Honest opinions needed! I am a 40 yr old woman who is going through a divorce. There is this guy that belongs to a group I belong to and I see him once a week. He knows that I like him because about 10 months ago I asked him out. We went out a few times and it didn't go anywhere. I didn't see him through the summer and then when the group started back up in the fall I would again see him once a week. I would catch him looking at me, etc.

Well about 2 months ago we ended up hanging out and drinking and I ended up sleeping with him. Not to get into too many details but it wasn't just sex. It was incredible. The next morning he woke me up to tell me he made coffee, etc and I went downstairs and we talked for about 3 hours, then he took me to my car.He was in no rush to get rid of me.

When I saw him the following week, he didn't look at me, acknowledge me or anything. His friends were shocked at his behavior, they told me that they asked him what happened that week before, he told them nothing, that I fell asleep, etc. So, I thought, okay, at least he didn't go and brag about it.

The following day I sent him a message to tell him pretty much what I thought of him and that I didn't deserve to be treated that way. Well now when I see him, I avoid him at all costs, but I catch him looking at me all of the time. He has even actually walked by me and just starred into my eyes until he passed. His one good friend told me after our night together that the group of guys they hang around with all thought that once he and I hooked up that would be it.

So, I am thinking they must know that he liked me to make that comment, right? I just don't know if I have read into this all wrong and I am just a fool, but why the eye contact all of the time? His other friend is going through a divorce as well, and a few times since my night with this guy, have gone out and have had a few drinks and just talked about our mutual problems with our divorces, etc, and the one I am interested in has asked his friend what's going on with the two of us, etc. I just don't get it. What are your opinions on this? Am I just a fool thinking that I am seeing positive signs that this guy truly is interested?

Maybe he's confused too!

I think you ought to make contact and ask him what the issues (if any) is. I mean all you want to know is if he's interested in you and on what level; to date, just for fun, simply friends. It would be a shame for your encounter to mess up the dynamics of the group.

In essence, someone has to be the adult in this, and as you started by doing the 'chasing' so to speak, he's prob waiting on your next instruction... (infact, I think that's what it is with all the eye contact etc, he's waiting on your direction)

It can be difficult sometimes as we (women) can take the lead, but then expect men to pick up and resume their rightful position as the hunters after they have shown some interest... sadly it does not always work out that way and potentail relationships become stagnant as we then think well he's not really interested, meanwhile, he's happy to let us take the lead...

Yeah, I say go talk to him and set a few expectations straight.

I know you are right in what you are saying, but I am scared to death of rejection! I am afraid that he feels like he has made it obvious that he's not interested, and that I am just no letting go. I don't want to come across desperate or annoying.

I also feel as though I may have carried this a bit too far by the way I have been avoiding him. But I was really hurt by his behavior towards me and after being hurt by my husband, I felt I needed to stand up for myself.

Maybe it was more than sex for you, but not for him, and when you realized he wasn't going to follow up after a night of sex, you simply should have dropped the whole thing, and gone no further.

This has become a dead issue sorry to say, and the opinions of others in your circle mean NOTHING.

Let this die a natural death, and ignore the stares. Welcome to the new single life where sex is just sex. No more, no less, but attempts to build on it mostly crumble to dust. Just like back in the day.

Wow, that was brutal! But I guess the truth hurts! But, you never answered what's up with all of the starring then? Why not act as though I don't exist and just ignore me? Why send mixed signals?

He is not sending mixed signal, you are receiving them. Don't believe me? Ask him why is he staring at you.

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The following day I sent him a message to tell him pretty much what I thought of him and that I didn't deserve to be treated that way.

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What was his reaction? What did he say?

He said, "What did I do???!!!!!! " that's all that was said. I never responded back and haven't given him the time of day since.

Wow, what else could he do, if you didn't tell him why you lowered the boom on him? Why didn't you let him know what he did?

No wonder he just stares at you. He must be pretty confused, huh?

You're going to have to be more direct to get this cleared up. Be very, very careful that you are not seeking validation since you are in the process of a divorce.

If you are interested in him still, next time you see him, ask him out again. He may now be thinking you are not interested in him since you got onto him! If you don't think he treated you with respect, then ignore him and move on.

That was pretty much my first thought, too.

You're going through a divorce. Friends with benefits is okay as long as it's just friends and it benefits both parts. It's a great idea to join a support group during the divorce process, not so great to hook up with someone from the group.

Why don't you stay out of the whole "he said she said" drama and get done with your divorce, give yourself some time to be alone, THEN think about being with someone?
(Because people stare at other people all the time.)

Forget him now while it will be fairly easy.
He has shown his intentions and that kind of
Relationship is the last thing you need.

Spend some time being free from relationships,
You could find a whole new world opening up.

Comment on talaniman's post

I thought I did. I thought I was pretty clear, maybe I wasn't. I am beginning to think he may be confused and me dragging this out as long as I have was the wrong thing to do. I believe he has tried to make an effort and I haven't let him.

Comment on pandead's post

This isn't a support group. I have also been separated for 2 yrs and we are just now beginning with t he divorce, so I have had 2 yrs time of living on my own. This is also a man that I have know for about 5 yrs and he knew my husband as well.

A few of his friends also thought that he may be feeling awkward since he did know my husband even though they weren't great friends or anything. And yes I do agree people stare at people all the time.

However, I thnk it's a little different considering the situation. I mean with things that have transpired over the last few months I would just think you wouldn't want to give someone you aren't interested in the wrong impression.

This would have been more useful information if given in the original post. We deal with the info we are given and if it is lacking or inaccurate the answers will reflect it.

I absolutely agree. I should have been more specific, but I am new to this site and didn't know how much space I had for the question. Believe me I could have gone on and on. Now that u have more info, is your opinion on this any different?

You have been separated for 2 years, have you dated others at all in that time? Was this your first time having sex with anyone since your husband?

Yes, I have gone out with others in the past 2 yrs but I never slept with any of them except this guy. There was never any attraction with the others. The attraction with this guy is unlike anything I have experienced in along time. This guy knows what type of person I am. He knows that I am shy until I get to know someone, he knows I don't hop in bed with just anyone. He also knows in great detail how my husband has treated me and I might add he was shocked an appalled! I also had an issue with another couple in this group that my husband and I were friends with and I was very hurt by them as well. He was appalled by what they did as well. As a matter of fact, many people were and this couple ended up having to leave the group because of the way I was treated. That is why I really thought there was more with this guy because he knew my situation very well and I didn't think he would do anything to hurt me. I guess I should say I didn't think he would do anything to lead me on or give me the wrong impression, but I am beginning to think you may have been correct in your first response. I guess only time will tell, and if something is meant to be, it will work out.

Being a person of great emotions, I struggle daily with not letting my feelings, hopes, and dreams get me to carried away to act impulsively without a lot of thought, but sometimes I make mistakes in the way I see, or do things, and its easy to get down on yourself because you are disappointed when the outcomes, and results are not what we wanted them to be.

So I do understand how your situation may have you feeling, but it will pass, and just the act of living life, and doing your thing again, will make this just an event of the past, and you get to start over with a clean slate tomorrow, so don't let it get you down, because sometimes things are clearer later.