First time I've done this though in the past have thought of doing but like some things in life we don't get round it. I've developed a friendship through regular communication from a guy I met online. We immediately exchanged personal email addresses and because it's that 2 week Xmas break we had the time to be relaxed and exchanged emails on a daily basis. We're both mature people. Normal day to day topics with a touch of focusing at each other in at times flirty harmless ways. I was in London he was in Switzerland at the time as travels a lot for work. He said he will be back in London right after NY to meet me. I've developed a certain closeness to him. He did too. We got on v well on emails which I told him not normally something I do at normal times because I favour face to face interaction.

He came to London but unfortunately I got the flu and was not able to meet up with him.
A week later he emailed suggested he can arrange Eurostar and a room for me Sat eve to meet him for lunch in Paris as he expects to be there for the wkend. I was so excited and elated as I've been so keen to meet this man as I have mentioned in the past when he mentioned meeting - that wld be nice because I would have liked to meet him first before I meet up any of the other guys on the dating site where we met who wants to meet me. I'm quite attractive and great profile and for those I have met - very rare would not want to see me again but I am not keen to see these guys again. I tend to be very fussy on who I meet.

I've suggested - since I've been meaning to go to back to Paris for few years now I'm happy to book and pay for myself and meet up with him. I'd like the freedom of perhaps go to shops or do my own thing in case sparks don't fly. And I'd like to be in control of the romantic dreams I have. I prefer getting to know someone first slowly as I was afraid in case I like him I may lose control of myself. He said it's crazy for me to pay as he has tonnes of train and hotel credits and he can get them for free. Of course I said yes. And being the easy going person I said I'll go along w/ whatever he arrange as I don't really mind the where and the what's. I'm just excited to meet him and the prospect of going to Paris and this new experience. We have not even spoken on the phone! But my instincts dictate he is almost exactly how I imagine to be.

The day before I depart came the booking confirmation of my accommodation. It's a suite with 2 bedrooms at a top luxury hotel!! WOW - bloody hell. Not that I don't nor can afford to have such luxury. I had in the past through past partners or paid them myself while being single or I've treated someone I was dating. All was laid out grand. Hotel chauffeur collected me from train station. He even booked me/us a massage for Sat pm before dinner as he expects we will be tired after a day of going round art galleries.

He already have expressed he knew I knew we're going to hit it off when we meet. And I can feel at the time he feels the same. He always checked my online profile out especially if I have not replied sooner or the same day.

I almost cannot contained myself out of my excitement. Smiles all through. The possibility of a romance of a lifetime? Or being realistic a possible one-off wkend romance or passion? I was hopeful it will be something so wonderful and long lasting...

As soon as my train crossed the French border I got a phone call from him! For the first time that very voice - exactly how I imagined the way he talks. Very British sounding but my weakness strong yet with tenderness... sweetness. The use of darling sounds OK when he say it but with other guys I tend to cringe esp if it says too soon before getting to know me. Understand some people are just so used to using this term of endearment w/o actually being dearly attached to the person the word is directed to - so no big deal. Can feel more excitement at the sound of his voice. My knees tremble. I was not keen at the fact he was to greet or meet me as soon as I arrive. Having been sick for whole week and not that done up first time he will see me. That first few seconds is very important - yet I am almost just under his spell. I do as how it is. Tried to keep my composure. Almost choked when he said he booked a table for dinner as I've just eaten on the train having travelled on business class and all offerings came to me! Still, I must swim along He may also be truly hungry and that would be v selfish of me not to. At that time I wondered and Why oh why I didn't ask about plans? He mentioned before he will send me plans but I thought he may be too busy he was not able to. Though let me know he was not able to book an Opera or ballet because culture in Paris does not start till Sunday! I had all the trust in him - the feeling that he's a highly organised guy so happy to flow along. Walking down this opulent stairways - our hands are inter-twined. Excited!

Not quite sure how it started but there's the kissing - intense/long passionate/ frequent during the night. Petting follows and can't even remember if it's at the same night or the day after when he went down on me. I would not want to I have few promises and rules I made for myself but once you're there.. Gosh it was heaven! My heads spin and say my promises can go to hell. When will I have this again? Not that I'm short of offers. Always have and so easy to get but I would not have it. I've been celibate and can be celibate for years - it has to be someone I have strong feelings for. I know it cannot be love but it's some special feeling. There it is right that minute. We kept it to oral and when it finished we stayed in our own bedrooms. Get on with viewing art galleries daytime. He's been taking me to all these really posh nice restaurants. Everything just seemed special. Kept on saying how soft my hands were. I can just smile.

That evening full on sex happened before dinner. My head says BIG NO. My body and soul big YES. Enjoy the moment. Take the consequences. Bed time we remained in our separate bedrooms. I guess we both believe in quality sleep. Although I would have preferred to share a bed with him I would not take the initiative in saying it. I'm quite old-fashioned when it comes to believing at first the man is in control and the woman is there to show interest and reciprocate...

I'm v much an early riser so woke up again first - this time I slipped myself quietly on his bed for a cuddle as he said the morning before I should have come and wake him up instead of waiting for him to wake up. Aware that it may end up to be more of a cuddle and it did.

