I have been with a woman for five years, whom I love very much, this could take a while. Lets start at beginning ,

I was a builder, single for a year, 41 have a son as does she, She was married at the time totally unhappy and wanted out, We met (I live in another state) fell head over heels for each other, She moved out and I helped her get set up in an apt,( she got divorced) after two years I moved out of state to move in with her,

My business went under due to all the houses I got stuck with (lost every thing ) I moved in and started doing construction again and she didn't work( always had an excuse why she couldn't get a job and I helped her all the time with no questions asked) I work very hard but always seem just to make the bills and always asked her to help and get a job would take a huge strain off me , Am I wrong or should two people work as a team together

We moved out back to where I use to live to be by my son and family and her family, I even had a mild stroke from all the stress and I am a healthy person,

We are still struggling and she still doesn't work, We have arguments I try and tell her how I feel but always seems to be the victim and I don't listen to her emotional needs because she is depressed, I tell her you need to work not only for money but a piece of mind and for your son.

So we been in this big fight were I left the house cause she kicked me in the back when I was siting down and she says she can't take it , it seems all about her, She says I am needy when the only thing I want is a kiss when I get home and piece of mind for her and on top of that her ex who was a jerk going through the divorce , now there best friends and she talks to him about me asks him for money ( he gives along with wanting to get her health ins and tells her how much he still loves her ,Is that wrong on her part seems like a slap in my face )
I thought a relationship is were two people who love each other would do any thing to get through these hard times a lot of people are facing , Feel like I've been more then fair taking care of her and her son , neglecting my own son were I am realizing ( thank god we have a strong bond)

Is she just selfish and all about her, should I leave or stay and the sad part is I am not perfect but I try to do what is fair, helped her more then most men would have, even for the boys never did more for one then the other and her son isn't mine,
Thanks

What is it that you want now?

Do you want to stay and work it out? She is willing? Or do you want to leave?

If she is not willing to be a partner in the relationship, not willing to seek professional help for her depression, not willing to help out financially where she can, where does that leave you?

For me, I would cut my losses and go.

Your idea of a healthy relationship is right on track, so why are you settling for what she's doing?

Just as an aside point, the men on this site know their stuff and have time after time come up trumps with the best advice.

In my opinion I would end this relationship NOW. Let her go right back to were you found her.

Of course this is a hard lesson learned that there is always two sides to every depression story when it comes to marriage--YOU should know that!! You should have never got started with a married woman in the first place--so I will point out--once again Karma has a way of coming back and reminding us right from wrong!!

Obviously this lady has never had to work outside of the home. I am not saying being a stay at home mother isn't the a job on its own. But any woman who is not willing to get a job even if its parttime to help with supporting the FAMILY, then I have no use for her. I would have no respect for a man that doesn't get out and support his family at any cost, why the heck would I have any respect for a woman who won't!!

You need to put your health and welfare of you child first here. Sorry your not married to this woman, and if she is unwilling to even help when she see's the man she supposivley loves have a mild stroke due to stress of trying to make the bills, then you need to MOVE OUT!!

You're a grown a** man its time to realize who your priority is and go from there.

Take care

Hey, she loved you when you were raking in the dough, and expected you to continue.
What more is there to say?

ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to answerme_tender again

Separate yourself from this female, and get your own happiness back without her. Sounds simple, but I know its not.

Every time I read a post about hooking up with someone going through a divorce, I cringe, as I know it's a disaster waiting to happen. People need time to unpack their own baggage, and rebuild, before getting so attached to someone who comforts, and helps them get back on their feet.

You have done a great job of standing her up again, and giving her comfort, your job is done, now go take care of the things that matter most to you, and don't look back.
She wants what she wants, you want what you want, and its not the same so separate, and get what you want without each other.
You are a great guy, and I wish you the best.

They want to spread the rep TAl, but I wanted to let you know that was good post!

Thank you , The worst part is my love for her is true and dear and I always told her she was my
First true love and it took my 38 yrs to find her, but I guess even someone you love can were you out and bring you down, If people just learned to love each other and not sweat the small things and pick your argument wizely , loveing your best friend ,mate and companion we would learn to grow a lot closer in life and loveing someone would be grand,

Sorry she isn't your best friend or mate, otherwise she would feel the need to do whatever it took to help support this union financially. A true friend would never stand by and let their mate have a stroke, even if mild over having to make the bills. That my friend is just a selfish person --period.

