In the house while my child was upstairs in bed when she walk in on me, It could have been the child, which could have caused a terrible issue later in their life. I am sooo sorry and don't feel I deserve another chance to prove I can be a honest, true, good husband & father. How can she ever trust me again with anything after I promised her I would never do that sort of thing? I was in depression when this happened though our failing relatioship, which is no excuse as I should have told her or got help before it happened. She is very scenitive due to her past history of abuse as a child. We have started councilling. What else can I do?

It sounds as though you are doing all that you can. Many people view porn, and are comfortable with it, all while still being an honest, true, and good spouse, but many others do not view it and have no interest in it. Some are very uncomfortable with it, may feel it is wrong or just not something they would like their partner viewing. It depends on the person and the couple as to what their feelings are.

It appears that you and your wife are ones who would not normally view such material. Have you before? Is this something you would sometimes do on your own?

If it is out of character for you, and it is not something you feel you would have a desire to look at in the future, then you do what you can to assure your wife this was a one off situation. The counseling can certainly be helpful for both of you to gain an understanding as to why you might have been drawn to check it out, why she is upset by it, and how you both can handle the situation, work passed it, and rebuild the trust.

The other topic is to be sure to deal with the depression that you feel you have had or are experiencing.

By working at these things together as a couple, and supporting each other through this rough patch, that is how you build a stronger relationship.

If you feel you must look, at least reposition the monitor so your facing the door to the room. That way you see who's coming in and you can change the screen quickly before they come around to your side.

First be honest, do you want to look at it, and do you plan on doing it. If so be honest with your wife, and do it with her knowing.

Many couples look at it together

It sounds like there are other issues, with a "failing relationship" and perhaps everyone is using porn as a issue while there are other real and serious issues that need to be addressed

I just don't understand women. Porn is just a tool, its really no different than a girl having a sex toy in her room. Just because your watching porn doesn't mean you don't love or are attracted to your significant other. Porn is fun to watch, what of it?

The problem here isn't laying within you watching Porn. It's that you were stupid enough to say that you wouldn't watch it. If you thought that there was any possibility at all that you were going to, then you shouldn't have said anything. You need to sit down your wife and apologize for lying to her like you did. But, you can't tell her "I'll never do it again!" if you think you might one day. Its just going to make it harder if your caught again, and its not fair to her if your lying to just fix things.

I am just a normal everyday woman not a expert . So This has happen to me in my frist marriage and was very hurtful. 1 think because it make women not feel loved or good enough or sexy.. Just reassure her and tell you are sorry. It really a women thing.. Dana

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Originally Posted by danasears1974

I am just a normal everyday woman not a expert . So This has happen to me in my frist marriage and was very hurtful. 1 think because it make women not feel loved or good enough or sexy.. Just reassure her and tell you are sorry. It really a women thing.. Dana

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Experts are normal everyday people as well.

You are doing all you can, and should do, so my advice is lose the guilt. You are making her issues yours, so take this opportunity for her getting some help as a good thing to get to the real issues of this "failing relationship"!

LOL! (:->

I had the same thing happen to me. It is a awful feeling. You feel guilty and you feel like you have put unforgiving thoughts in her head. Things everyone has done something wheater they admit it or not that they would never tell or want some one to know. Men are visually stimulated and women are moved by words and actions. They find it difficult to understand why men like looking at other women. And all me do it porn or not. Porn my work in some relationship. But that's a slippery sloop were someone is bound to fall. Couples have to know their partners. And realize sexual fantasies come from observations that lead to desires that seek to be accomplished. If you love her, something has to give now, You are in a relationship which means you can't serve two masters. Either you will love one or dispies the other. Don't let anything come between you and your wife. Tell her why you have done it. If she loves you she will listen even though you can't make her understand. Follow the counselors advice. Share more time w/ her and don't let your past activity interfere w/ your present activities. Try each day in spending quality time getting to know each other better. And I am willing to bet you will see a new light you thought never existed or thought had flickered out. All you need is a little flicker to start a flame. Be courageous. Face your fear and keep her love. I truly believe a woman loves a man who admits his faults and treats her better day by day--like she the only woman in the world.