Well I married a small town celebrity and helped him get ahead in his career and I was a stay at home mom with 2 kids that weren't his. He was my best friend but didn't allow me to go do things with my girlfriends so I stayed home all the time which so did he but in his job he had a huge social life as he is a tattoo artist. Well there was infedelity on both sides and we choose to get back together. I was admitted in the hospital for the 1st suicide attempt while I was there that is when he had his 1st affair.. while I was in the hospital all alone.. after months we got back together. He told me he would do counseling and iwanted my life with him forever.. but I still wasn't ready to trust so I questioned things so he left again and I did the 2nd suicide attempt because he is all I have.. I have 2 kids.. so I know it sounds selfish of me. So *** don't judge me on that. But he left me with all the bills and than on top of it trashed my name all over my town. So here I sit everyday with pain and no ambition to even hardly get out of bed. He got the friends and everyone loves him and thinks he's the best thing there is. I don't know how to live anymore or how to even think. I think about my funeral and death all the time. I think that if I was just gone it would be easier than living in pain everyday.

Sorry to hear your story Adekeyser.

I empathise with how you feel, but please you have to try and be strong for your kids, and realise no-one esp not this man is worth driving you down the road of destruction...

Please get counselling, and get support from your family to help you through this tough time. Pray to God for his guidance; continued love and support too. But please donot allow someone else to make you feel ending it is the best route out.

Use this opp to start a fresh and re-build yourself esteem, deal with deep rooted issues that has led you to this point. It will take some time but when you get to loving self stage again, things will get so much more better.

God Bless xx

First of all you sound like you are suffering from depression so you need to find a therapist (some will work on a sliding scale so it is very inexpensive, some free) and maybe get some medication to help with your depression. Nothing would be accomplished in ending your life. I tried suicide years ago and I would not have the wonderful life I have now had I gone through with it.
About 10 years ago the husband of a friend committed suicide and his kids are all messed up. One is obese and the other is cutting herself because of the pain she has to deal with because of losing her father. Your kids will be the ones to lose if you decide your life isn't worth living.
Also, don't define yourself by some 'man' that has already proven to be unfaithful to you. There is someone else out there for you but you have to get through it and sort out all this stuff in your life to get your life back. I was at your spot once but I sure as heck wasn't going to let some man make me think less of myself as a person and treat me with disrespect.
People often develop strong character in times like this and are defined by how they handle them. Be strong and show your kids what it means to be a strong person who doesn't define herself by the man she's with but by her character. Definitely seek counseling because it will help!

You are suffering from depression, he was a jerk ( and you were too) and it is over,

But people are talking about him behind his back also, people like you described are always talked about behind their backs also ( if that makes you feel any better)

So start you life over, move if you want to or can, out of town, even out of state, find new friends, find new things to do. It is over a year, start dating again

Cheese and Rice these post-ers have no clue what depression is like apparently and expect you to pull yourself out of something obviously too deep for you alone. PLEASE call your dearest friend -- have them totally take care of you. You are sick right now. You are not going to get better all by yourself. You need someone to come pick you up, talk to you while you shower, dress -- and walk you to your appointment for depression medication -- I know. I have been where you are more than once. There is no way this woman can do this alone. She's beyond functioning and is now suicidal and you tell her to get sliding scale therapy. No offense but gee, no ****, captain f'n obvious!! Poor thing. If I lived close, I would happily help you. Find someone who will, PLEASE! Also, realize you are not fun to be around right now, so please do be nice to those that do show up to help...