Loving someone is a grand thing, but it has to be the right person otherwise it just comes down to you being used either emotionally or physically and yes in some instances BOTH.

The real woman that will actually be your friend,mate,companion is out there stop wasting yourself on this woman.

I am 6 3 tall 210 lb hard working and of cource very loveing anyone out there Lol Thanks you all been helpful , life has funny ways of knocking you down I guess you keep on moveing forward

If this was a dating site.. I would have answered! Rocks, Paper, Scissors Answer?

Answerme & Tal kind of nailed everything I would have said.

But on a personal level I know exactly what its like. I walked away from a 10 year relationship late last year for virtually the same reason, without the pysical stuff.

I, however was already months over this relationship before I walked away, and since doing so haven't felt one ounce of remorse, sadness or guilt for doing so. Resoundly so even my daughter has bounced through this.. although I have it semi prepared for the day that comes crashing down.

You do keep on moving forward. Not that you need to walk any taller, but you find you walk straighter, and life doesn't seem so hard with the burden gone.

You like me, learn from what we lived through and will be a little more skeptical.. but definitely wiser next time around! Ok for me, more skeptical and cautious but everyone's different.

Good luck :)

I don't want to be a party pooper here, but I'm not so sure bailing out is the answer at this time.

There are five shared years together, and there is, or has been, love, and a strong bond. How do you know that she isn't clinically depressed, and like many others, remains untreated. How do you know that that one fact alone wouldn't change her life.

It bothers me that she cannot let go of her husband, but, with money such an issue right now (that she doesn't contribute financially), and if her ex is offering, do you really expect her to not take it? If she has a good friendship with him, that is to the benefit of their son. If he is also offering medical insurance, perhaps he knows that if she has that, maybe she can afford medical care for her depression.

With your business failing and the good income you brought in is gone, she still stayed right? I don't think she's in this for the money, or she would have gone looking for greener pastures.

And while you went through devastating losses, financially particularly, and with your health, I presume she saw you through those difficult times? She may not have contributed financially, but she did contribute right? Was she, is she, good to your son, and do you see any value in non-monetary contributions she makes?

With the impasse that has happened, resulting in physical violence from her, against you, I have to ask how the two of you communicate your needs and wants, if both of you end up not resolving anything, and instead engage each other in arguments, that are getting worse.

Her picking up a job isn't going to solve all the problems. For all I know from what you've said, perhaps she has no skills, no work history, a lack of confidence, and scared to death to step outside the world that, until recently, was okay for both of you. You are not the only one who is likely facing the pressure of the relationship changing. And if depression is added on top of everything, again, unresolved, will not contribute to her making any changes for herself, or for your relationship.

Please try counselling to at least learn how to talk to each other, and listen to each other. Put your differences on the table, and learn how to work through them, and get past them. One of the things on her list might be her reluctance to find work, but why is what you need to know. It could be many reasons other than the obvious. A third party will help sort past the obvious and get to the meat and potatoes of it all.

If you love her as you say you do, and if she loves you, and if there is hope that taking a stab at counselling might help save the relationship, for the sake of all concerned, I hope you seek out that option.

Let the emotional dust settle, that's why I suggested a separation. You both need to see through your feelings without the influence of one another. Hard to make decisions under emotional duress.

Major rebound for her.

You should take that into consideration. Buyer beware.

Now cut your losses. She wasn't ready then or now. And sounds like you have your own stress do deal with, let alone someone with major baggage.

Plus once someone kicks you in the back (literally), split, & never look back.

Give your love to someone you will deserve it. Use your gut & this experience for next time.

Don't waste your time. Sorry man.

Lou,

Everyone has given great advice.

The way I see it is that she is using you.

You work.

You pay for everything.

You set her up in an apartment.

You help her with HER kid.

You you you.

What has she done? Nothing.

You sound like a good person with a good heart who deserves a woman who will value you.

That may seem harsh, but this is what I believe.

Yes, good to hear it from another angle.