Ask Me Help Desk - I want to move from Oh to VA with my 3yr old son. The father and I never married.

I have a great job opportunity in Va. The father was paying about 60 dollars a month in child support.He is very far behind though. But lost the part time job. He is 37 still living at home. He has never moved out and doesn't plan on it. He can't even keep his phone on. He's never even taken my son to get his hair cut. I have a lot of family and friends that are willing to help me better my life in Va. I live in a rough city in Ohio. And I want my son to live in a safe area. One that doesn't have gunshots outside my window. We haven't went to court for custody. So, my question is, can I just leave? And also, Can he make me stay in Ohio?

If there is no court order to contend with, you can move wherever you like (though I am curious where the amount of money came from for him to pay). The father has rights and can go to court after you move to enforce them if he wants to, but if VA is going to make a significant difference in your lives, then go for it.

Have you talked to the father and explained your fears and desire to better the child's life? If he is against it, maybe you could make a deal with him... decrease what he pays or something alike for his agreement that you can move to VA (get it in writing).

Quote:

Originally Posted by needtoknow82

I have a great job opportunity in Va. The father was paying about 60 dollars a month in child support.He is very far behind tho. But lost the part time job. He is 37 still living at home. He has never moved out and doesnt plan on it. He can't even keep his phone on. He's never even taken my son to get his hair cut. I have alot of family and friends that are willing to help me better my life in Va. I live in a rough city in Ohio. And I want my son to live in a safe area. One that doesn't have gunshots outside my window. We haven't went to court for custody. So, my question is, can I just leave? And also, Can he make me stay in Ohio?

Sure you can just leave. And sure he can file in Ohio and force the return of the child. SO then your choice is stay away or move with the child. If those options don't sound very good then go to court now. Get something going through the courts and seek full custody and permission to move PROVING it is in the best interest of the child. Its not about YOU.

As noted, and I agree, you can more and if the father does nothing, no problem, But if you move the father can go file to force the child to be returned to the court . He merely has to request a DNA test to file for his rights to be honored.

I'll also agree. This is the mistake you made by NOT getting custody established when you went for support.

So do it right now.

JudyKayTee : "Got to agree - this is illegal "let's make a deal." Very bad advice."

Califdadof3 : "What is being suggested here is in no way legal. Also the word for it is blackmail. You can't set your own child support payments once the courts have ordered it !"

Gee, I love the way you didn't even read what I said... I said, when there is NOT a court order... prior to any court intervention... and please explain exactly how it is illegal, what laws are being broken when the court has not intervened? This is essentially 2 people who have had a child, the separate (either with or without a marriage--but no divorce). It happens all the time, parties agree to prejudicial terms of support and visitation.

Quote:

Originally Posted by adthern

JudyKayTee : "Got to agree - this is illegal "let's make a deal." Very bad advice."

califdadof3 : "What is being suggested here is in no way legal. Also the word for it is blackmail. You can't set your own child support payments once the courts have ordered it !"

Gee, I love the way you didn't even read what I said....I said, when there is NOT a court order...prior to any court intervention....and please explain exactly how it is illegal, what laws are being broken when the court has not intervened? This is essentially 2 people who have had a child, the seperate (either with or without a marriage--but no divorce). It happens all the time, parties agree to prejudicial terms of support and visitation.

We don't know the exact agreements and we don't know the entire story. When left with gaping holes of facts then we must proceed with caution when giving advice. If the mother moves as you have suggested and decides not to tell the father based on your advice and assumption of it being her "right" then it can move to kidnapping. Its obvious that there is a communication problem that is ongoing. Also agreeing to amounts and later going to court on it isn't a good idea also as it can lead to arrears. So if guidelines aren't met in the first place the courts can take action. That is why the only real and legal way to proceed in this situation is to ask the courts permission first and get things settled before going off half cocked and getting into unknown legal troubles.

I agree we do not know the agreements or court involvement, which is why I stated upfront "If there is no court order to contend with."

