Ask Me Help Desk - I tend to create drama I guess

Ok I love my boyfriend very much an Yes there's a lot of drama in our relationship. With his baby an babies mother. His debt. But I love him. See I can make things seem worse then they are like I make matters worse or ike ill turn a little fight in a big fight an it will be over something so stupid. I know I have jelousy issues to. Im jelous of my boyfriends kids mom in that when she went out with my boyfriend she didn't have to work he bought her everything. She got to marry him which I can't wait to do an then she had a baby with him which I want with him to . An now I have him an she's has left him with debt an is always wanting more money for the baby an then she gets pregnant by her new boyfriend an she can't even pay for the child she has now. An she wouldn't pay for the mutual divorce either we had to. I mean like come on al lwe asked for was half. But as long as the divorce is in progress I don't care that was my main concern for him to get divorced. She really left him high an dry an all we want to do is move on with our lifes an its like we can't we have to fix everything she has done. Meanwhile she's already engagged but she isn't divorced yet like I don't know. I mean I knit pick like at every problem in our relationship an I don't know I want to try to stop an feel relaxed not stressed all the time, an I work in retail that just adds even more stress to my like its like drama mafia there. I don't know an advise thanks

First of all... do you really want to be with some guy who is already dating someone and he isn't divorced yet? You kind of were talking out both sides of your mouth here. You were so quick to put the blame on her for getting pregnant and engaged and she isn't even divorced yet, but your pretty much doing the same thing. You want to marry him and have his baby, which tells me that your doing more with him than just pretending. The biggest and most important thing you need to do here is stay out of his and her business. Let the two of them work this out amongst themselves. When you think about it, you really don't have any say in it. You were not part of their marriage or the making of their child, so mind your business. I don't mean to sound cold here but you need to think about this with a little more maturity. How old are you anyway? I think you should just slow down a little bit and enjoy some things before jumping into a marriage with a guy who already has one marriage under his belt. If there is drama now, it only gets worse from here on out. Remember that arguments that don't get resolved will keep popping up again and again.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kanicky73

First of all... do you really wanna be with some guy who is already dating someone and he isnt divorced yet? You kind of were talking out both sides of your mouth here. You were so quick to put the blame on her for getting pregnant and engaged and she isnt even divorced yet, but your pretty much doing the same thing. You want to marry him and have his baby, which tells me that your doing more with him than just pretending. The biggest and most important thing you need to do here is stay out of his and her business. Let the two of them work this out amongst themselves. When you think about it, you really dont have any say in it. You were not part of their marriage or the making of their child, so mind your business. I dont mean to sound cold here but you need to think about this with a little more maturity. How old are you anyway? I think you should just slow down a little bit and enjoy some things before jumping into a marriage with a guy who already has one marriage under his belt. If there is drama now, it only gets worse from here on out. Remeber that arguments that dont get resolved will keep popping up again and again.

Ok I see your point But this is the thing I always stay out of it I I never go outside or stand at the window when she drops him off I never go with my boyfriend when he goes to drop the baby off an when she calls I never pick up I stay out of it. But when the baby comes over she tell the baby to tell me stuff like "Mommy said to beat your A** " " mommy said punch you in the face" an he raised his fist at me an I didn't yell at the boy I told my boyfriend to call her cause that's there son an he shouldn't be saying that I stay out of it believe me. I just ask what she says sometimes cause she comes to drop the baby off an I hear her out there yelling at my boyfriend I can hear her yelling from inside the house. An she took my boyfriend to court saying her calls an harassed her an he doesn't he calls to see ask when she going to drop the baby off cause he is suppose to be here at 5 an itwill be like 6 or seven so he calls there . Now she calls constantly an I think that's harassing I don't know . It's a mess
An I have been with my boyfriend a year an a half now when I met him they had already been sepreated for a year an she has lived with her boyfriend ever since they sepereted. So he dated someone before me so he was defeinly single in my mind the whole divorce process just hadn't start but thank god its almost all done with now. An I want to some day have a kid unfortuanly I got pregnant whe ni first met him an because of his whole situation I chose not to have it. I knew we couldn't afford one right now an it was very bad timeing an I wasn't married yet an a lot of things so I don't know I've been through a lot I Love this guy to death . I am 23 years old since you were wondering to thanks for your comments greatly apprecitated

Whoaaaaaaa. You need to put some brakes on this relationship. If he cannot step back, you need to. He is still legally married, right? He has not had any time to recover from that relationship and already he has hopped to another. Talk about not being able to sort life out before it gets any deeper.

If you love him, love yourself first. I would say to tell him that when he gets all the paperwork done and the signed on the dotted line, then you two can talk about a relationship. And please, do not get pregnant right now. That would be so not the right thing to do. That would suffocate your relationship, surely would complicate it all.

He needs to get some guidelines written down about his child - visitation, phone calls, etc. Things cannot go just willy-nilly, whenever the mood strikes. His wife - soon ex wife - needs to know the parameters. Maybe a Family Court Judge can explain that better to them both. And they both need to make sure that whatever they do, is for the child's best interest. The child's Mom should not be telling the child to punch you in the face or any such thing.

Keep a journal! Write the day down - who says what, who does what, phone calls, details of harassment, etc. Times and dates. Recordings if on a phone message.

But I would ask that you get some space and you give some space.

Quote:

Originally Posted by shygrneyzs

Whoaaaaaaa. You need to put some brakes on this relationship. If he cannot step back, you need to. He is still legally married, right? He has not had any time to recover from that relationship and already he has hopped to another. Talk about not being able to sort life out before it gets any deeper.

If you love him, love yourself first. I would say to tell him that when he gets all the paperwork done and the signed on the dotted line, then you two can talk about a relationship. And please, do not get pregnant right now. That would be so not the right thing to do. That would suffocate your relationship, surely would complicate it all.

He needs to get some guidelines written down about his child - visitation, phone calls, etc. Things cannot go just willy-nilly, whenever the mood strikes. His wife - soon ex wife - needs to know the parameters. Maybe a Family Court Judge can explain that better to them both. And they both need to make sure that whatever they do, is for the child's best interest. The child's Mom should not be telling the child to punch you in the face or any such thing.

Keep a journal! Write the day down - who says what, who does what, phone calls, details of harassment, etc. Times and dates. Recordings if on a phone message.

But I would ask that you get some space and you give some space.

I totally agree with you the divorce has already been filed we just have to wait twenty days an then we get the certificates in the mai; she already signed stuff . An we have taken her to court they seem to favor the mother. She's pysco the more my boyfriend tell her if you you keep breaking the court order the worse she gets so I don't know thanks for the advise though some of it I definitely agree to

I believe it sounds like the ex wife's problem. She shouldn't be telling their son to hit you or to kick your azz. What kind of adult behavior is that?
Maybe you should talk to your boyfriend about how you all can get along for the sake of the child. Maybe it would also benefit you to spend some quality time with both your BF and his son so that the 2 of you can become better friends (you and the kid).
Also, just act like the bigger person. Do you see how stupid the ex wife looks and sounds when she screaming in the front yard? You don't want to look or be like that. Take what she says and does with a grain of salt. Nothing would please her more than to get under your skin - so don't let it happen! You can do it! Good luck,
Kae