Hi guys,first of all excuse me for my bad english. So here's the problem I'm 25 years old and I'm married and have already two kids, I'm married for 4 years now and I can't really say that I have problems with my wife or anything I mean everything is almost fine except the thing that I recently met my first love again and we sit and talked about each other lives and we haged and touched each other's hands but nothing more.Now the scariest part is that we both felt something strong and it's been a week now since we met and we still think about each other and msging all day long.I should probably tell you guys that we used to go out in high school and it was wonderful and passioned romantic relationship till we broke up cause we wanted different things which now one of us accomplished, her of course cause like I said I'm married with two kids. So need your opinion what should I do? I know what you going to say about me.. but I think that no one should stay married with or without kids with someone that's not the ONE, I mean if I don't love my wife what should I do? Should I keep living my life and keep pretending that I love my wife knowing that my love is somewhere near.. *** help guys!

What have you done to try and work on your marriage?

Have you gone to counselling?

Talked to your wife about how your feeling?

Considered putting the energy into the life you made with your wife instead of flirting and texting another women?

You met this women after years, people change,do you really know the women she is now? She has achieved what she wanted, she made her choice,and you made yours.

To answer your question, no, I don't think you should stay in a dead marriage, HOWEVER, I do believe,think, hope that one should try their damnest to try before it is discarded, exhaust every possibility to make it work.

I certainly don't wish to tell you how you feel, however I would ask that you consider what your feeling is lust and remembered old feeling from your youth.

At the very least dos'ent your wife deserved a voice and a say in what's happening?

rhomio, how did you feel about your wife before you ran into your ex-girlfriend?

I think you need to stop all contact with your ex. She should not be a factor in anything that you decide to do. You should proceed as though she doesn't exist.

If you leave your marriage it should be because it is the best thing for you, your wife and children. It should not be for another relationship. It should be after you have explored counseling and attempted to make your marriage work.

What do you imagine your life would be like if you did divorce your wife? How realistic are you being?

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I'm married for 4 years now and I can't really say that I have problems with my wife or anything I mean everything is almost fine except the thing that I recently met my first love again

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You have succumbed to flights of fancy, and the promises of love, fueled by reuniting with an old flame from the past, now all of a sudden you don't love your wife, and want to leave the family you have made with your wife, for old stirred up intense, for the moment feelings. That's BULL CRAP!

Let me elaborate, you seem to be very happy until the ex shows up, and blows in your ear, and you become smitten all over again. No its not love, as it hasn't stood the test of time, and trial of adversity. Its just a feeling from the past. Now you carry on this emotional affair, through text no less, behind your wife's back, and are convinced that what you have built the last five years is worth throwing away for old feelings, that are intense.

All I say is instead of cheating, go home, and tell your wife, and kids that you have decided to dump them, and go back to the ex, because she is your true love, and that's what you want. At least that's the honorable, honest way to go.

Then tell the ex you are ready, free, and clear to continue on where you left off. See that's not so hard and will save you the dishonor of being a lowdown, lying cheater who broke up a happy home because you didn't have the guts to be straight up, and honest with those that love, and depend on you for safety, security, and comfort.

Or you can really do the honorable thing, and tell the ex you are happily married and ask her over to meet the wife and family and have dinner.

Or you can stop being a fool, and stop contact with someone that threatens the security, and happiness of the home you have built with your wife, and act like the responsible husband who protects his home from ANY outside threats to his family.

What's really the sad and pathetic part of your tale of tom foolery, is how you come to be reunited, and what makes you think this ex would go along with breaking up your family to rekindle a past thing that didn't survive the reality of life before? I mean what the freak has she been doing with her life that she is now available for YOU?

Please tell me because I honestly don't understand you buddy, and take a dim view of one who could be so easily distracted from his own family.

Guys thanks a lot,I really appreciate your answers. When I first met my wife I was like 20 and se was like 15 years old.I can't say that it was love at first sight, I think that I was simply sick and tired of trying to find a nice girl to spend my life with and only when we engaged I reallise that I wasn't ready, I though I was ready for marriage or kids and home, but I realised the opposite when it was too late.Now I know I'm just a bastard trying to run away from my responsibilities or at least that is what you all think but I don't think that I was ever happy in may marriege.And now I have 2 choices either stay home with kids and wife and keep pretending that everything is just fine, and keep fooling myself until I die, or end my marriege leave my kids in other words actually destroy my kids life but be happy for the first time in my life.

