She moved in with my son in college and refused to move out. My husband and I paid for our 2 sons apartments while in college. She caused a dispute between them. Her mother did not know she had moved from the apartment she paid for her because she never visited. She lived in Memphis and we lived in East TN. Ours sons attended UTK. She blew her money on everything. She would demand for us to leave when we tried to vist our sons and we paid rent. My son was prev in Military and was aggressive until he met her. He lost his manhood or something. Today they are married and she would not allow our family at wedding and he allowed it- we paid for our share of wedding. We are constantly criticized about everything from her and him. The kiss up when they want something and I do everything to keep my family together but due to her bipolar and it seems my son has something wrong with him since he has married her. He claims he wants nothing to do with us and their life is none of my business. I have helped him finanically, and been a support for him. My husband and I visited and moved him in military, college, weddings, etc. I don't want to loose my son, but She is crazy and does all she can to cause division in my family. SHe even tapes conversations to manipulate and my son goes along with all she does. He is my only blood son. I am divorced from his dad and his stepfather has loved him and cherished their relationship since he was 12. Should I walk away and just pray God heals this family. He treats us like we are dogs. HELP me with suggestions.. Does anybody else have children playing head games with them due to daugther in laws? Her family does nothing with them except dish out money. We hike, camp, vacation, fish, and many activities with each other but she ends it with a problem or pretents to be sick every time.

Hi, I am currently at the end of my tether with my DIL... She has my son hooked... he is no longer the son I know. When he speaks, it is her speaking. If I call, he has to go on loudspeaker and she is in the background telling him what to say. She has been accepted along with her 5yo son into our family but she is always baiting me and playing my husband against me... crikey, I never wanted to be the mother in law from hell but I am heading that way. I feel she has won the husband over and now working on my other two sons. It breaks my heart, that a woman can have such power. I have decided to play her game, she can have them all, because, I am sure she will eventually be shown for what she is... When she came into our family she said she was so nervous because the father of her son's family didn't like her. "I wonder why?". Queen Bella, will fall, although, I'm afraid, in the process, she will have destroyed relationships.

I feel for you!

Heartnsoul

bebemantooth, I am sorry your question never got any answers before now. Maybe I can help.

Your son is an adult. If he is going to let his wife govern his family life, that is his choice. You need to stop paying his bills, quit letting him manipulate you, and let him learn from his own mistakes. I am sorry he is allowing his wife to cut family from his life, but until he wants that to change there isn't anything you can do about that. But you can stop supporting him financially and stop letting him use you.

Good luck!

So, she is bipolar, manipulative, and crazy. I think that from the tone in your post, that there has been some locking of horns between the two of you, that has resulted in this great divide in whiat should be, respectful relationships.

First off, if you choose to bail them out, that is a problem you have created. If it is to keep them in your life, or to have some connection with your son, it seems to have caused even further resentment on your part, because you are likely feeling used. Yet, you continue to allow them to use you in this way.

As an adult, and a married adult at that, with a child in the picture, there has to come a time where either you, or your son, or your daughter in law, or a combination of same, calls a truce, and somebody has to say 'uncle'.

Enough is enough.

If you keep your opinions to yourself about your daughter in law, and refuse to be drawn into arguments, they will learn that the nature of the relationship with you, has changed. If you insist on keeping things cordial, and polite, and refuse to entertain or engage in any drama, they will learn, in turn, a boundary. That being, if they cross the line, the conversation is over.

Try to stop proving why she is, as you say, bipolar, manipulative and crazy. Even if she is all of those things, all the 'evidence' in the world won't change the fact that your son chose to marry her, and like it or not, it is not your place to find fault with her. You don't have to be best buddies, but you need to be the adult here, and step up, and set the tone for how you will relate and communicate with her.

Let them live their lives without interference, and without propping them up financially. If you are right, your adult son will have to see this himself, and it could take 25 years. Do you really want to keep this bitterness up when grandchildren come along?

Rule of thumb: don't engage; retreat, and maintain a dignified stance with both your son, and your daughter in law. Don't allow any more money to be exchanged, and let them sort their own business, and live their own lives, without opinions coming from you. Let the bitterness go, and treat them both as you would any adults in your life. A little respect, and leading the way with stopping this never ending cycle, will go a long way in having at least cordial, mutually respective encounters with each other.

You would not, with your best friend, be so highly critical of her husband, nor would you likely let your opinions blind you to the fact that you are crossing boundaries by jumping into your friends problems, and her relationship with her husband. How you treat any other married couple you know, is how you should be treating your son, and your daughter in law.

Very good advice, and hopefully it will work for this writer. However, that is what I did one year ago on the advice of a family counselor. I was desperate for insight into how to communicate with such a personality as my DIL has. The result has been less contact with any of them, and all birthdays and holidays are spent with only her family- we are never included. And we live very close by.

Since then I have remained respectful of their lives and decisions, even though they are near foreclosure and credit card bills are astronomical. At her request, I was babysitting several days a week until she decided it was better if the boys (2 and three yrs old) were in daycare 11 hours/day, 5 days/week. Now my son only allows me short visits when she is not home. Her feelings of inadequacy and low self esteem cause her to continue to berate me to my son, even though my contact with her is minimal. She has succeeded in alienating him from all friends and now family.

My major concern now is that she is using our grandson's medical issue to display her expertise in the field of child development. She has visited surgeons and doctors and continues to find new ones if they do not agree with her "expert" opinion. It is breaking my heart that he will not be given every opportunity because she has already labeled him a failure and has a desperate need to be right about her "diagnosis". And no, I am not simply a doting grandmother- he is a charming, happy, beautiful three year old and meets all developmental milestones - who knows what he can achieve? Her 12 yr old son continues to be impacted by her maneuvers- she labeled him a troubled child to his kindergarten teacher and every one thereafter!- and he has lived down to her level of expectation.

Why doesn't my son stand up to her? I imagine because her training is in child development, and she is the expert - nothing he says carries any weight. She NEEDS to be right. This personality can hold a strong grudge for years. Even without provocation, the grudge spirals into intense, paranoid hatred. And I expect him to confront her ? I can only hope he will see how she is limiting the children's potential in order to validate her self-worth- but I think he desperately hopes she IS all-capable. Though she is an extremely detached mother, there is a bizarre sort of "Munchausen" slant to her involvement with the children, that at least one of them would need her expertise - even if no one else discerns a need, she will make it happen. I am extremely concerned for all of them.










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