Ask Me Help Desk - Girlfriend And I On Break, Be There For Her?

Girlfriend And I On Break, Be There For Her?

Me and my girlfriend are on break, her choice not mine, but we are also best friends in ever way and we both love each other more then anything, and I really mean that its not a silly high school relationship this is real, we've both felt it. I know I should go with the break and go check out other people w.e all that, but when she calls crying about something I want to be there for her and I still call her sweetie and all those things but I don't know I think I'm doing this wrong but it pains too much to not call her "sweetie" (reserved for each other regardless of other relationships) or not to comfort her when she's sad. I say I love you well not even that... its not only me she says it to, I won't usually say I first, she will... and when we see each other sometimes just maybe just out of habit, but w.e it is we've kissed and hugged... especially when either of us are feeling down... we've been on break for a little more then a month now but it still pains and I get jealous when she tells me that she cuddled or something with someone else, its really hard to be on full break... we've been getting better at though but I just need her to look at me the way she did before, which she does when we're out of school but her friends screw things up so much because they don't believe in talking to your ex- or being friend with an ex- or anything of the such on top of hating me... I just don't know what to do I feel down and.. I need to talk to her... cause not because she's my sweetie but because she really is my best friends and feelings like that I just don't feeling comfortable confiding to anyone else... and I believe she feels the same way its just so confusing... :confused: :( I just wish I could have her back finally... or at least know where be boundaries should be to be able to get her back

I think you should tell her what you really feel about her , like you said she might feel the same about you ,telling her what you really feel we'll help the situation I think

*hope that helps little bit

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Originally Posted by dreken105

Me and my girlfriend are on break, her choice not mine,

Then since she made that choice, let her live by it. If she wanted you in her life she should have kept it that way. But I can already tell you she sees you as a friend only which is why she took this “break.” Break was the easy way for her to let you down easy. She sees you as a friend, nothing more.

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Originally Posted by dreken105

but we are also best friends in ever way and we both love each other more then anything,

No you don't. You love her more than many things. She does not feel the same way about you.

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Originally Posted by dreken105

and i really mean that its not a silly high school relationship this is real,

It sounds every bit like a silly high school relationship. Let's at least get honest about it. Let's quit living in fantasy land and start facing the facts of what's really going on.

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Originally Posted by dreken105

we've both felt it.

You felt it. You can not speak for her. I normally couldn't speak for her but I will do so anyway. She sees you as a friend. That is why she dumped you. Because if she really truly loved you she wouldn't dump you. That is for real.

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Originally Posted by dreken105

i know i should go with the break and go check out other people w.e all that,

I'm not sure what w.e. stands for so I didn't quite get that. But I believe you should take a break for awhile and refocus yourself on you life. But yes you should go with the break.

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Originally Posted by dreken105

but when she calls crying about something i want to be there for her and i still call her sweetie and all those things but idk i think im doing this wrong

You are. Like I said she sees you as a friend. Your in the trap many guys fall into. Your in the friend zone. You're her doormat to drop all her problems on. She sees you as another one of the girls and treats you accordingly. She drops all her problems on you, gets a confidence boost then moves on. Women want men, not another woman because if you act like a woman then they treat you like one. When she calls crying she acts just like she would to her friends.

Quit contact now. Remember she initiated the break up. While if that's what she wanted then give it to her.

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Originally Posted by dreken105

but it pains too much to not call her "sweetie" (reserved for each other regardless of other relationships) or not to comfort her when she's sad.

Okay you sound like a woman with a silly high school crush there. “Sweetie only reserved for the other, regardless of other relationship?” Come on. First that's a lie. If she met or meets someone new who calls her sweetie then she's not going to tell him not to call her that. Secondly it totally sounds like something a woman would say. Remember she wants a man, not another woman. If you want to call her something that nobody else would call her, and I'm not sure why that's even important to be honest, then call her a nickname that matches her personality.

Also it's not your job to comfort her when she's sad. She asked for the break so give it too her. Let her problems belong to someone else now.

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Originally Posted by dreken105

i say i love you well not even that.... its not only me she says it to, i wont usually say i first, she will... and when we see each other sometimes just maybe just out of habit, but w.e it is we've kissed and hugged....

I really didn't get all that but the gist of it was, I think, that you still tell each other your I love you. Well she's lying. If she really did she'd be with you.

Here's what's really going on. Your emotional and you miss her. You've become a doormat for her to complain and whine too and she knows this and is stringing you along. Your going to be the back up plan. Your going to be number 2... or 3 or 4 when whatever she tries with someone else doesn't work out.

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Originally Posted by dreken105

especially when either of us are feeling down...

Ala proof.