Again, you didn't read my post. I never said it was her right, what I said was the father does have rights. If her and the father agree that she can move to another state, there is no basis for any charges.

Moving to kidnapping, are you serious? This is the mother, not a stranger, not a non-custodial parent. At most, the father could get an order in the new state to hab the child into court. Thus, My point about making a deal with the father. Do you seriously believe that every unmarried parent of a child goes to court to have child support and visitation set? No, they do not, nor are they required to do so (in any jurisdiction). Parents have rights, one of those is custody of their children and those children can move freely with parents interstate.

Prior agreements are often made in divorce and unmarried custody cases. The court is not bound by them by any means, but they often do support the agreements (unless they are blatently unfair or fail to meet some statutory or regulatory requirement. Yes, sometimes the amount is found to be lower than required and the noncustodial parent is required to pay more, but that would happen if there was an agreement or not, the amount that would be owed would simply be higher your way.

Listen, I agree that there are different ways to handle this, but when I am slammed like that for a reasonable opinion, that is kind of unreasonable. Law often has more than one point of view, that doesn't mean only yours is correct.

Quote:

Originally Posted by adthern

I agree we do not know the agreements or court involvement, which is why I stated upfront "If there is no court order to contend with."

Again, you didn't read my post. I never said it was her right, what I said was the father does have rights. If her and the father agree that she can move to another state, there is no basis for any charges.

Moving to kidnapping, are you serious? This is the mother, not a stranger, not a non-custodial parent. At most, the father could get an order in the new state to hab the child into court. Thus, My point about making a deal with the father. Do you seriously believe that every unmarried parent of a child goes to court to have child support and visitation set? No, they do not, nor are they required to do so (in any jurisdiction). Parents have rights, one of those is custody of their children and those children can move freely with parents interstate.

Prior agreements are often made in divorce and unmarried custody cases. The court is not bound by them by any means, but they often do support the agreements (unless they are blatently unfair or fail to meet some statutory or regulatory requirement. Yes, sometimes the amount is found to be lower than required and the noncustodial parent is required to pay more, but that would happen if there was an agreement or not, the amount that would be owed would simply be higher your way.

Listen, I agree that there are different ways to handle this, but when I am slammed like that for a reasonable opinion, that is kind of unreasonable. Law often has more than one point of view, that doesn't mean only yours is correct.

Parental Kidnapping can be done by either parent.

Parental kidnapping defined
The term “parental kidnapping” encompasses the taking, retention or concealment of a child by a
Parent, other family member, or their agent, in derogation of the custody rights, including visitation
Rights, of another parent or family member.

http://search.yahoo.com/r/_ylt=A0oG7.../pkprevrem.pdf

First, without a standing court ordered and recorded custody decision, there is no such thing as parental kidnapping. Parents are seen as having equal "rights" to the child and either can go where they want, when they want with that child at any time. If, however, one parent removes the child to a second or unknown location, the purpose of which is to deny the custody or visitation of the other parent, even without a standing custody decision, it is considered parental kidnapping. In such situations, while warrants for the arrest of the absconding parent and the return of the child are being issued, the left behind parent will also be granted emergency custody.

Moving to another state or location with the child, after duly notifying the other parent is NOT kidnapping. Non-notification of the impending move is RARELY sufficient in and of itself to have kidnapping charges immediately filed, as long as the new location is not secret. Usually, a judge will give the departed parent opportunity to produce the child. Violation of this order IS parental kidnapping. However, moving without notification usually ends up with the left behind parent being granted physical and sometimes sole custody, often with supervised visitation only for the parent who moved without going through proper chanels.

What Parental Kidnapping IS and IS NOT

Its ALWAYS best to seek the courts approval BEFORE making a move like this. Even if the other parent agrees they can always recind that agreement and file in court of jurisdiction which will be the state the other party just left.

In a perfect world it may work as you had stated but this world is far from perfect and the OP has stated that problems already exist.