It's beginning to happen!
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !
An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her
Car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to
The dispatcher: 'They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake
Pedal and even the accelerator!' she cried. The dispatcher said, 'Stay calm.
An officer is on the way.' A few minutes later, the officer radios in
'Disregard.' He says. 'She got in the back-seat by mistake.'
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!
____________________________________
Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house
Together. One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot
In and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, 'Was I getting in or out of
The bath?' The 94-year-old yells back, 'I don't know. I'll come up and see.'
She starts up the stairs and pauses 'Was I going up the stairs or down? The
92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her
Sisters, she shakes her head and says, 'I sure hope I never get that
Forgetful, knock on wood... ' She then yells, 'I'll come up and help both of
You as soon as I see who's at the door.'
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!!
___________________________________
'I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!'
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine
March day. One remarked to the other, 'Windy, isn't it?' 'No,' the second
Man replied, 'it's Thursday.' And the third man chimed in, 'So am I. Let's
Have a beer.'
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!!
_______________________________
A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a
Nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her
Nightgown and say 'Supersex... ' She walked up to an elderly man in a
Wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, 'Supersex.' He sat silently
For a moment
Or two and finally answered, 'I'll take the soup.'
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!!
____________________________________
Now this one is just too Precious... LOL!
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over
The years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures Lately,
Their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play
Cards.
One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the
Other and said, 'Now don't get mad at me... I know
We've been friends for a long time, but I just can't
Think of your name! I've thought And thought, but I
Can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is.
Her friend glared at her for at least three minutes she
Just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, 'How
Soon do you need to know?'
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!!
_________________________________
SENIOR DRIVING
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car
Phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice
Urgently warning him, 'Herman, I just heard on the news
That there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77.
Please be careful!' 'Heck,' said Herman, 'It's not just one
Car. It's hundreds of them!'
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!!
_____________________________________
DRIVING
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both
Could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising
Along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just
Went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself 'I must
Be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light.'
After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection
And the light was red. Again, they went right through. The woman in the
Passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really
Concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red
And they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman
And said, 'Mildred, did you know that we just ran
Through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us
Both!'
Mildred turned to her and said, 'Oh, crap, am I driving?'
