Ask Me Help Desk - Text flirting

I caught my husband of 11 years text flirting with his cousins wife we talked and talked and he said it was a silly mistake and takes full responsibility (she also came clean and said it was all her idea) but at the weekend I could not resist checking my husbands phone as he always never leaves it unattained but he did then and there were messages from him telling this person he wanted them and arranging to meet. When I questioned him he said he would never of went and it was just boosting his ego to think that other women fancy him apart from me. I asked him if he loved me (we have 3 children under 10) and he said I was the most beautiful women in the world and he would never have an affair. Our sex life is through the roof and we always like doing things together and I cannont understand why he feels the need to text flirt with other women. When I phoned this number on his phone she sounded very young and my husband thought she was older he doesn't seem to think he is doing any harm but I cannont trust him and are always questioning him and I feel really ugly and boring. It is tearing me apart!!

Do not blame yourself for his bad behavior. Whether it was a mistake on his part, or just a lapse in judgement, you need to remind him in no uncertain terms that you will not tolerate any stepping across boundary lines. Especially with a family members wife? Instead of blaming yourself, focus on keeping an eye on him. He has isssues that maybe you too need to talk about, because this is not good clean fun nor is it appropriate behavior.

Don't feel it has anything to do with you. This is his issue. I take it it is not just with his cousins wife. You said you had called another number and the person sounded very young. Does he know who he is calling? I lost you somewhere between wife's cousin, other women fancing him and the person sounding very young. At any rate it is not right. So many feel that flirting on line and text flirting is OK because it is not face to face. It is no different, it is disrespecting the person you are with. Please, do not feel ugly etc, this is not about you, it is about him.

You husband has a problem, not you, There is no excuse, not reason to be flirting and if they are leaving messages on the phone about meeting it is far past flirting now. It is in the planning stage if he has not already been in the real life and we are still doing it stage.

And I do assume the cousin has been informed of this also.

And you should not feel anything wrong with you, he should feel dirty and cheap and he needs to win you back and needs to prove and he should also be OK with being on a tight leash and being watched closely for a while also.

If he did not cheat already, he was going to, and it is not your fault, if he has you believing that he wong there also

Quote:

Originally Posted by blondie34

I caught my husband of 11 years text flirting with his cousins wife

Does the cousin know about this? I'm sorry but that's just sick and wrong beyond the cheating. Bringing this crap into the family so the entire family could potentially suffer. Your husband and the other woman obviously have no self control or self respect. Your husband sounds like he's in serious need of counceling. This behavior goes beyond even your own marriage.

Quote:

Originally Posted by blondie34

we talked and talked and he said it was a silly mistake and takes full responsibility (she also came clean and said it was all her idea) but at the weekend i could not resist checking my husbands phone as he always never leaves it unattained but he did then and there were messages from him telling this person he wanted them and arranging to meet. When i questioned him he said he would never of went and it was just boosting his ego to think that other women fancy him apart from me.

Honestly, I'm not a married man with 3 kids but isn't that enough? I would hope at that stage in my life I wouldn't care so much about what other women thought. Even if that's so that he does need an ego boost then why has he kept it a secret? And the fact that he want to meet suggests he has kept many secrets from you.

[QUOTE=blondie34] I asked him if he loved me (we have 3 children under 10) and he said i was the most beautiful women in the world and he would never have an affair. Our sex life is through the roof and we always like doing things together and i cannont understand why he feels the need to text flirt with other women. When i phoned this number on his phone she sounded very young and my husband thought she was older

That doesn't make sense. How would he thought she was older? He didn't just guess a number and start texting it? He knew how old she was, and he knew what he was doing.

Quote:

Originally Posted by blondie34

he does'nt seem to think he is doing any harm but i cannont trust him and are always questioning him and i feel really ugly and boring. It is tearing me apart!!!!!!!!!!

Your right you can't trust him. If he doesn't think he's doing any harm then either lying or or stupid. I'm going with lying. His behavior or anyone's behavior is never a reason for you to feel ugly, boring, or anything else negative. You can't help the fact your husband acts like a high schooler with a little less maturity.

But you can start taking the steps needed to moniter this behavior and find the right direction for you to go. I think he needs a professional therapist.