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Originally Posted by dreken105

we've been on break for alittle more then a month now but it still pains and i get jealous when she tells me that she cuddled or something with someone else

Oh jeez. More proof. Not only that she's actually telling you. I've got to admit that takes something. I'm not even sure what. Courage or stupidity. Wow. Seriously that only confirms she sees you as a doormat backup plan. When things don't work out she'll contact you until someone else comes along.

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Originally Posted by dreken105

, its really hard to be on full break....

Your not on full break. Full break means getting her out of your life.

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Originally Posted by dreken105

we've been getting better at though but i just need her to look at me the way she did before,

Well that's not going to happen. She sees you as a friend….actually she sees you more as a doormat. She has no respect for you.

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Originally Posted by dreken105

which she does when we're out of school but her friends screw things up so much because they dont believe in talking to your ex- or being friend with an ex- or anything of the such on top of hating me...

In other words at school she puts on the act but when she needs to , whine, complain, moan, or groan she calls you first away from them.

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Originally Posted by dreken105

i just dont know wat to do i feel down and.. i need to talk to her....

Actually you need to quit talking to her. Like yesterday.

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Originally Posted by dreken105

cause not because she's my sweetie but because she really is my best friends and feelings like that i just dont feeling comfortable confiding to anyone else....

First, she's not your best friend. I question weather she's a friend at all to be honest. But sharing your feelings with her is what women do when they talk to each other. This is what I mean when I say she sees you as another woman. Your not acting like a man. You need to be worried about you and not give a damn about what she thinks.

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Originally Posted by dreken105

and i believe she feels the same way its just so confusing... :confused: :( i just wish i could have her back finally..... or atleast know where be boundaries should be to be able to get her back

She doesn't feel the same way. She might tell you she does but she's lying. The reality is I don't see you getting her back. She sees you as the doormat. The only way to get out of this is to quit contact with her. If she calls and starts her usual whining I'd flat out tell her that you don't have time for that anymore. I probably follow that up with your problems belong to you and not me, and you gave up the privilege of me trying to help you with them when you made the decision to break. NOT ONE of her girlfriends talk like that. They all sit around and whine together. Get yourself out of that pack and stand up for yourself like a man would do. She's probably going to come back at you with something stupid like, “well I thought we were friends and could share with each other” to which you should reply “I'm looking for different things than you can offer in both friendship and a relationship. I'm sorry I just can't be around someone who brings me down all the time.” Then I'd end that phone call. You talk about turning the tables. That would make her wonder what the hell just happened. That would make her wonder exactly who she's dealing with. That would even create a little mystery.

On top of that what's she going to do, complain to her friends that you stood up to her, put her in her place, and said that she whines too much. Please. She's got nothing.

That's a suggestion of what you could do. The truth is though I think you need to get rid of her. I think she sees you as a doormat and didn't value you when she had you.

Leave her alone and stop torturing yourself, not healthy. Get a life of your own and stop letting her put the screws to you, She does not care how you feel. Wise up and move on.

If you're on a break then you're on a break. I'd cut off all contact with her. If she confronts you as to why, remind her that you're on a break. If she protests and states that she still wants to be friends, tell her that it's all or nothing. Then one of two things will happen ; either you'll get back together or you move on with your life. Either way, she'll respect you for being man enough to take a stand and stick by it.

No do not stay in contact at all. Leave her alone. Move on. If she comes back, OK.

People Want What They Can't Have. ALWAYS!! Forever.

She has you.

I am quite sure she doesn't feel the same as you- you sound like a love sick puppy.

Stay out of the friend zone!!

Just to let you know I am kind of going through the same thing. My girlfriend said that she wanted a 2 week break tonight to see what happens and we will at least be friends she said. I Love Her so much and it is hard. I don't know if you believe in God or not but if you do just trust in him and that everything he does is for a reason even though we don't what it is. Just put all your faith in him.

Welllll... I'm back been reading all your responses and I've stuck to my way of doing things and I stuck with her... and I got her back and its a lot better after like two months... so whoever said I shouldn't stay with her is wrong and well thanks to anyone who supported me :p :D

So it didn't work out with the other guy she was hanging around?

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We've been on break for a little more then a month now but it still pains and I get jealous when she tells me that she cuddled or something with someone else,

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Originally Posted by chuff

So it didn't work out with the other guy she was hanging around?

Apparently not. And even though she is back(?) as a few others here have also made that claim, I'm waiting to see how long it lasts.

I will guive it maybe 6 more weeks and he will be back on here. Wish him all the best but he has not learn, love sick puppy will once again come through and some jerk off will come along and sweep his girl away... I don't believe she is in love and I thinkshe maybe just didn't work out with the other guy or maybe she just couldn't find anyone else at the time... Good luck and hope you guys kick on but unless you spark up and get alife your not guna make it champ... Do what you think is right though and then you can't blame anyone else. Give it your best.

I'm in the same boat as you. Why do women do this.