It has nearly been two years, and I am still not over my ex. We were together six years and have a daughter together. As soon as he moved me and my kids out of the house we had picked out and moved into together thinking that this was going to be where we raised our children, he quickly moved his mother and other family members in. He has already moved on and been in other relationships. He actually was engaged 6 months after I had left, but I guess it didn't work out, anyway, I still love him and would do anything to be back. So how do I stop, and move on with my life?

First of all, he doesn't sound like anyone I would want to be with.

I suspect you don't love him as much as you love the memories of the best times you had with him and the space he filled in your life.

What do you do all day?

Do you still walk and drive around in the same places where you were with him?

We still live in the same city and work in the same place, on different days of course, but it is still hard hearing about him from other people's conversations. I miss my house and yes, all of the memories we had together. Is there something wrong with me? Why do I dwell in the past? I feel like I will never get over him and I will never be interested in dating anyone again. When we met, I already had 2 children, so I thought my life was going to be set and I wouldn't have to do this again. Everything was suppose to be perfect. Now I am a single mother with 3 kids and I have nothing, my perfect life is gone, and someone else will get to fill my shoes in my house.

1. If your life was so perfect, you would still be there. Find out what went wrong.

2. You already have a kid together, you don't need to hear about what he did/said at your workplace. Is there any way you can get a new job?

3. You mention your house a lot, maybe it's the life you had in the house in general that you are missing and not him? ("I miss my house and yes, all the memories we had together"... "someone else will get to fill my shoes in my house")

4. As for the "I have nothing" part, you have your kids,your own job and a new place, so everything you need to start a new life.


Now;
1. Why do you want your old life -where you had to live with his mother and his family- back?
2. Is being alone and starting all over again scarier than being without HIM?
3. Why do you want to be with someone who didn't care about your wishes when you had the house, who moved on so quickly and even got engaged to someone else... Why do you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you?

You should define what you want, or at least what you don't want in a relationship.

You waited for 2 whole years, now there is only one thing to do, take a deep breath and let go. Fill your life with other things, other people (friends) and social activities, you might surprise yourself.

Oh honey, you don't see it yet, but you have the opportunity to start fresh, with a clean slate.

You get to make all your own decisions, you don't have to compromise with anyone, you don't have to confer about something you want to do or anyplace you want to go! If you need a sounding board to bounce ideas off, talk to friends and family.

I would definitely look into any prospects of getting a different job or transferring within the company you are at to another location. It can be hard right now, work wise, but it would be a major step to moving you forward away from looking backward.

As pandead said, make a game plan. Take a deep breath and write down what your options are. Ask friends and family for their input. Sometimes people on the outside can give you a new perspective and ideas. If you have a "best" friend, enlist their help at keeping you moving forward. If you have a few friends that can do that for you, even better!

You will likely always love a part of your ex, but he was obviously not the best partner for you to be with.

Learn from that relationship when you find yourself on the doorsteps of a new one.

Sure, you will think about the past from time to time, and there will be some bittersweet memories, it is hard when what you thought things would be like weren't realized, but don't let that stop you from making new memories and dreams for you and your children.

I agree with what you both are saying. My friends and family have told me over and over that he was not the one for me. I for some reason just don't believe it in my heart. I am so very happy with my children and we do have an amazing life together, I just can't imagine myself in another relationship, and I think after 2 years, I should be able to. I am just wondering if there is something wrong with me? Will I ever feel any differently? Will I ever fall in live again? I just don't think anyone will be able to measure up to him and I will never be satisfied as far as intelligence, looks, and financial status. Although I do know that looks, money and social status are not everything, it would be nice to have someone who loved me too. I am just having such a hard time letting go of all the memories, they seem like yesterday to me, not 2 years ago, and everything in my life reminds me of him. Every place I go, every song I hear, anything I do has some connection to him in one way or another. We went everywhere and did everything together. I would have to move out of the county to not go to the same places. As far as work goes, it would be very difficult for me to change jobs, I have been there 13 years and have so much time vested. It has actually become easier, it's just not ideal for letting go...

Do you have friends, a support group? Other moms that you coffee-klatch with on play dates for your kids?

Do you ever get a sitter and get out on your own? I'm thinking of maybe spending two hours at week at the library, either as just a patron reading the newspapers and magazines or even as a library volunteer. Ask if they need fiction books shelved or stickers/labels put on new DVDs or interlibrary loan books searched for (to send out to other libraries). Or volunteer a couple of hours a week at an animal shelter where you will meet other volunteers and get lots of unconditional love from rescued animals. It will be a chance to get out of the house without the kids, to be just you, not someone's mommy.

You're not so sure that he was not the one for you and yet he left and you are divorced. You want someone who will love you too, but he obviously doesn't, so he is not the one. You don't know if you will find someone who will measure up to him, and yet he has let you down in some way.

Of course you will think about the good times, but you need to look at why you are no longer married.

I think fear is keeping you stuck where you are at. Fear of not finding someone. Fear of not having the life you expected/wanted. Fear of getting hurt again.

Divorce and the end of a dream is hard. People move on at different rates, but sometimes you just have to give yourself that nudge to the next level... take the risk, get out of your comfort zone of staying in the past.

As was said, get out on your own. Get involved in something just for you where you can meet other people. Maybe some training or education to further your career. Maybe a new hobby or volunteer opportunity as wondergirl suggested. Set small goals for yourself. Today I will venture somewhere I have never been before. Today I will make a list of the goals I have. What do you want to be doing next year... in the next 5 years? Where do you picture your life going and how will you get there?

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So how do I stop, and move on with my life?

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I think you are moving on, slowly but surely, and it's a work in progress that has a bit further to go. Maybe the social life could be dusted off a bit but we forget for some of us 2 years isn't quite enough to purge a 6 year relationship from our system completely. Hang in there and expand on some fun in your life. Good, clean, adult FUN!

Thank you for all of your answers, they are very helpful. It is nice to hear that maybe 2 years is not quite long enough and that I have made progress. I know that I have come a long way, because I was a wreck a year ago and I don not ever want to go back to that place in my life. It has been a slow process, and I still feel very young for my age, It is just getting out there and meeting people that is hard. I have such little free time, and work nights. So to get out there and have some fun, is just not realistic...

Yes building a social life is a large challenge for many of us. Usually it's the first and biggest sacrifice for many parents. But it's that challenge that benefits our kids the most, in teaching them how to be happy within themselves, and how to interact with others. It shows them, through the parents, how to laugh and be happy. Yes it's a big challenge. But a do able one. Just takes some creative thought is all.