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-   -   27 year old mother wondering about custody of 4 month old baby. (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=545505)

  • Jan 18, 2011, 08:09 PM
    sophiesmomma
    27 year old mother wondering about custody of 4 month old baby.
    I am not married to the father of my 4 month old. A little background on the situation:

    The father of my child and I lived together for approximately one month before he kicked me out and accused me of cheating on him while I was 4 months pregnant. He drank, heavily. I never did actually cheat on him and the suspicion arose when a male friend made a dirty joke on my Facebook Wall. After he kicked me out I moved in with my mother to help her with the bills. At the time I was working full time. During the pregnancy the father showed no real interest in the pregnancy, he didn't even show up to the ultrasound appointments that I invited him to! When he did show any interest it was more or less him threatening to take the baby from me after she was born. He was verbally abusive the majority of my pregnancy and kept bringing up my "wild history". He arrived almost 2 hours after I called him to tell him I was in labor and at the hospital. He stayed the 3 days I was there for and complained the entire time. Never changed one diaper. I told him on the third day that he was more than welcome to come over any time to come and visit. He then got mad after a few visits because she was either eating (being breastfed) or sleeping when he came over. In 8 weeks he saw his daughter 6 times. Now that she is 4 months old he all of a sudden wants to see her more. I gave him 3 evenings a week AND every other weekend. We have been doing these visits for a couple of weeks now at my home and he is learning. You have to keep in mind that this man has absolutely no clue about infants. He has never been around them. So the point of the frequent visits is to teach him. Unfortunately he still doesn't get it and I don't feel comfortable leaving her with him unsupervised. I have filed the necessary paperwork for custody and the parish police have been trying to serve him with the papers but he seems to be avoiding them. Today he has asked for more time with her since I am starting school, I told him no that I already had someone (my sister) scheduled to watch her while I am in class and that it would not interfere with his current visitation schedule. He flipped out and verbally abused me, I told him I was cancelling his visitation until we went to mediation, which is coming up, and he said that he was going to call the cops. He doesn't give me any money to take care of our daughter and only just recently wanted to get involved after his own sister yelled at him. He says that he is going to get custody of her but I have records of his verbal attacks via email, text message, and verbal. I believe he is mentally unstable and do not think he could handle caring for my daughter like she should be cared for. He is a trader and sits in front of a computer for 8+ hours a day and he wants to babysit while he is working. Absolutely not. He believes he can put her in a swing or on a play mat by his feet while he is at the computer! I refuse to let him neglect her like that! My daughter is happy and healthy, on a schedule, and has only been sick once in my care. She eats like a champ and could not be happier. When her dad comes over, she screams the majority of the time if he isn't feeding her or she isn't sleeping. I am not sure what I should do after his threats and abuse...

    So my actual question is, now that you have a good idea of who my child's dad is, will he be allowed to have her overnight visitation, and with me being in school and not working will that give him a better chance to be awarded custody of my daughter? Right now I have government assistance and am currently and actively looking for a job.
  • Jan 19, 2011, 02:53 AM
    GV70
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by sophiesmomma View Post
    I am not married to the father of my 4 month old.So my actual question is, now that you have a good idea of who my child's dad is, will he be allowed to have her overnight visitation, and with me being in school and not working will that give him a better chance to be awarded custody of my daughter? Right now I have government assistance and am currently and actively looking for a job.

    I think he may get shared legal custody but I do not think he will be able to get shared or sole physical custody.
    Generally the judges are very cautious when overnight visitations are awarded ,especially when a four month child is in question.
  • Jan 19, 2011, 04:57 AM
    ScottGem

    All we have is your side of the story. It is very hard to guess what a judge will do without hearing both sides. One of the things a judge takes into consideration is the fact that this person was apparently OK to have sex with and live with, but all of a sudden he's a monster when it comes to a child?

    It will be harder for him to get overnights with an infant. But as she gets older he may certainly get more and longer visits.
  • Jan 19, 2011, 06:28 AM
    sophiesmomma
    Comment on ScottGem's post
    He was a wonderful person until we were no longer together. He kicked me out then wanted to work things out. I didn't want to work things out because he kicked me out. He didn't turn into a monster until we lived together, then he started drinking.

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