Sorry if a loser like myself is bothering you right now, but if you
Don't mind I would like some advice. Now, I don't hate myself. I just
Hate my life and the people that exist in it. I just feel like God
Just tries his best to screw up my life. All I do is try to make my
Loved ones happy, but in return they just spit me in the face (not
Literally.) I just can't take it anymore. My own mother always says
She is going to kick me out of the house when she is mad at me, she's
Saying all the time I don't treat her right. How do I not treat her
Right? She has a back problem so I give her massages all the time that
Last at least an hour, I do my chores plus extra, I'm always spending
A lot of money on her, doing her favors, and I always make sure I tell
Her I love her everyday, plus I never hit her.My mother can be the
Nicest person, but once I make a little screw up like spilling a drink
Or something, I am suddenly the worst person in the world.She also calls
Me a **** when she is mad at me and so does my step dad. Yet, they
Must not know what a **** is, because I never even had sex before, and
All I had was one boyfriend in my life so far and we never did have have
Sex, yet he did push me to have it so I broke up with him cause all he
Wanted was to get in my pants. I'm never had sex before, plus I'm too
Scared to have sex. If I ever do want to have sex I want to wait till I'm
Married. I'm a freaking virgin so how am I a kunt? I hate my younger
Brother also, he thinks and even says he is "Bad ***" all the time. Hes
Always violent towards me and he tries to get in fights in school. I
Will literally be minding my own business and he will just try to piss
Me off. Like I'll be on the computer in my room and he'll come in and
Say mean things to me when I am not even mad at him, then when I try to
Get him out of my room he'll either punch me in the face real hard or
Kick me in the in my private area. He also use to be an A student all
Through 1st grade to 8th grade. Yet, he is a freshman this year in high
School and now he gets 70s. I asked him about that and he said he gets
70s because he is "Bad ***." He is so nice to my little sister, but he
Treats me like dirt, when I am nothing but bending over backwards for
Him. I clean his room for him, give him money without him having to pay
Me back, try to make him feel good. All I get is verbal abuse and
Kicked in the crotch in return. My little sister is no saint either.
She is 13 now, yet she does the most childish things. She digs in the
Dirt makes nasty experiments in her room, and she wears enough makeup to
Make herself look like a whore. When my sister was only 6 years old my
Little brother and I caught her sucking on our cousins ****. I don't know
Where she learned it from, but she did. All she is is about sex. She is
Always touching me in inappropriate places. I'll be watching TV and
She'll put her hand on my leg and slowly move her hand toward my crotch.
Plus she even does it in public. Whenever she has her friends over she
Always does her best to make them hate me. Whenever her friends come
Over I'm treated like crap by every one of them. She tries to make
Everyone hate me. I'm tired of trying to be a good sister by trying
To spend time with her, when I know how she treats me. I also have an
Older brother, and he is the only decent person I actually like. He is
A very good brother. Yet, when he sees me being bullied he always joins
In, whenever my brother and sister say something mean to me like he
Always laughs, yet he's 23 so you would think he would be mature and tell
Them to be quiet. A long time ago when I was about 10 years old I had
These neighbors and they were two brothers who were about my older
Brothers age so that would make it about 15 years old, cause my brother
5 years older than me. Well, I was 10 years old and I was just riding my
Bike and then I heard these people screaming at me. It was the two
Neighbor boys and my brother, they were on bikes too and all three of
Them were trying to run me over on my bike, I was crying and everything,
My brother was 15 years old doing that to his little sister whose 10.
That's what I am trying to say he can be a good brother to me, but when I
Am treated like crap he'll join in, instead of standing up for me, like
I do him. Whenever he is treated like crap I help him but whatever. My
Dad was one of the most wonderful people in my life when I was a little
Girl. My mom gave me attention, but he did mostly. Yet,even though he
Good to me, he wasn't to my mom. He always abused her and he threatened
To kill her if she ever left. My dad screwed up her back and everything.
My dad was also abusive to my older brother, because my brother is not
Really his son, my older brother is my half brother really, because we
Have different biological dads. My dad always abused him, and molested
Him. My dad was good to me since I was his real daughter. After two more
Kids (little brother and sister) my mom did leave him. I hardly ever got
To see him again and started getting depressed. Then my mom met this guy
At work and they ended up together. I was sad he was practically taking
My dads position. My moms boyfriend ended up abusing me, yet I always
Fought back. We both always ended up injured in some way. Whenever my
Mom or my dad punishes me by hitting me I won't fight back, but her
Boyfriend is not my dad so I will not just let him hurt me without me
Fighting back. He doesn't even hit me anymore cause he knows Ill fight
Back. It was already bad enough I could only hardly see my dad, but he
Kept ending up in jail all the time for either drinking while driving,
Drugs, or rape. I knew my dad wasn't good person, but I still loved him
And still do. My dad tried to always hide from the cops also, so I never
Got to see him again, because he was up in Florida with his brother.
Just this year my dad died on Fathers day so go figure... (real funny
God). I also hate being a woman, I hate all the rude comments about
Females. Woman can be just as strong as men and they are just as smart.
Plus woman are still banned from playing in sports with the guys, which
I personally think is pathetic. Plus banned from things in marine and
Other military things. After all this prove that woman are just as good
People still are sexist towards woman. I almost don't know if I even
Want to get married anymore, I wish I wasn't so freaking attracted to
What I hate the most... men. I am really attracted to this kid at my
Church and he is 15 years old. He is the most beautiful person inside
And out, but I am 18 so I try to forget about him. It's so hard though
Because he intrigues me on how mature and gentlemen like he is at
Especially his age. He is a freshman like my brother, and I'm a junior,
So I see him all the time. I feel like God made him younger than me on
Purpose so he would be off limits for me, because I know this guy at my
Church likes me too. I mean you 3 years apart ain't bad, but in teenage
Terms it is. The only reason I don't kill myself is because I'm afraid Ill
Go to hell if I do. Plus I don't kill myself, because I still have hope
For a better future. I want to be a psychiatrist someday so I can help
People with depression, since I went through it all my life. I believe
In God, I just don't believe he is as great as everyone says he is. I
Hate being stepped on, and even worse alone. The fear of hell, and hope
Are the only main things that keep me alive.
