So I know this is cliché at this point and probably asked by many many people, I figured it would be nice to ask with my details as each one I've read as something different than my situation.

I've been dating this girl for a about just over a year, we were really good friends before we started dating and we both slowly fell for each other and it went from there. We took our relationship slow and we wanted to keep it you know logical and perfect, open no lies, all that, which was great and we both deeply enjoyed our relationship and started telling each other we love each other, all the things that happen, and we dated for about 8 months until she had to leave for college (which is about an hour plane flight away) before she left we had a very strong relationship and we talked about how distance would work out and agreed that we do care for each other and would not want to be with anyone else, so its worth trying, and I have plans of living in the same area as her in the near future as well and until we live near each other we have been seeing each other at least once a month and every break. Recently there have been a lot of stresses in both our lives really, but more so hers with her college life, and last week while in tears she told me she is confused because she loves me very much and I treat her amazing and she can't think of any other relationship being any better, but she is scared of the future and is confused, and feels like she needs to move on and make friends and make mistakes alone, but is also afraid because she doesn't want to lose me, and is just confused with what she wants in her life right now, oh and also said its scary because we are at a distance and our relationship is strong and it basically means we are moving toward the path of marriage and although she can't see anythign better she is scared of it and commitment. I reassured her not to be afraid and take the time she needs to think with "no contact", although it was hard at first to do NC on both sides we decieded if we wanted to give our relationship a chance we would have to be serious about NC and we are going strong on that, she visits at the end of February and I told her we would talk then and deciede what is best. Its hard because I've talked to her for everyday for over a year, she's my best friend and its hard not telling her about my life or waking up to a "i love you message". I do care for her and want the best for her and know giving her space is the best, but should I consider this as a break up and try to forget about her, I know there is truth in her confusion I just don't understand why it would take so long of NC to realize if she loves me or not? Also I was gonan send her flowers and a small note for valentines day before the break, is it OK if I still do that to show I care for her?

I completely understand what you are talking about man. I've been dating my girlfriend for 4 and a half years and I am currently in the same situation. Sometimes it is better to strike first, now giving her space is always good. But, if you don't think you can do that... like I had trouble doing. Then don't go full NC, just give her more space than you have been giving her. Take a day or two without talking to her and then have a conversation. Still see her now and again, but keep it to once or twice a month. That's what I'm doing with my girlfriend at the moment.

Now, I know this is risky when you are with someone you love... but, sometimes it is better to make a preemptive strike. You need to take control of your life, you can't let her have all the power because she has the problem. Its not fair to you. You need to see her in person, and give her a chance to break up with you. Tell her you came to break up with her, and watch her reaction. This is risky, as I stated before... But, it really does help you figure out what her feelings for you really are.

Don't accept that its over yet. Most people would say to move on, if its meant to be then its meant to be. But, I believe that if you love someone... you should fight for them. Its not easy to move on.

Hi narfy

Im also in the same situation as you I was with my ex for 7years and a month ago she told me she was confused and doesn't no what she wants from life and she wants to experence life on her own for awhile and said I fink we should have a break!
I agreed and said if your not happy I will give you space, she was crying like I've never seen before she was such a cold person usually and I've never seen such emotion from her, she said this could be worst mistake of my life and I love you so much urve been so good to me etc etc but said I just need to try life on my own and maybe I won't b able to live without you!
That was a month ago and I went no contact straight away its been really hard but I've stuck to it,I'm the same as you though I think should I send something on valentines day! But truth is they want a break and space and by doing that we will just break the no contact and it may annoy them!
Ive had a lot of help on here and its true no contact is about healing yourself and getting over your ex! It will take time though like I say 1 month and I haven't spoken to her! Its like being hooked on drugs for 7years then the next day going cold turkey! But that's the best way to be, having some drugs here and there won't actually heal you! Same as speaking to your ex! Yourll never get that feeling out of your stomach each time you text her etc etc!
The best thing you can do for you her and the relationship is to take this as a break up and give her space to miss you and see what a nice bloke you are an just how happy she was with you! Then if she does think like that and comes back she will have gottern this out of her system! And you can both work towards the future!
However in the meantime use this time to find yourself again and do things as a single person so in case she doesn't come back you will be stronger and will find it easier to deal with,
1 month down the line and I'm seeing my relationship in different eyes and slowey thinking maybe she wasn't right for me! Don't get me wrong I still want her back but I want her to come back because she wants to and can see the future with me and only time will tell if that will happen but I'm not waiting around for it! As you will read many times if its meant to be its meant to be! The only thing you can do to make her come back is nothing! Good luck though mate and keep me posted on any news!

