Sorry if any of these have been posted here before but I haven't seen any new jokes for awhil so hopefully this will amuse some people for awhile.
A man and his wife travel to Jerusalem. Sadly the wife dies. Tha manager of a morgue says "You can either pay $5000 to ship her back to America or you can have her buried in our wonderful city for only $500." The man thinks for awhile and decides to ship her home. The manager shocked said, "Why do you want to ship her home for $5000 when you can bury her here for $500?" The man replies, "2000 years ago, a man was buried here and rose 3 days later, I just can't take that chance."
A couple get a divorce and have some negotiations about the custody of their children. The judge told them to defend their reasoning for the right of sole custody. The wife replies, "The shildren are mine, I carried them for 9 months and spent hours in labor birthing them, He didn't have to do anything." The judge nods for the husbands defense. The husband thinks for a minute then replies, " Your honor, if you put a dollar in a coke machine and soda pops out, is the soda yours or the machines?"
A married man was visiting his 'girlfriend' when she requested that he shave his beard. He replied, "My wife loves this beard, I couldn't possibly do it, she would kill me!!!" "Oh Please?" the girlfriend asked once more in a sexy little voice... The girlfriend asks once more and he gives in. That night he crawls into bed with his wife, while she is sleeping. She is awakened, feeles his face and replies, " oh Michael, you shouldn't be here, my husband will be home soon!"
There is 3 for now.
