I'm having difficulty getting my wife to go to work full time to get us back on our financial feet again . When I bring up the topic it gets to where she is always on the defensive. All of our children are grown and she works part time 2 days a week by her choice. It started as 3 days but she told her boss she only wanted to work 2 days a week. We are sometimes struggling with our finances. I'm thinking of going out and getting another job part time to make ends meet. It's causing stress on our relationship at times. Ant help will be greatly appreciated. Thanks

I'd simply explain to her, by sitting her down at the dinner table or evening out. Tell her how you care for her and your relationship. Try to explain to her that you love and respect her. Ask if something is bothering her (maybe she's ill or has a problem at work). Some women keep certain things to themselves, and don't want to bother their partner about it. Perhaps you just need to lay off the topic for awhile, depending on how often your asking about her working. The most important thing is to be calm, and loving. Honestly there just may be something wrong that you need to find out. I hope it works out, let us know!

When you say your children are grown, do you mean out of diapers or out of the house? If they are still elementary age, then she feels the need to be there for them when they come home from school, and she's right. That is a very important age, even junior high (middle school) and early high school. If we're talking 17, 18, 19, well, then...

You taking on a 2nd job doesn't seem quite balanced and it probably isn't going to help your marriage much since it may create resentment, let alone less time together. Sit down and talk with her, ask her if there's a reason you don't quite understand or know about that she chooses not to work full time. Don't get angry, don't yell or make her feel guilty. If she is adamant that she will not work full time, than tell her you understand and will do whatever you have to do to support her.

Then, cut corners. Go over which items you don't need to have. Like you need gas, water, light, but you don't need cable, so it goes. If you have a house, consider selling it and live in a small apartment. Cut out internet, cell phones, a second car if you have two (hers since she doesn't really need it, 2 days a week to work, she can take the bus), trips to the beauty salon, dinners out, entertainment. Limit your birthday, xmas, valentines day and anniversary gifts to $20.00 or less. When you get invited to go out to dinner with friends explain to them that you'd love to but are on a very restrictive budget so that your wife can stay home. Start a savings account, even if it's only small amounts of money you put in every week, it adds up and earns a little interest to boot. The key is to watch every penny, literally. Get Quicken on your computer and enter every thing you spend and you'll see exactly where your money is going and it will give you a better idea of where it should go.

I know it sounds drastic, but it will reduce the stress in your relationship and keep you from having to take a 2nd job. Walks in the park are free and an inexpensive home made picnic will give you two what you're really missing, time and togetherness.

Sit down with paper and pencil and work out a budget, everything that has to be paid.

Then merely ask her which of these items she would like to not do or have.

First you may well find that you have plenty of money on a budget, or she will see that she can either work more or get rid of the new car or don't have cable TV

There must be something wrong with you budget if your kids are grown and your broke. You need to go over your expenses and eliminate the things that you don't need. Live within your means, or her working and your second job will mean nothing. Its not how much you make, but how you use it.

I am having the same problem. Also 40, but I took care of my wife for the last 20 years of our marriage. Now, we have a chance to make good money and get our retirement on the right track. I pulled out a 401(k) loan and put her through a trade school. Her new career should pay around 50K to 60K fulltime, but she is resisting getting a job. Every time I mention a job opening she says "I applied for that job last month." She gets very angry as soon as I even ask if she has looked today for any openings.

Do not "lay off the subject". I have been laying off the subject for the last 6 months. When is it going to be good time, honestly never. No one wants to work, not even I, but sometimes you need to get out there and make some money. If you are struggling then it should not even be something you need to bring up gently.

I would suggest taking more control over the fiancés of the home. Remove your wife form the checking and control all the passwords to you fiancals and accounts. Give her an allowance for budgetted items. No more credit cards for shopping. That would be where I would start...

MereMortal, I hope that in the past five years since this question was asked that they have worked out any issues in their marriage.

If you would like to discuss the issues you are facing and get advice, please start a thread. We would be happy to help you.

Thank you.