Hi All

Recently started dating a guy about 3 months ago. I wouldn't call him a boyfriend or anything. However, I have fallen for him big style and we have continued to see each other from time to time. The only problem is that it is usually Alcohol related. I have told him that I would like to see him properly like go out for dinner etc. He has said that he is not ready to committ as he has had bad problems in the past with parents divorce etc. He has told me that I am exactly what he needs and wants in a girlfriend but I have come along at the wrong time. Help, how do I win him over, I hate when I am not around him

:confused:

I would suggest waiting, if you really want him that much.

Give him time and help him heal, form a relationship with him where you don't have to be an item, but can still get some enjoyment together. When he is ready you can start pushing, but I don't think you should yet.

If he is the right guy for you, then you have all your life to get him, no hurry! ;)

SuzyD]Hi All

Recently started dating a guy about 3 months ago. I wouldn't call him a boyfriend or anything. However, I have fallen for him big style and we have continued to see each other from time to time.
Just me, but this is not a lot of time to know someone well enough to pin yourself to his star. There has to be a lot you don't know about him.
The only problem is that it is usually Alcohol related.
By that I assume you mean bars and noisy places that you can't queitly chat and get to know each other.
I have told him that I would like to see him properly like go out for dinner etc.
Great idea, see him in various lights and get to know him.
He has said that he is not ready to committ as he has had bad problems in the past with parents divorce etc.
Dinners, shows, and having fun is a commitment? He obviously has not gotten over his past, and carries a lot of baggage he needs to deal with.
He has told me that I am exactly what he needs and wants in a girlfriend but I have come along at the wrong time.
A straight and honest answer.
Help, how do I win him over, I hate when I am not around him
:confused:

He may be a great guy and you are starting to have strong feelings for him, but he is not ready for you. You are doing what he likes , but is he doing what you like to do? Not a good sign, and I think your getting in to deep, to fast, and overlooking the fact that he is not ready for a relationship and shows signs he is not even ready to date yet. Dating is for fun, and getting to know each other, so stop hanging in bars and drinking, and do a variety of fun stuff. If he is unwilling to please you then consider him not ready and selfish, and using you to stroke his own hurt ego. In other words a REBOUND. You have feelings for him, but don't accept any treatment that is not appropriate no matter how you feel about him, he doesn't feel the same, so back up and be unavailable for any more bar hopping. He has buddies for that. Never forget that you deserve to be treated well. Don't settle for anything less.

It sounds more to me, that his idea of going out is drinking and most likely will always be drinking, and his idea of going out is to always do what he wants to do instead of what you want to do.

If he has no problem "seeing" you when you go out drinking, then the excuse to not see you for dinner, is just bull. And he is giving you a line to get his way.

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Originally Posted by SuzyD

Hi All

Recently started dating a guy about 3 months ago. I wouldnt call him a boyfriend or anything. However, I have fallen for him big style and we have continued to see each other from time to time. The only problem is that it is usually Alcohol related. I have told him that I would like to see him properly like go out for dinner etc. He has said that he is not ready to committ as he has had bad problems in the past with parents divorce etc. He has told me that I am exactly what he needs and wants in a girlfriend but I have come along at the wrong time. Help, how do I win him over, I hate when I am not around him

:confused:

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You know what I think you really like? I think you like the overwhelming challenge he provides and the mystery that surrounds him. I think you like the idea of being able to mold him from and troubled alcoholic who has just come from some family problems to a guy that you want. To his credit he's being honest with you and telling you that he has bigger things in his life right now, but apparently the way he deals with those problems is at the bar. Is that what you really want?

Does the word "player" mean anything to you. Most guys who date several different girls come up with a line that they have found not only works for them but gets them a little bit of sympathy along with it. The whole parents divorce thing, bad relationships etc, gives them an opportunity to be in the drivers seat and steer your "relationship" in whatever direction he wants it to go. If he really and truly is messed up and having issues with his parents divorce then he wouldn't be going out and rippin it up all the time. I mean come on have you ever known anyone who really and truly is in a bad place? They aren't really fun to be around. Maybe you should start showing up where you know he hangs out on a Friday night and do a little spying so to speak. See how much fun he is having and who he is with. I am willing to be its not the guys!

How old is he, first of all? Because a friend of mine has been having the same problem for the last few months with different men! They're all in their late 20's, early 30's and they all say the same thing "I'm too hurt to be in a relationship right now, I've been used and cheated on and afraid to go to that next level" which I think is b*llsh*t. I think it's just a lame excuse for a guy only because... That's OUR line! LOL Well, and the fact that they're like 30! Isn't that a little too old to be holding on to the past and not trying to move forward? But anyway, yeah, how old is he? :confused:

All the comments above make total sense. You like the mystery? Your getting to involved, he's not ready, to be honest he does not sound worth it, it seems a bit of a case of you wanting what you can't have? don't fall for second best ego strokes. Have some respect for yourself and get happy alone and eventually you'll meet soemone who's at the same level as you. - Don't go for anything less. If he's not ready find someone who is. Walk out the door and don't look back.

I was the same way with my ex, she would meet me up at bars all the time. I don't think I was ready to get serious but she did. She said she loved me within first couple of months. I couldn't say it back because I thought we were friends. She was actually mad that I said we were friends. So I was mysterious, and a challenge for her. She won me over when she broke up with me because I was going out with boys and bars all the time. She didn't want this. So I took a couple days to fugure if she was what I wanted. I called her and told her that I would stop going out with boys all the time. So I guess she won me over buy hanging around me all the time and when she wasn't I missed her. And I agree with chuff she did mold me into the person she wanted. And she did it all 5 years. That's probably why she kept breaking up ith me she didn't get her way so let me suffer, come back months later and tell me how it's going to be. Funny I'm starting to think clearer now of why she kept breaking up with me.

You say that most of the time alcohol is involved. Are you guys hook up buddies? If so then he is playing you.