WOW! I can tell you from personal experience that if a man goes as far as text flirting, phone flirting or even flirting in person, he is planning on cheating or seeing how far he can go with it. If he says you are the most beautiful woman and he doesn't need anyone else then he wouldn't have done it in the first place. The whole ego thing is a bunch of crap. If I were you I would make sure that the cousins spouse is aware of everything. I think that sometimes men really think that us women are dumb and will believe everything they say, when in reality we are so smart and will always investigate where needed. Its called "womens intuition" and it's a very powerful thing!

I agree with all the comment's here, but also, I'm engadged and have talked to people online and text in inappropriate ways in the past. It nearly recked my relaionshp with my fiancé. It was'nt because I don't love him, more because I was lonely and bored. We fixed it, because we love each other. Maybe you can too. BUT you have to stop it b/4 it goes too far and he has sex with someone else or b/4 he does any face to face meetings. Talk to him, tell him what you think and that it isn't going to be toleranted. If he truly loves you then he will come clean, appolgize and turn around. Ppl make stupid mistakes, but forgiving someone you love and giving them a second chance is always good. Just rememeber to not be so trusting so quick. It takes time to heal. My fiancé was very upset with me, and I had to deal with him being untrusting and upset for month's, but it worked out for the better and it can for you. HOWEVER, if he is having sex and or continues to do these things, you shouldn't stay in the relationship, even just for the kids. My friend has a similar problem. Kid's can tell when their parent's are having issue's and that isn't healthy.

Very good point Raynefreak! But also remember one thing, when you say you forgive someone for something, you have to do just that, FORGIVE THEM. That means that the next fight you have or any other fight down the road you can't throw that back in their face. I think couples have the hardest time with this, if you forgive, you forgive, it can't ever be brought up again.

Quote:

Originally Posted by blondie34

I caught my husband of 11 years text flirting with his cousins wife we talked and talked and he said it was a silly mistake and takes full responsibility (she also came clean and said it was all her idea) but at the weekend i could not resist checking my husbands phone as he always never leaves it unattained but he did then and there were messages from him telling this person he wanted them and arranging to meet. When i questioned him he said he would never of went and it was just boosting his ego to think that other women fancy him apart from me. I asked him if he loved me (we have 3 children under 10) and he said i was the most beautiful women in the world and he would never have an affair. Our sex life is through the roof and we always like doing things together and i cannont understand why he feels the need to text flirt with other women. When i phoned this number on his phone she sounded very young and my husband thought she was older he does'nt seem to think he is doing any harm but i cannont trust him and are always questioning him and i feel really ugly and boring. It is tearing me apart!!!!!!!!!!

I can see why you feel the way you do. Flirting is flirting, period. Men seem to reach a point in their lives where they feel the need to "spread their seed" so to speak. It seems you have a healty, happy relationship/home. Maybe you should spice up your sex life, take control in the bedroom. Make him remember why you two were attracted to each other in the first place. I think men will always flirt, married or not. From the time that they could identify what their "thing" was down there, they have been programed to spread it everwhere lol. It almost seems natural for them. Don't CHECK HIS PHONE! Unless you have a concrete suspicion that he is acting on this flirting. Hope that this was helpful

Quote:

Originally Posted by blondie34

I caught my husband of 11 years text flirting with his cousins wife we talked and talked and he said it was a silly mistake and takes full responsibility (she also came clean and said it was all her idea) but at the weekend i could not resist checking my husbands phone as he always never leaves it unattained but he did then and there were messages from him telling this person he wanted them and arranging to meet. When i questioned him he said he would never of went and it was just boosting his ego to think that other women fancy him apart from me. I asked him if he loved me (we have 3 children under 10) and he said i was the most beautiful women in the world and he would never have an affair. Our sex life is through the roof and we always like doing things together and i cannont understand why he feels the need to text flirt with other women. When i phoned this number on his phone she sounded very young and my husband thought she was older he does'nt seem to think he is doing any harm but i cannont trust him and are always questioning him and i feel really ugly and boring. It is tearing me apart!!!!!!!!!!

Hi there a few weeks ago my mife placed an ad to sell a pair of high heels and got a call from a man about them he started talking dirty on the phone to her and she got great enjoyment from it it went on for ages but now I found out that she is txting some one else she swore she was'nt it seems as if she is now addicted to it and I have since found out that she has 2 sim cards for the phone its driving me nuts is she addicted or not it could be the same with your husband