My wife had a 1 month Emotional affair with a guy, and she recently told me about it. We are working on the marriage, but she feels the need to explain to the other guy why they can no longer see each other? Like the fact that she's married isn't enough reason! I sent the guy a message to never contact her again, but she has turned this around so that now I'm the ******* in this situation. I want to ring her neck, and put a good beating into her, but have never mistrreated her in any way, and I don't want to lose her. She said she needs closure on the affair, but I want it ended now, no further contact. Am I wrong here?

If you aren't already in Marriage Counseling, you might want to think about going.

Yes, she needs to make a clean break and have no further contact with the other man if she is serious about working on her marriage.

You need to accept that you cannot force her to make changes. She has to make them herself. You can try to explain to her why she should do certain things, but she has to be willing to do them.

Show her this thread: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...qs-510423.html. It is about No Contact. No Contact is a process of letting go of ALL forms of contact with an ex. It is about ending the confusion that contact keeps alive. It may be hard for her to understand that closure comes from within. It is not something that someone else can give you. It is an acceptance that the relationship is over and moving on. She needs to close the door on that relationship and fully open the one on her relationship with you.

What are you doing to rebuild your relationship?

You are naturally feeling angry. Anybody would be. It is a natural reaction in my opinion to this devastating breech in what was, or so you thought, a relationship that was solid.

Try now, to put your anger aside, and look at the bigger picture.

She made a mistake. She also knew that telling you about it, would be painful, and would shake her marriage, and your relationship with her, to the core. She has risked a great deal in facing you, with the truth of what she has done. She has also accepted the responsibility of her actions, and the consequences of same.

But you are in the position of catching up. While she has had the 'luxury' of ending the relationship with the other man, and coming clean to you, she's had time to think, and prepare, and expect what will happen, when she told you.

You have not had this luxury of easing into the information; it has hit you suddenly, without warning, and very hard. That is why your emotions are raw, and understandably so.

Also, anything you do is 'after the fact' and serves no useful purpose. While you called this other man, makes no difference now, as the relationship he had with your wife is over. Your anger, and all the other emotions you are feeling, should be worked out, only with your wife.

It is possible to survive this, and move beyond what has happened, and eventually return to trusting your wife, but it takes time, and a great deal of work to overcome. Remember that she could have made the decision not to tell you, and you would never have known the difference.

It is possible, right or wrong, that she felt she had a need, or reasons to cheat. Again I say right or wrong. For a woman to suddenly nurture a relationship with another man, there must have been things going on that she chose, or you both chose together, not to address. For some reason, as yet unknown, she chose another man because she had, at least in her thinking, a need for something. THAT is what you need to find out, together.

I agree that marriage counselling will help enormously. There is no rule book or protocol for handling such a devastating blow to a marriage. It truly helps to, especially while things are so raw, to agree to speak to a third party, and in a healthier way, express yourself, and learn how to both address ALL the issues and all the pain and confusion that her actions have caused.

The best thing you can do, for yourself, and for your marriage, is agree with each other to seek mediation in solving the issues you are facing. You may think you can never forgive her, or she may think she can never forgive herself, but you may be surprised that once things are dealt with properly, that you will get past this.

Well your answer that you would put a good beatingn into her says it all are you a bully do you hit her what is your problem , why did she have this emotienel affear, are you the prob take a good look at, you,, did you misstreat her, you do sound very very bullyish, read your question back to yourslf and think,,

You are not completely wrong by having the feelings you do, neither is she to be honest, but if you cannot compromise to resolve this issue to the benefit of you both, then maybe an outside impartial mediator can guide you both to a solution.

Could she get closure by writing a letter, and being done with this? Or is it your way, or the highway? Look you may have been upset by this emotional affair, but is this yet another factor that led her down that path?

I don't think you will ever solve your problem with demands, and rigid rules, I think you make things worse, so my advice for you is to find a way to get through your anger, and get to a thoughtful place in your, mind and heart, and solve this dilemma together.