but I am back living with my wife and kids at the minute but just a bit frightened to give up the house in the village as it will be difficult to get another one if things don't work out for us. We do love each other but not sure it is enough

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Originally Posted by jacqui63

sorry for not being clear but I am back living with my wife and kids at the minute but just a bit frightened to give up the house in the village as it will be difficult to get another one if things dont work out for us. We do love each other but not sure it is enough

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If your not sure then don't do it... simple as that.

Keep the house in the village, state your terms and bounderies with your wife, let her know what your concerns are, and they are not without cause.

And just to be sure to be sure, keep up the counselling, even just for yourself.
You need to be strong and sure of your actions and decisions, it would seem from your posts your wife has held all the power in this relationship for a long time, time now for you to take back your power.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/marria...lp-551290.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/other-...rn-529391.html

Before we go further, please explain the eerie similarity between these posts and why this thing started a s a female who wants her car back and then goes to a male who moves back with the ex.

Just me I suspect that someone is using another's account and forgot to log in properly, or you are a troll who wants different answers than what they have. Clear this up please or there will be little choice but to close and delete all your threads for user abuse.