I think somehting is wrong with me (very adult language)
I know the rules, so to start with, I am 26 years old.
I spoke with a doctor about it many many years ago, but I'm not seeing her anymore, though I plan to again next week, as this is really bugging me.
I can NOT get off in sex, without imagining myself being forced, raped or molested. When I'm with a guy, I ask him to pretend he is raping me, or tie me up and molest me. (all pretend of course) if he isn't comfratable with it I don't push it, and just have sex with him, but it does NOTHING for me. I just lay there waiting for him to finish.
My doctor said it was normal. I was molested when I was 5. raped when I was 11. And my daughters father raped me almost nightly the several years I lived with him. And I can accept that it is normal for me.
But I don't feel its normal for it to be the ONLY fantacy I have. NOTHING else turns me on. I have tried with myself too, using toys, trying to imagine myself with a man and being sensual about it, but I get nothing out of it until I imagine myself being attacked.
I have tried watching porn, but none of it works unless I go online and look up fantacy rape, or cartoon rape, or things of that nature.
I am turned on by imagining myself as a child being raped, or watching cartoon porn with young girls in it being attacked or taken advantage of (not VERY young children, teens)
And even more unsettling is it turns me on seeing porn where it is the father of the girl taking advantage of his daughter. But my father is NOT the one who molested or raped me when I was younger.
I know these last few types of porn are illigal and I do NOT go looking for them. I've seen them pop up a few times on spam popups and that's how I know it turned me on.
Sorry I know I'm rambling. Please can you tell me if this is still normal and OK. And what I can do to fix this, if there is anything.