I am writing this out of pure desperation. My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year now. We recently moved in together and have been living together for about 5 months. He is 20 and I am 19. Ever since we moved in together things have not been the same. He is not even close to being as affectionate as he use to be towards me and although I knew this was going to change once we moved in together I didn't think it would this much. Our main problem at least it is one for me is that we hardly ever have sex anymore and if we do it is probably because I guilted him into it. We have been fighting a lot and I do everything I can to not nag at him but its just so hard when I need him to be there for me. I have questioned at times if he is gay or if he is cheating on me but I just don't think that is the case. I am 5'3 and 120 pounds. I have brown hair and blue eyes. I would like to think I am attractive but him not having sex with me makes me feel so ugly. Makes me feel like maybe he isn't attracted to me mentally anymore so therefore he isn't attracted physically either? I have never had this problem before with me wanted sex more than my boyfriend. It just hurts me so much. I am completely in love with him, love everything about him just than what has been happening lately. He plays hockey and goes to school but I don't see how that would be enough stress to not want to be intimate with me. I go to school and work and I'm not stressed enough to not have sex. If anything it should be something to relieve stress. I just don't know what to do anymore. All I know is I can not spend another night crying while he watches TV and passes out. I don't even know if I explained this in a way for anyone to understand. If you have any questions feel free to ask.

Thank you

Aww, Hunny! Your beautiful, I'm sure of it. ;)
For one thing, Sex is supposed to be spontainious... If it's planned, it's just there, you know it's coming, and some people worry about doing something wrong, or what not.
Here's my advise to you... Go out and by something crazy sexy for your man, Something that shows a LOT. Go home, make sure he's not there, put on the outfit (Langray) and start cooking dinner. When he comes home, you'll still be making dinner, that way, he can watch you around the kitchen. Men LOVE that. Set the table before hand, dim the lights, and break out the ALCOHOL! Lol Perferable wine. TeeHee! (Unless you can't get that yet... maybe find someone that can get it for you?) You both will sit down and enjoy your meal together. Ask him about his day, and flirt with him during your meal. When it's over, go to his side of the table and start rubbing his shoulders (Seemingly that he's a hockey player, I'm sure he's Sore)... Start with that, wisper in his ear, stuff like "Baby, you seem stressed, let me help you" and other flirtatious stuff like that. Next, give him the eye... Let me define the "eye"... The eye is a tool Women used in many many different ways. In this case, for example, it's the "hungry" look, like you want it, and you want him to give it to you. ;) Don't make it so obviouse though... just hint him, he's a big boy, he can figure it out.. . But if he doesn't take the bate, don't get upset, sometimes men don't really think things though. If he doesn't want sex, then just sit with him, in your sexy landury and talk with him... Sometimes, even talking, grows to be physical. Lol Hope I've helped. If you have any questions, feel free to ask. :D

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Originally Posted by anonymous1323

all i know is i can not spend another night crying while he watches tv and passes out.

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Passes out? Let's talk about that. Passes out from what? Fatigue? Drugs? Alcohol? A medical condition?

o.Q Um, I'm sure it's fatigue. He's tried. Lol

Do you work? Go to school? What do you do all day?

It could very well be the exhastion hon.
Also it may be that you guys' sex life has gone flacid. No excitement. No rush.
Have you thought about spicing it up? Get some toys? Have sex in some... odd places? Lol. Or even fondle each other quietly in a movie theater (descreetly, if you go TOO far its illigal lol)

Find some way to bring the life back in. it happens to a lot of people when they move in, and realise they can have sex any time they wish, it just loses its exuberance

A busy schedule can play havoc with a persons sex drive.
School is almost always stressful and for sure hockey is going to make you tired.

It could be a combination of this and other factors as well.
Drug or alcohol use can dampen the drive also.

Fighting is certainly not going to help nor being accused of cheating or being gay.
If you were trying to throw water on the fire , those would be a good start.

Have you sat down and had a calm , serious discussion of the matter? A good relationship has to be based on honesty, trust and understanding.
Communication is the key to achieve these.

