I have married for 6 years, the sex life was never fabulous and became worse after trying to have a baby (We tried for several years then gave up). Now we live apart because of work reasons,(6 months now) in 2 different states and when we see each other (one weekend a month) we do not have sex. I use to beg him to be different, I would beg for sex in other words and he would be to tired, his back would hurt whatever. Sex became a chore and he rarely did he ever care (after we were married) about my enjoyment. I put up with it, complained a lot to him but after awhile I have become numb. When we are together, I am not happy... irritated & not attracted to him, and dread the fact of him coming home to visit. I recently spent some time with him and I felt like I was with a stranger, no lovemaking... no laughing, nothing. I have come to see that he lies to everyone about almost everything because of either pride or desperation. I know that he has lied to me about certain things, we have separate finances (his idea because he is afraid I would spend all his money), we are just so "not a team" and I find myself wanting to move on. I do not know what to do.

Where do you want to be in one year? With him? Without him? If you are done with the marriage (and you have separate finances so I would assume you are self-supporting), file for a divorce... and end the agony.

If he's not willing to make the marriage work with or with out marriage therapy then why should you waste your young years on nonsense. Yes it will be hard in the beginning but at least you know you're not "married" attached to him and that you can meet someone who can appreciate you for who you are and respect you for who and what you are.

Listen one other MAJOR FACTOR is that you live in different states! DUH! How will the marriage work if you live in different states! One of your has to suck it up and sacrifice and move to the other state. You should also know that men are animal no matter how good or bad they are, they are always hungry for sex so if they don't get it from their spouse then definitely they will get it else where. Especially when he lives in a different state. So you got 2 choices,

1. if you want the marriage to work then move to the other states, talk it over with your husband about your decision.

2. If you are really fed up with him and you don't want to make it work and you are sick and tired of him and think that there is no chance then file for divorce.

Good luck. Let us know with the outcome.

Yes, file for divorce.
How did you feel the instant you read that? Relieved or sad? If sad, don't take my advice. You alone have to answer this question. And you can certainly 'ask' for a divorce but if he says no, you are free to get one anyway.

I'm curious about the statement '.. he lies to everyone about almost everything because of either pride or desperation.' Can you explain that a little more? (Use Answer, not Comment.)

Some men lose interest in sex when trying to have a baby; some even lose interest just getting married. They may not realize that they need the proverbial chase and win to keep excitement alive.
Others feel that their manhood is lost because a baby isn't being conceived, that they aren't virile.
Or.. he could be having an affair, could be depressed, could be truly worried about work, could be truly tired, could be simply out of love, could be following in his parents' footsteps. Any number of things. Long distance relationships are very hard for everyone.

It would be nice if you could open some communication by gently asking what is feelings are about your entire relationship and even more gently offering some areas that he might be stewing about. He might not even be aware of what he is feeling.

Comment on joypulv's post

To answer about the lying- simple day to day things because he is embarrassed because it is not the life he should be living. Things that one should not lie about. It seems like he is so unhappy with who he is that he feels the need to be dishonest.

I do think my husband will cheat, I am afraid I will if I do not get on the same page in the bedroom with him. Even when we see each other, once a month, we are not connecting. He wants to have a quickie and I rather cuddle with the dogs. I am grossed out by the way he is unable to have any romance whatsoever... the other night I was out with girlfriends and was flirting up a storm with a cutie, I have not done that ever and it felt good, I do not want to be unfaithful, but I am in mid-thirties and becoming desperate

Lonely lisa, you have to sit down and talk to him about where you stand in your marriage... and try not to argue, suck it in and hear him out, if you are not on the same page then you either work it out or fine for a divorce

Lying to himself and others is a serious thing. You must stay true to yourself and only then you will be making clear decisions in your life.

See my previous comment, speak to your husband see where you stand. You're acting this way because you are not getting enough attention you should at home. Draw the line with him ASAP before you do something stupid.

Get a lawyer, and get your divorce.