My husband in emotionally unavailable. How do I know if he truly loves me?
My husband and I have been married for 14 years, we have 2 wonderful children and during this entire relationship I have always felt as if he truly didn't love me. Sometimes I think that it just moved too fast for him and he wasn't able to stop it. Within a month of meeting we were moved in together and 7 months later we were pregnant with our first child. We have had a very rocky relationship, we have been split up several times (maybe 8 times) and almost got divorced within our first year of marriage. The only time he touches me is when he wants sex, doesn't talk to me about anything important (would rather tell his mom), and when I discuss my feelings- he shuts down. He won't even tell me how he feels if I ask him any questions about our marriage. I have tried counseling, he won't go. I have tried church- he doesn't believe in it. He talks bad about me to his mother (she thinks I'm a terrible wife and the worst mother she has ever met, we no longer have any kind of relationship, I'm embarrassed to think of what he has told her).I have had surgery recently and while in the hospital he only came up there once, during my recovery he never once asked if there was anything he could do for me or how I was feeling. I'm a tough lady, but that really hurt. I heard him talking on the phone to someone and the only part of the conversation I heard was ' no , I haven't even asked her, I have no idea. Why should I? She seems fine to me, and I don't want to.' when I told him I heard what he said, he said 'i'm sorry' and tried to leave it at that. I told him how hurt I was that he didn't even seem to care about my well being and that I deserved someone who truly cares for me, and is thankful that I'm his wife. I was totally appalled at his reaction. He had no emotional reaction. I have always given him the benefit of the doubt ( 4 different fathers growing up) thinking that he didn't know how to love, but he is a grown man. He's in his 30's and should know by now what love is supposed to mean. I have done everything I can to prove to him that I love him and that I will always be here for him, but I'm having second thoughts here. If he hasn't learned, or even tried to learn to love, why should I stick around and wait for that? He is so hard to read, he would rather talk to his mom about important matters regarding raising the kids than involve me. When I asked him why he calls her (or his friends) and talks about different things but doesn't talk to me about it, he says he'd rather talk on the phone than face to face. I asked him if I needed to call him from the other room, he laughed and said 'yeah.' I have tried to ask him if he's truly happy with me , or even proud to call me his wife, he says yes, but it doesn't seem like it to me and I don't want to be the one he blames for having a terrible life, or blame me for being miserable. What do you think? I've tried the date night thing, ended up with no conversation.
Comment on Wondergirl's post
Yes, I know what that is and he doesn't show any of those signs, he knows what he does wrong ( no eye contact-says he doesn't like it). He doesn't like routines (cant keep a job) and knows when I'm upset. He just doesn't seem to care.
Comment on Wondergirl's post
inability to recognize facial expressions, no rituals that he has to do, have very good motor skills, ---yet he does have Lack of empathy,Peculiarities in speech and language; and preoccupation with a subject