Ask Me Help Desk - How do I make friends at college?

This is the hardest part of my life.

Before college, never had a girlfriend. Never kissed or even been friends with a girl. My experience with girls is null. All my friends are/were guys.

Now, I moved away and I'm living on off-campus residence with my own room, no roommate. I go to class, come back and stay in my room. Every weekend I drive 4 hours back home just so I can see my family and my friends.

I don't drink, smoke, party, or anything. That takes out a lot of options.

I just want to make some friends, but it's so hard for me to talk to strangers. I signed up for intramural hockey, I talk to one guy when we're alone (2 minutes before the game), but I never talk in the change rooms. There's too much people, it's wild, I'm quiet.

It would be like a dream come true, if I could at least meet a girl... haha. There's a lot in one of my classes but talking to one, approaching one.. Never.

I don't know what to do, I just feel lonely, trapped in my room, msning, bbming, texting, with all my old friends from home.

I'm not exactly sure about the reason behind this post, maybe some advice, maybe some help, maybe some pity, or just someone that can relate to what I'm going through. Anyway, this sucks.

Start by saying hello to people. Acknowledging existence. And don't be afraid of girls or intimidated, they are just people. If you talk to one, talk to them like you would a friend. Spark little conversations, "how's your day going?" "I like your shoes" or say what's on your mind to someone. It doesn't hurt and will help you become social.

First step is getting out of your room. Find things to do. Go for walks. Join clubs. Go do some volunteer work. Do you have a job? If not, maybe find one.

There's nothing wrong with going home and staying in touch with family and old friends. But sometimes if can be hard to make new friends if we never give ourselves the opportunities to because we're always with the old friends. Maybe stay on campus every now and then and get to know some people. You're not alone in not partying, smoking, or drinking. There's a lot of people like that. The problem is, it's easy to find all the people that party, smoke and drink because, well, they're at all the big parties together. Get yourself out there though and you're bound to find people you can hang out with.

And don't worry about the girls for now. Focus on making friends first. Love finds you when you stop looking for it a lot of times.

@Hadoken1337

I am intimidated, and find it really difficult to talk to them. I, however, cannot be the first one starting the conversation, it puts too much pressure on me. When I walk through the hallways I always have headphones on, but when I'm waiting for class to start because I'm usually a bit early, when people do sit near me, still no one talks to me, lol.

@justcurious55

I do walk back and forth to school, but no one would really talk to you while you're walking. Plus, I always have my headphones on. I did join a hockey team, not any clubs though, and I do not have a job.
When I do stay on campus (alone), I still never meet anyone. No one approaches me, and I find it difficult to approach someone at random.

No one approaches you because you are sending out the impression that you do not want to be approached. Walking alone with your headphones on puts you in your own world and it would take a very outgoing person who wasn't good at reading social cues to invade it.

Try this. Next time you're walking, even if you're alone, ditch the headphones for at least a part of your walk. Whenever you pass someone else walking alone just give a little smile or nod. You don't even have to say hello. Unless it's actually someone you already know through class or hockey or anything. In that case they would likely perceive you as either or uninterested if you didn't even say hi.

In addition to what justcurious mentioned, maybe just a simple comment about an assignment in one of your classes.

After you first walk in and sit down, you could comment about needing to get started on the research for something or that you are glad to see you have two weeks to get a paper done. Don't stop at just a one time comment either. The person you speak to will likely offer some type of response. They may even ask you a question about it, which can be the start of a short conversation. Once the ice is broken, then it will be easier to say hi when you see them around, or when you first come into class.

Get involved in some type of club or other activity as well. If you have an interest in music, for example, see what you can get involved in with like minded people. It is easier to get into a conversation when it is about something you know and enjoy.

You will be uncomfortable at first, it may even seem forced to you, but it will get easier the more you make the effort.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DoulaLC

In addition to what justcurious mentioned, maybe just a simple comment about an assignment in one of your classes.

After you first walk in and sit down, you could comment about needing to get started on the research for something or that you are glad to see you have two weeks to get a paper done. Don't stop at just a one time comment either. The person you speak to will likely offer some type of response. They may even ask you a question about it, which can be the start of a short conversation. Once the ice is broken, then it will be easier to say hi when you see them around, or when you first come into class.

Get involved in some type of club or other activity as well. If you have an interest in music, for example, see what you can get involved in with like minded people. It is easier to get into a conversation when it is about something you know and enjoy.

You will be uncomfortable at first, it may even seem forced to you, but it will get easier the more you make the effort.

That's a great suggestion. I've been feeling out of place in one of my classes this semester. Everyone was working in pairs or small groups and I didn't know anyone. It was really awkward. I finally decided to go for it though and asked the guy sitting next to me if he'd gotten the same answer I did. It wasn't really that I cared what his answer was, I just wasn't enjoying working all alone while everyone else worked together. Sure enough, he kept talking to me. And then he'd talk to someone else if we got stuck, and then I'd start talking to that person. He probably didn't even realize how much he was helping me feel less awkward either.