I have something that is driving me nuts. My girlfrend will call me 5 6 times a day sometimes then turn around and not call for days.then call once a day everyday for weeks then she stops.she runs hot and cold... is she playing hard to get... want me to chase her... just when things are going well that's when she stops... then she hides and won't talk for weeks. How can I tell what's going on. She says she loves me but she has a lot going on right now and can't handle us at times.I feel I should hang in there but it gets tough during the slow times... help!

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Originally Posted by safeguard

I have something that is driving me nuts. my girlfrend will call me 5 6 times a day sometimes then turn around and not call for days.then call once a day everyday for weeks then she stops.she runs hot and cold....is she playing hard to get....want me to chase her....just when things are going well thats when she stops...then she hides and wont talk for weeks. How can I tell whats going on. she says she loves me but she has a lot going on right now and can't handle us at times.I feel I should hang in there but it gets tough during the slow times......help!

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Hi safeguard, I think that the reason that your girlfriend does that is that she wants you to
Chase her and as soon as you do she backs off because she has got what she wants.

Then the times that she calls you every day is that you have stopped chasing and she wants to get your attention again. I say ask her what she expects from you. Either she gives you a straight answer and you 2 can move on, or you need to fine someone else.

SHE JUST NEEDS TO BE HONEST WITH YOU. IS IT A GAME TO HER IS SHE JUST PLAYING YOU OR DOES SHE WANT YOU TO ADMIT YOUR UNDYING LOVE? GOOD LUCK!:D

This is rather unusual behaviour. Sounds like she might be suffering from mood swings, or might just have an intimacy or commitment problem.

Just keep in mind, if this is how she is 'acting' now - just imagine how much more confusing and painful it might get if you decide to stick around.

Might be worth finding out if she is on some kind of medication.

Turn things around and put the ball in your court. Don't answer every time she calls. Don't return her calls right away. When you do talk to her, keep things short and sweet. See her when it's convenient for you. If anytime is convenient for you then you're not doing enough to fill your time and keep yourself busy. Fill your schedule with activities that you enjoy and that don't involve her. Don't make her the central focus of your life.

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Originally Posted by safeguard

I have something that is driving me nuts. my girlfrend will call me 5 6 times a day sometimes then turn around and not call for days.then call once a day everyday for weeks then she stops.she runs hot and cold....is she playing hard to get....want me to chase her....just when things are going well thats when she stops...then she hides and wont talk for weeks. How can I tell whats going on. she says she loves me but she has a lot going on right now and can't handle us at times.I feel I should hang in there but it gets tough during the slow times......help!

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I wouldn't say she was playing hard to get but she wants to see if you are willing to call her back... she wants to ensure that you love her with the same passion and because you know her every more, I would say that you do. Let he do her thing for a while, but if you don't pay her attention sooner or later she will give up and leave... she seeks attention, ask her simple questions like "how is ur day goin" or "anything new in life"... its not the question you ask its thatyou have the time to ask it, that's all she wants

Or she may just think your cheating on her

I'm wondering if its not more emotional or a lack of stability in her life. Like people she's cared about leaving her or people not caring about her like you appear to. Her calling so much is her way of reassuring herself that you're her one constant in her life. And I'll guess she's not used to it when you are there. The fact you ae there answering her calls scares her because she's not used to it. Something couldve happened in her life that makes her doubt peoples constantcy. A friend couldve dumped her or a valued family member couldve left her or died. The calling could be like a kid needing reassurance you're there when she needs you.
You on the other hand are a peach. You care enough about her to want help for her and yourself. That type of caring is wonderful. But before you reach your breaking point, you need to take a step back and see if this relationshiip is worth the emotional commitment it'll take for her to feel secure as well as yourself.
I'd sit down with her in a nonthreatening manner and talk to her. Tell her how you feel about her and that you want nothing but the best for the both of you. Maybe she feels things are moving to fact and she's overwhelmed. Be straight with her that the way she dfcalls you bothers you because you aren't sure of what she wants from you. She may not realize what's she's doing or that it bothers you.
If you aren't up to the challenge, n o one will call you a weinie. But honesty is the best policy.
If in your heart of hearts you can't handle the emotional energy needed, then be straight with her. No one would call you a weinie for it. The fact you've gone this far says a lot about the man you are.
Butnif you are up to it, I'd recommend counseling. Even if she doesn't go it wouldn't hurt for you to go.
If I haven't said this before, she's lucky to have you.

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Originally Posted by s_cianci

Turn things around and put the ball in your court. Don't answer every time she calls. Don't return her calls right away. When you do talk to her, keep things short and sweet. See her when it's convenient for you. If anytime is convenient for you then you're not doing enough to fill your time and keep yourself busy. Fill your schedule with activities that you enjoy and that don't involve her. Don't make her the central focus of your life.

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Well I was going to rep the above but I had to spread it.

I agree with every word and I'm not even going to ad to it, because it's spot on.

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Originally Posted by safeguard

I have something that is driving me nuts. my girlfrend will call me 5 6 times a day sometimes then turn around and not call for days.then call once a day everyday for weeks then she stops.she runs hot and cold....is she playing hard to get....want me to chase her....just when things are going well thats when she stops...then she hides and wont talk for weeks. How can I tell whats going on. she says she loves me but she has a lot going on right now and can't handle us at times.I feel I should hang in there but it gets tough during the slow times......help!

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I think that you both need to give each other space at times but I agree especially with S-Cianci's response and the advice given there in post#4. Be busy yourself and return the same behavior. It is no game but it is important not too be too available and to come across as needy. There is balance needed everywhere in life, including relationships. It is important also to take things slowly otherwise things get out of control and things can then fall apart.

I believe when a partner has concerns, whatever it is, needs to be talked through and a plan they both can live with needs to be worked out. Guessing and speculation leads to a lot of insecurities and mixed signals that causes confusion and hurt feelings. An honest dialog needs to take place, as the basis for good relationships is communicating with each other, and If you don't know how, then that would be a skill to learn. You can avoid a lot of problems by talking, and working together to solve your problems.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

An honest dialog needs to take place, as the basis for good relationships is communicating with each other, and If you don't know how, then that would be a skill to learn. You can avoid a lot of problems by talking, and working together to solve your problems.

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This is great advice here... I agree that communication is key and without it in a relationship, problems begin to appear fast. You can solve many problems by communication and really listening to each other.

Sorry for the miss spelling and chaotic why Im wriing. My cat hates the idea Im not giving him as much attention and walks across my keyboard.-----------------------chippers::eek: