What is the legalities to relinquishing rights of a child whom you feel you can not fulfill an obligation to because of not knowing the child and not being able to comply with conservator rights. And also when rights are relinquished is child support still paid?

I think your last question is the premise of all your questions. You want to know if, by terminating your rights, you would still required to pay child support. I do not think that a judge will allow termination of rights in order to avoid paying child support. In fact, judges take a very dim view of such actions. There are laws preventing such petitions.

Why do not know this child? Why are you not able to "comply with conservator rights"? What is preventing you from being in that child's life?

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Originally Posted by kpgray22

And also when rights are relinquished is child support still paid?

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Hello kp:

Yes! So, when you relinquish your rights, you give up everything and gain nothing. Why would you want to to do that?

excon

Reason relinquishing rights is for the fact that I have no idea who this child is. Reason for that is his mother never told me she was pregnant. I found out from a 3rd party source after I had left for basic that she had the baby that same month. She maintained the story that the child belonged to her then boyfriend and told me I was no where in the picture. 8 months later she tells me I am the father and test comes out possitive. Now for all you know it alls my answer is simply this. I am fully aware of what it does to a child to believe someone is his father and find out months or even years later that he is just a man there. I ask about relinquishing my rights simply for the child's sake. I worry about the child because I was the kid who believed he had his real father standing in front of him and I would have rather never known the difference. So why will I step into a child's life a year later after he already has a father. Im not skipping out on any child support. I get paid for kids I'm in the Army. They advance your pay for each child. So why would I worry about child support. Im looking to pull myself out of a picture that a child should never see in the first place.

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Originally Posted by shygrneyzs

I think your last question is the premise of all your questions. You want to know if, by terminating your rights, you would still required to pay child support. I do not think that a judge will allow termination of rights in order to avoid paying child support. In fact, judges take a very dim view of such actions. There are laws preventing such petitions.

Why do not know this child? Why are you not able to "comply with conservator rights"? What is preventing you from being in that child's life?

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I believe I answered this thoroughly in the last post on my question. I do appologize if I come across wrong. And to be honest it seems as if you are disgusted that I would pull myself out of a child's life. Question to you is do you fully understand my question and reasoning or are you taking a mothers stand point on this position. I do love my son that I have now. I was there for his entire life from the second he was born and hopefully I'll be there to congradulate him on lifes accomplishments but with being in the army<hense the reason of not being able to be in the child's life> it might put a damper on things if I don't come back from iraq. But nonetheless The child I will be relinquishing rights to does not know me. I will not be able to fulfill the rights they say I am "forced" to have. I just don't want to hurt this child anymore then what consequences already have.

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Originally Posted by excon

Hello kp:

Yes! So, when you relinquish your rights, you give up everything and gain nothing. Why would you wanna to do that?

excon

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Your question to me is the same as the lady above this one. I am unaware of anything about this child vise versa with the child and me. But I'm a bastard son as well. I know what it felt like to think a man was my father and then find out he just took some other s place. It ruined a big picture for me and family life. So I'm going to let the child live with the father he already has sense I have seen them and know they are happy. Why would I ruin happiness its hard to find and the child is better off with him not me. Im military meaning I will move a lot and the chance of me getting full custody in tx are pretty slim. Plus that fight would put the child into an emmotional drain dropping him into nothingness possibly causing him to run wild and act as if he careless for the law or anytype or authority. Call my bluff but check the stats. Stats don't lie they are just reviews of others lives.

I am so sorry to hear of your unfortunate circumstance but I have to say as a mother at the age of 16, my baby's father was really not in his life, hardly at all, but he always knew who he was. We talked about him often and kept pictures hung up on the fridge of the two of them together (the few we had) and when my son was 2mo old I started daiting someone and 2yrs later we were married now my son is 5 and half years old and he always knew who his father was even when he was not around. He also knew my boyfriend/husband was his daddy too. And I'll tell you what, it has made him a much happier healtier young man because of this. He has love coming in from so many directions. And you know cirimstances change over time. Maybe you cannot be there for your son now or even 2 or 3 yrs from now but I'll tell you what, when you do come home, he'll be there. It won't be easy at first but he'll know who you are and as he gets older he will understand why you weren't there when he was young and he will look up to you for that. I think you should talk to the mother and her boyfriend and keep it open and honest and let them know that you are grateful for him being there to take care of your son but you will continue to support him not because it is your obligation but because you are his father and love him and that you would like her to always remind him of you and send videos home when you can talking to your son and reading him bedtime stories. If this woman is a good mother to your child and wants the best for him then she will do this, maybe not for you but for this child. I hope this has helped and keep me posted about this situation. If you need to talk to someone you can email me [email protected] and I will be happy to try to help you.

Yea unfortunately the chance of ever seeing him or him knowing who I am is slim to none. His mother doesn't want me to have anything to do with him. No pictures of him or anything. So...

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Originally Posted by kpgray22

So....

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Hello again, kpg:

So what?? Of course, if you say it's so, then it is. But, in the real world, it isn't. You're kidding yourself.

The mother doesn't want... the mother doesn't want... Who cares what the mother doesn't want?? Uhhhhhh, dude! The mother ISN'T in charge. Course, if you go away, then she is.

You don't want to fight for your kid, OK. But, it's YOU, not the LAW that's making that decision.

excon

If you had stated your question in the fullness you followed with, then it would have made better sense. Yes, I was critical because it came across and you wanting to ditch your responsibilities. It still sounds kind of "whiny" - you are the Father and if you truly want to see this child, who is to stop you? The Mother of the child? She only has so many rights and you also have so many rights. You have the right to see your child. Excon said it right, only you are stopping yourself.

Now for some empathy. Yes, I do have some for you. When I was in college, this kind of situation happened more often than not. The girl was pregnant and she did not know yet, her boyfriend was sent to Vietnam, when she found out she was frantic, hooked up with another guy and the original boyfriend never knew the wiser than the child she was bearing was his. It is dirty playing on the part of the woman. The guy deserves to know what is going on. Then whatever choices are made are made together and, hopefully, for the better interests of the child. Not all couples should be together for the sake of a child. There are times life is better with only one parent.

You ask if I understand you situation and I do. So I am going to ask you if terminating your parental rights to this child you say you do not know will affect the child you have now? Is having the child you are raising now ANY part of your desire to sever any ties to the previous child? Do you feel that acknowledging and being involved in the other child's life would some way negatively affect your relationship with your child who is with you? Are you worried that your attention would be divided? That there would be jealousy in your family? Any embarrassment to you as your past would be brought forth for all to know. But perhaps they know it anyway. Just a question or two or three.

That being said. Take your concerns to a Family Law attorney. Express yourself as well as you have here. Your reasons make sense but I am not the one would grant your petition. Find out if you even have a good legal leg to stand on.

So I will leave you with this caveat - knowing you have a child that does not know you may come back to haunt you someday. How would you explain that to a young adult standing at your door, wanting to know what happened and why it happened. You have a great opportunity to make a diffference in that child's life. I truly hope you choose to put forth the greater effort. Terminating parental rights does not terminate you being a parent.

Child support must be paid whether you "relinquish your rights" or not. The only way you can truly "relinquish" your rights and not have to pay child support is if someone else adopts the child. Otherwise there really is no such thing as "relinquishing your rights." You can choose not to exercise your paternal rights but that's not the same as relinquishing them.

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Originally Posted by kpgray22

Reason relinquishing rights is for the fact that i have no idea who this child is. Reason for that is his mother never told me she was pregnant. I found out from a 3rd party source after i had left for basic that she had the baby that same month. She maintained the story that the child belonged to her then boyfriend and told me i was no where in the picture. 8 months later she tells me i am the father and test comes out possitive. Now for all you know it alls my answer is simply this. I am fully aware of what it does to a child to believe someone is his father and find out months or even years later that he is just a man there. i ask about relinquishing my rights simply for the childs sake. I worry bout the child because i was the kid who believed he had his real father standing in front of him and i would have rather never known the difference. So why will i step into a childs life a year later after he already has a father. Im not skipping out on any child support. I get paid for kids im in the Army. They advance your pay for each child. So why would i worry bout child support. Im looking to pull myself out of a picture that a child should never see in the first place.

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He's only a year old. It's not going to make any difference to him. IF he were 5 or 6 then it might be a different story.

The child never has to see you, but you have to pay the child support, just have the support taken out of your pay directly to the court which gives it to the mother, and then never call and never visit, You problems are solved, until of course the child looks you in the eye and wants to know why you rejected him and could not be a man and be responsible for your actions.

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

The child never has to see you, but you have to pay the child support, just have the support taken out of your pay directly to the court which gives it to the mother, and then never call and never visit, You problems are solved, untill of course the child looks you in the eye and wants to know why you rejected him and could not be a man and be responsible for your actions.

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Mr. Chuck thank you for that rather rude answer. As to the remark with be a man and own up. I laugh at that. You say I'm not a man but I'm the man who they send across sea's, put a bullet in an alleged al qaida's head so that you and your family can sleep at night. Im sure you are a great person and probably never meant for that to come across the way it did. But I have responsibilities that most people in the states couldn't handle for an hour. Im a medic sir. Meaning I'm the last one that man bleeding internally see's. Im the one that if that man has no chance to live and knows it, get to give the dog tags, name tags, and any other type of verification to the commander. Im one who has held 2 of his best friends in my arms as the life seeps out of their bodies. So in response to your , can't be a man and own up, I most respectively say you are wrong sir. I simply needed guidance from a few people and I got that. I needed a second opinion and I got 3-4 from some very nice people. I appologize for coming across rude but I do feel as if you think I'm trying to skip out of being a father. Im married have 1 child on the way with my wife and have 1 2 yr. old little boy already and am proud of who he is already becoming. I know I could make a difference and I know I could be a good father but I can't be there at all times for that child mainly cause I won't be in the states and or won't be in the state that he is in. So do what wait till he is old enough to fly up to see me. Im sorry sir but unless you have lived the life of the army I really don't think you will understand why it will be hard for me to even send a birthday card. Thank you father but I'm not skipping out if you think that I am simply trying to find an alternative to hurting this child or bringing something on him he doesn't deserve. And I guess my question on child support came across odd as well. I meant are the courts going to actually stop me from sending the child money. I don't want to give up my rights for the child so the other man can Adopt him and then me not be able to give him anything. Do you understand better now father? If not ask more and I will illaberate

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Originally Posted by s_cianci

He's only a year old. It's not going to make any difference to him. IF he were 5 or 6 then it might be a different story.

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Ok. Once again to defend my beliefs which I shouldn't have to do but OK. I am one who at a years old was believing a man to be my father. I found out at 5 years old he was just a man who was there for everything I did. My real dad is military. He moved a lot and was unable to see me, same situation. My thought is I would have rather never known my father wasn't my real father. My dad was a sperm donnor and that's it. Im glad him and my mom left each other and to be honest my real dad is a great man. But he's not my father. You get to know your parents from the ripe ages of 1-2 that's when you really get to know who's who. I won't be able to see this child cause I deploy in 2 months. Not sure if anyone's noticed but bush has decided to send out 21,500 more soldiers and I'm one of them. Straight to the heart of bahgdad. And I'll be gone for around 14 months. The child has a "father" my worries are mental stress for a young kid. He has a great life and great parents. Yes he's my blood. But blood or no blood I'm sorry he's already made a connection with his "father". And I don't want to come between that.

I think you are putting your child's best interests first, from what I've read.

Can you talk to his mother, and see if his "father" would be willing to adopt? If that's the case, there's no issue. You reliquish your rights to him, and his "real" dad, the one he knows, adopts him and legally becomes his father.

Good luck to you, sir. You seem to be a responsible loving parent to try to take care of your child before you deploy. My thoughts and prayers go with you.

[quote=kpgray22]i ask about relinquishing my rights simply for the child's sake. I worry about the child because i was the kid who believed he had his real father standing in front of him and i would have rather never known the difference. So why will i step into a child's life a year later after he already has a father. Im not skipping out on any child support.

i'm here looking for answers to a dad wanting to relinquish his right that i don't agree with. Don't insult a 1yr old child by stating ur doing it for the child. This is more so about you, in not knowing she was pregnant n it being yours. That's understandable, and for the fact that you have not been a part of the child's life. However if you really care and would like to get the know the child and be know as dad then all the effort has to come from you.

I thought my 2 child was from an 7yr relat (now 9). We parted i met someone else, he was good to me, however it didn't wk out. I was pregnant shortly after that time, off on my dates (of prego) i find out 3mos after baby was born, bc signed that my partner isn't the dad it was the other gentleman. Mind you she calls him daddy all in part to my 7yr old calling her dad that. My 2yo dad states he wants to give up right to rid me of his life. He's not willing to take her everyother wkd for whatever reasons, to establish that father daughter relat. He needs to show her that by spending adequate time. Not 3hrs a wk. she's 2 n doesn't understand all that's going on with/about/for her, however him being actively, steadily, frequently, consistently in her life will help as she get older n grows to understand that he is her biological father, n the other man in her life is added love n support n one other person that cares for her!

If i'm not mistaken u can't give up rights unless the other man is willing to adopt. Then again that man is probably already on the bc. You can look into that n maybe they (the couple) would b ok with leaving it that way. (unless they dna u n child legaly n on paper.)

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