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should I consider this as a break up and try to forget about her, I know there is truth in her confusion I just don't understand why it would take so long of NC to realize if she loves me or not? Also I was gonan send her flowers and a small note for valentines day before the break, is it OK if I still do that to show I care for her?

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Of course this is a break up, and yes, since NC is the rule, and that means HEALING, not A TOOL TO GET HER BACK! The problem that most have is not letting go, and wanting to let them know you are still there.

Trust me, neither of you will forget the other. Ever! But you will get your life in order to do your own thing without her, and be happy. Since this was her idea, then she deals with it her way. Leave her alone until the agreed upon time, and I am willing to bet, though it's a hard adjustment for her, she will need more time. If she doesn't she will call and let you know, and then its up to you to decide to go along with her program, or continue with your own.

That's the goal of NC, to allow you to heal from the emotional trauma of a break up, and make decisions based on facts, and not just feelings. You have to do your part for yourself and rebuild with out them. If you can't find your thing to do without them, what does that tell you about YOU?

Learning to deal with your own feelings is what you learn from this experience, as there is nothing short of death of a close loved one as traumatic as a break up of a long term romance. NOTHING. So pay attention and learn your lesson, because this LIFE test will be given again. Reality is what it is, and you have to learn to deal with it, no matter what it throws at you.

Hi, I just wondered how everyone was doing now?

I've been reading through some of these posts to give myself some perspective (and to take my mind off the fact that my 5 yr relationship is now 'a break')

He was a little distant over the past few months/weeks and yesterday when I confronted him he said he isn't sure if he sees a future with us and doesn't know if he loves me the same way anymore. This is his longest relationship, so I thought that he might just be panicking that things change, but he wants some time apart to work out what he wants (and see if he misses me!) so I just had to agree and pretend to be all right with it. No contact.. etc..

This is one of the worst feelings, and I'm really grateful that people have posted their experiences on here. I can't see it being easy to follow the advice given when it goes against what you want - never realised there are so many hours in the day!

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Originally Posted by poolking2011

Hi narfy

Im also in the same situation as you I was with my ex for 7years and a month ago she told me she was confused and doesn't no what she wants from life and she wants to experence life on her own for awhile and said I fink we should have a break!
I agreed and said if your not happy I will give you space, she was crying like I've never seen before she was such a cold person usually and I've never seen such emotion from her, she said this could be worst mistake of my life and I love you so much urve been so good to me etc etc but said I just need to try life on my own and maybe I won't b able to live without you!
That was a month ago and I went no contact straight away its been really hard but I've stuck to it,I'm the same as you though I think should I send something on valentines day! But truth is they want a break and space and by doing that we will just break the no contact and it may annoy them!
Ive had a lot of help on here and its true no contact is about healing yourself and getting over your ex! It will take time though like I say 1 month and I haven't spoken to her! Its like being hooked on drugs for 7years then the next day going cold turkey! But that's the best way to be, having some drugs here and there won't actually heal you! Same as speaking to your ex! Yourll never get that feeling out of your stomach each time you txt her etc etc!
The best thing you can do for you her and the relationship is to take this as a break up and give her space to miss you and see what a nice bloke you are an just how happy she was with you! Then if she does think like that and comes back she will have gottern this out of her system! And you can both work towards the future!
However in the meantime use this time to find yourself again and do things as a single person so in case she doesn't come back you will be stronger and will find it easier to deal with,
1 month down the line and I'm seeing my relationship in different eyes and slowey thinking maybe she wasn't right for me! Don't get me wrong I still want her back but I want her to come back because she wants to and can see the future with me and only time will tell if that will happen but I'm not waiting around for it! As you will read many times if its meant to be its meant to be! The only thing you can do to make her come back is nothing! Good luck though mate and keep me posted on any news!

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