Damn it I remember seeing this situation on TV in movies and I was always like ( wth are they doing first marry each other then divorse leave their kids) and I was laughing and now this big decision is on me.Tell you the truth I wasn't ready for something like that, wasn't ready for kids I just wanted to have a stable relationship but I didn't realise how fast the time passed. When I met my first love the other night I don't know if that was just enthusiasm or something else, but one thing I know for sure is that I have still feelings for her, another thing to mention is that she's against that, she says that she wants to meet me for one more time and after that no more, cause like she says she doesn't want to be the cause to ruin my marriege although she feels the same about me as I do about her. The scary part is, if I'm having these feelings right now only 4 years married, what will happen after 10 years or so... will I'll be able to stay with my family forever? Or eventually I will get divorsed.

I admit it it's been a routine for.. I don't really know how long now and I don't think that there's love anymore bitwin us, I think it's only a habbit only a routine in our lives.And no I haven't spoke to my wife about this,I don't really know how to start I mean I haven't shown her that something is going wrong in our relationship so I don't know how she will take it.

I think I told you everything, if not *** ask. My mind is really messed up right now and my feelings too and I haven't got anyone to share all of this with so thanks again guys.

Most people go through many relationships in life, and they all looked, and felt good at first. So you are not happy now after a few kids. Probably the same thing will happen with this ex, when the passion, and lust has been replaced with the cold reality, and the work begins.

But you are hardly the first to think someone can make you happy. There are millions and millions of divorced people in the world, who are still looking for the same happiness that you are. I will bet your wife is a good woman, but you still are not happy. Wonder why that is? What is it that would make you happy that the ex has and the wife doesn't. Until you figure that out, don't get married ever again, because when love changes from lust to work, you better be ready to work, or else what's the point??

Just consider what it is your looking for, and tell us what it is, and why you don't have that now. You may know intense feelings, and wants and needs, but do you know how to be happy yourself??

Do not meet up with her again. Do not keep in touch with her.

You need to talk to your wife and be honest like you should have been five years ago.

I don't know what you expect a long term relationship to be like or how you expect love to feel over time and tempered with Life, but I can tell you that the only way it stays strong and lasts is if both parties work at it. I don't mean just saying the words. I mean showing through actions as well as words and believing in the feeling. If you don't believe deep down inside you that you love someone, it is very difficult to hold on to that feeling.

I am going to use the ages of 15 and 20 even though I think you may be rounding off ages with the 'like 15' and 'like 20'. Since you are now 25, I can surmise that you married at ages (approximately) 16 and 21 if you have been married four years. Is she 20 yet? No offense meant, but this is one reason I tell 15 year olds not to get involved with 20 year olds no matter how much they can't live without them.

You have dreams and have needs. What do you think your wife has? You want to leave the marriage and your wife. What about your children? How much of a father do you plan to be after you run (and yes, you are running if you don't attempt to get help such as marriage counseling)? Do you intend to leave a 20 year old with two very young children to raise without a support system? Do you intend to pay for medical insurance, child support, etc. for your children? Trust me, the amount will not be small and you will be paying it even if you meet Miss Perfect Love and have children with her.

Does your wife have a job that would support a household and daycare with little help from you? Does she have reliable transportation of her own?

You seem so full of what you want and don't have that you don't seem to understand that you aren't alone in having dreams side-lined. Talk to your wife and look at the reality through her eyes. She is maybe 20 with two children that she can't walk away from.

The thing is I like kids and maybe deep inside of me I want kids and I'm happy having a family and everything but something keep telling me that the person I have kids with is not the one.
You are right, after a while after some years the passion is gone and work starts.I think Ι did it all too fast, kids, home etc,and now I'm starting to realise all of this.
The truth is that this all began not from the moment that I saw my first love, but much earlier.I always remembered about my first love and always compared her with all of my girlfriends, don't really know why.And even with my wife, I have been wodering a lot what would it be like to wake up in the morning with my first love, or brushing our teeth together or watching a movie or any other detail, instead of my wife,I have though a lot of this.Another thing I know is that this girl understands me better of all girls, she knows the way I think, she understands the way I joke and she still cares.This kind of things my first love has and my wife doesn't or just stopped showing.I realise that you think that this could be only enthusiasm of a new girl a new passion, but I admit deep inside of me I've never stopped have feelings for her not for any of my other ex but only for her.

You asked me what I want in my live. Well I want to live my highscholl years all over again and this is possible only with her.She lives the life I want to live, and I'm living the life that she wasn't ready to live with me when we were in high school.She was right though 6 or 7 years ago when she was telling me that she didn't want to get married young and I was against that, so now I'm paying the price.