Sorry this is going too long. Day ended we left the hotel same time. He put me in a cab and slip cash in my bag for the Euro10 ride. I said it's fine I'll pay for my cab. The time I reached the station I pulled out the money he slipped and to my surprise and bewilderment its Euro100. I accepted how overly generous he's been to me. All the expensive lunches and dinners, the costs of the massage which to me is almost the costs of the whole trip if I had booked and paid for myself!! He's not showy though and I have not ask those questions in the past nor he has said he is rich. I don't think he is. I'm quite used to guys - some are generous not necessarily rich and some v rich ones not generous. I have a guy been asking me out. He's worth hundred million Euros but I know he's not generous. Which is fine as this is not a basis for friendships or courtships. Or is it? You can tell when some people come out with their selfishness. I see myself as a person who can be a girl, a lady and a woman. Given the right situation.

Saying goodbye in front of the hotel - all the staff around you feels a bit uncomfortable. Though like scenes in the movies - these are something I am imagining to have and experience. We kissed or I planted a kiss on his lip to say goodbye and thank you. That very word - I'll call you I did not hear he said though. Sugar!! Am I expecting too much? Some guys may say it - and they won't do it! So no big deal.
But the sadness that engulfed me as soon as I sat on my taxi. I felt LOST! EMPTY!
Got to get myself together at least after I sat on my train back to London. And I did. As soon as the train pull I can feel tears about to drop but tried to keep my cool an I did. Head's so heavy. Suddenly - this is it. The price one's pay for going for such experience of a lifetime...

I sent him a text as soon as I'm sat on the train. Did not get a reply but aware too he was having problem with his mobile - low bat which I forgot. Checked my email as soon as I got home - hoping he dropped me a line. Hoping he will call or send me a text before I put my head to rest that evening... nothing.

Miserable the next morning. LOST. EMPTY. I hate this. I have to get myself back together pronto. Not easy but I can and I will. Mid morning I got a text from him saying he's been in meetings and that his mobile died on him and just saw my texts. He said he had a really FUN wkend. I have hidden my profile off the dating site. Hoping that he will though realistic too that he does not have too - at least just yet. Since we returned he's been logging in on the site daily. It was not the case before. Before he met me all week he has not logged in on the site! I know this sounds sooo crazy - women! But I know and aware I just have to keep my head together. Carry on with my normal life, sit back, relax and see what my day to day life brings. Lots of men waiting for my time to meet up with them. I'm not interested. I'm not in the right frame of mind. We know when we cannot. Some of these guys I have met in the past. One 8 yrs ago. Met up w/ him twice and kept my number that long! One I have not met yet - almost 20 yrs my junior is almost stalking me. Anyway - not sure why I'm mentioning all these.

I think for someone who's now going to read this - if anyone has the patient to read or tell me to sod off and get real!

I'm not sure what to do. I thought of sending a brief email just a proper Thank You and close this chapter of my life. If it re-opens shall see but one cannot live in mere hope and can't function properly. When I'm like this my problem is my head gets screwed up - I have lots to do. Tax to file, things to organise. Head is just not together - so I get frustrated in having lost control of my life. Aware that we have to from time to time and learn and enjoy from it. Just so damn difficult when going through it...

I trust my judgement of people. So far from the number of men I have met. And this man is the same. A man of integrity, of generosity, someone who knows how to look after someone. Wife left him after meeting a man she met on holiday - so somehow I thought he may be bit cautious but I don't think he is. We almost see each other as two people who have a lot in common - principles and beliefs in life.

I have this feeling I may not see him anymore. He is travelling for the next 3-4 weeks at least, I may have jumped at the wrong time or that may just be a consolation to myself. Perhaps this is destiny.. I don't know...

Am I looking for answers? May be I'm just looking for feedback. Some that I may add to see clearer. Feel better may be sooner rather than later... Of course there are some stuff I ma have ommit on telling this that the full picture may not have conveyed but I think this is also more than just the plot of the story...

I've been single now for almost 5 years. Out of these 5 years I dated 2 guys both for 2 months. Long lasting love... so so not easy to find..

XX

I do believe that he is graciously and gallantly letting you know that you are not the woman he is looking for, but that you are a wonderful, beautiful person who doesn't deserve to be treated badly when being let go. Ask yourself which would have been better, hearing him say that after you had a luxurious and romantic time together, or reading between the lines as he seems to be expecting. He sounds like the kind of man who doesn't want lengthly explanations and recriminations and is willing to make up for that with lots of expensive treats and compliments. That's not so bad, is it?

Treasure the trip and getting to know him. You didn't have to meet in Paris at an expensive hotel and throw all caution to the winds, but you did, so accept the fact that such a meeting and so much intimacy might mean more to you than to him. He treated you very, very nicely so wipe out all hurt and move on.

O my goodness how long your story was. I think you both just shared a romantic weekend together and maybe that is all it was meant to be. He seems distant and not ready for a serious relationship. If you are ready to move on you should if not you need to talk to him and not just wait the days away. You really just need to focus on what you want in life and a relationship. Do not just think about that great weekend.

Hi
That was a huge story, yet amazing. Do you still keep in contact? I personaly think you to are to great together to just let all of the emotions slip and disappear. You should try to arrange another get-together if possible. If you truly think you love this man you need to follow threw with your heart.
Hope you get threw all of this and do want you think is right. Bye!

Sounds like a great fling with a guy that you clicked very well with. You enjoyed it, and the glow will be with you a long time, and that's how great memories are made.

Is here more to this story? Only time can tell.