You might start by simply telling him you feel neglected and why you do. Emphasize you want to find answers , not fight about it.
If you can get to the point where you can discuss issues in a conversational manner you will have gone a long way to building a strong happy relationship.

Speculating and assuming will usually make the issue bigger and more problematic than it really is.

Let him know how you feel and be sure of how he feels. Avoid killing a relationship by trying to guess how your partner feels.

I wish you well.

Does he work? Are you both on the same schedule? As Wondergirl asked, what do you mean by 'pass out'?

Have you talked about having sex at other times than 'bedtime'? Does he show affection in other ways than sexual contact? Do you show affection when you aren't expecting sex? Does he think that is all you want him for-stress relief? If you don't 'guilt trip' him into sex, how long is it before he makes any overtures?

How long was the issue occurring before you started panicking about his sexuality and possible fidelity?

I think you need to back off trying to 'make' him want sex. At this point, you both need to work on your communication skills because he probably would see you being stereotypically seductive as another 'guilt trip'. Look for a compromise. It may be setting a day and time (works for some couples) or it may be spending time just cuddling while watching TV with no expectation of having sex. It is amazing how arousing relaxing and taking off the pressure to have sex can be.

As much as you want your needs met, remember that he has needs too. Work together to find ways to satisfy both of you. Don't get so caught up in one aspect of the relationship that you lose sight of why you are living together in the first place.

As one of our Adult Sexuality Experts, Synnen, says so well, 'if you can't talk about sex, then you shouldn't be having it.'

I think you need to sit down and talk with him about it tell him exactly how you feel and listen to how he feels. If he's not attracted to you anymore you should move on because you deserve someone who treats you great but talk with him first :)

I'm no expert on this but I too have been threw this... so I hope that I can help... when me and my boyfriend first got together we couldn't stay off each other, we couldn't even get threw a whole movie... lol... everything was perfect, we talked about everything and anything. We told each other our fantasy's our deepest secrets. Yes we did have disagreements but we handled them like adults. Fighting only makes things worse, and doesn't solve anything only makes a bigger problem.In that situtation I know that it might be hard at times to bite your tongue but think before you act. Words can push somebody away even if you really didn't mean what you said.
Well the thing about our relationship is that when we first got together I knew he was the one. About 6 1/2 half months later he said he still loves me he wants us to be together forever. There was just one little problem he couldn't get it up. I started blaming myself thinking that in the beginning it was too much to fast. So I thought about it he said it wasn't me it was him. Though after so long of this happening you start asking questions is he gay is he cheating. I know I've asked myself that, not him though. We talked about what was going on, how I felt how he felt. That didn't bring our sex life back but it kepted us close as in together. We didn't loose touch with each other. That is important to stay commuicated. If you don't know don't assume. The best way in finding out is asking. The situtation didn't get better for some time. Though I stuck it out cause I love him, but it was do to stress, and some pills he took to keep him hard for longer than needed. (they where from a sex store)
So my advice is if you want this to work is to keep in mind that just because one thing might not stress you may stress another. You both are young so I think staying active (going to the gym together) will help. Why I say that is to get involed with each others lives. If you show somebody interest in there life than they usually will do the same in yours. It sounds like you both live very bissy lifes so it may take you making time to spend with each other to get back in touch with each others needs.Everyday kiss him with passion for at least 10 seconds before he leaves in the morning. He'll be thinking now why did I derserve that. Keep the sex new it will make a difference. Do something that he wouldn't expect from you. That should get his clock back to ticking and get his mind back on you. Then that will make him wonder what you got up your sleave next. I'm not trying to sound mean but guys like new "toys". When the new wears off they just sometimes forget that it needs attention. The same goes for being a girlfriend. If he's use to the same old same old than its just not fun for him, spice it up throw something out there that he wouldn't never expect. Ask him to guess some of your fantasy's that will turn him on. Then you guess some of his or just get him to tell you some. The ones that aren't to off the wall like "having sex in a dressing room". Treat him to it. Guys like for things to be spontanious. Well good luck just remember three simple things *Communitcation-talk things out or just talk *Spontanious-make things new and *Laughter-laugh together... remember to just have fun with whatever you do... live life to its fulliest :-)