I feel like I'm doomed or something

CAT1864:

You're absolutely right, there is nothing for me left to be done for finding my happiness, it's over for me the only thing I can do is help my children not making the same mistakes as I did.I mean there is no solution to this, I can't just leave my wife alone with two kids.It will ruin her life.I don't want to go to counselling cause this will not help, I don't have feelings about her anymore so this will not help, it's just an endless routine.I was young and I made a mistake, I ruined mu life and hers too.
There's nothing more to say here people.. I think

I'm not happy either will be... so what.

How do you know counseling won't help if you don't try? You want to take the easy way out or just give up. Not a very mature way of handling a problem is it.

Love takes tending from the very first moment or it dies out. If you wait years before putting the effort into keeping it alive, it can be too late.

Stop living in the past. No wonder you don't have feelings for your wife, you haven't let go of the ex and put her in her place which is firmly in a box-out of site and out of mind. You have held on to a fantasy and tried to make everything measure up to it. Life doesn't work that way. We grow up and mature. Our dreams change with us. If they don't then we become stunted and twisted like a tree that grows in extremely stony ground.

Have you ever shared your dreams with your wife? Have you ever thought about letting her into your fantasy world and rebuilding it around her? Have you ever woken up and looked at your family and thought about how lucky you are that you have a wonderful family who cares about you? Have you ever looked into the mirror and thought, 'I like who I am?'

Your wife doesn't show you that she understands you. She probably feels the pressure of living up to a fantasy you won't let go. You may not have told her anything about your feelings, but you have probably been communicating them through other means.

Talk to your wife and find out if she feels the same way you do. Work together as parents and partners to figure out where to go from here. Make some effort to start looking forward instead of longing after the past. You might find that you aren't as unhappy as you think you are if you actually try to find the good things in your life.

I am really curious how your wife feels about you, and the guy you have become. I don't think she knows all you have said here and still put up with it. Make no mistake, you are probably more hurt that you ex flame has decided to leave you alone and you are sitting on the pity pot about what you think is a missed opportunity to rekindle the great love you want, and I can dig that.

What's really at the heart of all this is you don't know how to be happy, never have, and have let the regrets take the blame because you haven't figured yourself out yet. You have no happiness of your own to share, so everyone will be miserable as you are. How is that good for your kids, showing them misery, and teaching them regrets.

I have been through that routine that's boring and dull, but the way out is not by getting another female, that too leads to a rather dull routine when the excitement fades and the work begins.

The way out starts with YOU, because its you that's has become boring and predictable because face the facts, this is the house and home that you built, and YOU are the one to teach, and show your house the routine that makes YOU happy, and them too! Your young and full of energy, go get your kids, and leave the wife home two/three times a week for a few hours, bond with them, and take time to explore yourself with good clean adult male fun, like the rest of us guys who get hobbies, and things we putz with and dabble in. Things you look forward to and learn to love doing. Fishing, bowling, darts, or whatever.

That's what real men do, and save a few bucks and get sitters, or better grand parents that miss the grands and you and the wife relive high school together for a night any way, ON A REGULAR BASIS!!! These are the ways that real men keep their home, and everyone it it happy, healthy, and secure. This is the way that real men lead by example and take much pride in sharing that happiness with his woman, and his kids.

Lets not forget, she followed you in the hope you were a man who could support and love, and just because you have obstacles, glitches, and setbacks is no excuse to just quit, and walk away from your "mistakes" and say to hell with this. YOU CHOSE THIS, and to say you ain't happy, then be a man, and learn to make yourself happy, in a clean, healthy way.

I am sure you have friends with kids and if not, now is the time to get them, and enjoy some good clean adult fun with other adults, and you won't need babysitters. I would hate to see you blow a good thing, and a good family for the immature selfish reasons that you think justify you being a miserable boob and poisoning others with a bad attitude because you don't know a better way.

If your way ain't working, make some adjustments to it, and listen to the suggestions of an older fella that's been there, and done that already, and trust me, MY WAY WILL WORK, and you will be happy if you want to be.

I hope you give yourself a chance to grow, and learn to be a real man young guy, just never quit on yourself no matter what, because others are depending on you doing the right thing by them, and yourself. This ain't rocket science, just a little work, and a little work has never hurt any body.

Now go get your wife, and kids out for some sunshine, and fresh air, and make today the first day of the rest of your life. No "yeah butts".