My husband and I have had a rough marriage for the entire 35 years, however, I have tried to make it work so many times, I can't even count them. He has gambled or given away everything we have. Taken bankruptcy, lost our home, I have had 3 cars repossessed (of which I worked and paid him the money for but he didn't make the payments). I've had 4 bank accounts and due to him stealing from me, have lost every one of them. My credit was excellent until her decided to put things in my name and then not pay them. I loved this man and put up with all of these things... until now. I have no home, no money (he took every penny)and no car. I work 50-80 hours a week and have to have a vehicle. I came to the breaking point last night and left on foot in 3 degree weather. Three hours later, I finally reached a friend who came and got me and took me to an inexpensive hotel for the night. She even loaned me her car to get to work today. I am at work right now... I have no idea what to do from here. I am scared and alone. Can anyone give me any idea where I go from here?

The first thing you need to do is consult with an Attorney - and I know it's not easy when you have no money. He/she will advise you according to your State's laws.

If you decide to stay in the marriage you MUST put YOUR assets in YOUR name, not joint names. If he stole money from your bank accounts (not joint accounts) then you need to go to the bank and explain the situation. They will probably advise you to also file a Police Report but if forgery is involved, husband or not, they will return the missing funds to your account - eventually.

What do you want to do? Separate? Divorce? Stay together? Counselling for one or both of you? You sound desperate - do you have family that can help you, a friend, a clergyman you can talk to?

Get yourself an attorney and find out what your rights are? Does he work?
Look up shelters in your area if you have no place to live. What about children. Are they in the area?

I am so sorry for you.

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Originally Posted by joybell

My husband and I have had a rough marriage for the entire 35 years, however, I have tried to make it work so many times, I can't even count them. He has gambled or given away everything we have. Taken bankruptcy, lost our home, I have had 3 cars repossessed (of which I worked and paid him the money for but he didn't make the payments). I've had 4 bank accounts and due to him stealing from me, have lost every one of them. My credit was excellent until her decided to put things in my name and then not pay them. I loved this man and put up with all of these things...until now. I have no home, no money (he took every penny)and no car. I work 50-80 hours a week and have to have a vehicle. I came to the breaking point last night and left on foot in 3 degree weather. Three hours later, I finally reached a friend who came and got me and took me to an inexpensive hotel for the night. She even loaned me her car to get to work today. I am at work right now...I have no idea what to do from here. I am scared and alone. Can anyone give me any idea where I go from here?

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Joybell - if I were you, I'd stay with a friend or a relative for a couple of days to clear my head, regroup, and figure out what your next step will be. You have a job right now so at least there's money coming in and you can feed yourself.

Nobody can really tell you where you go from here but you. I feel for you and what you have gone through with your husband. My only thought is that if you are interested trying to salvage the marriage that you ask him to seek counseling together. But if you are past that point, I guess you need to start thinking about getting your finances in order and plan how you will move forward that way: where to stay, how much money you'll need to get a place, what you will do with your house, filing for divorce, etc.

But my suggestion is, today is today, you can only worry about today. Go stay with somebody and get away from the bad environment you are in so that you can clear your mind well enough to think about where you are at and what you really want to do.

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Originally Posted by jakester

Joybell - if I were you, I'd stay with a friend or a relative for a couple of days to clear my head, regroup, and figure out what your next step will be. You have a job right now so at least there's money coming in and you can feed yourself..

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All good advice BUT if she is thinking of leaving this marriage she MUST protect her legal rights and she MUST do that now. Staying away is putting ammunition in his hands. I'm positive that an Attorney will tell her what the laws are in her State and advise her how to protect whatever assets there are left. I'm not saying she needs to go back "home" but she may possibly have to let him know where she is - particularly if children are involved.

Obviously if she's in danger, it's different.

I don't know what the situation is, if he works, whatever else is going on, but she MUST protect herself legally. Minimally she needs to get any assets she has left OUT of his hands.

What to do when your husband has ruined his credit and because i tried to help him, he has ruined mine. We have been married for 35 years and it has always been this way. I love him but i resent him for the pain he has caused me. What do i do now?

Please don't type in caps - it's the same as shouting at us.

If you want to get over your resentment I would suggest counselling. If you want to get away from him I would suggest an Attorney.

Keep your assets separate.

Thank you to all who have responded to my post. Yes, I am desperate... I have no money or assets. I gave it all to him. No, I have no one to go to. I did go stay at a hotel overnight to think. And I do realize this is ALL my fault. I was blinded by love. I kept telling myself... he will change. Well, after a bankruptcy, three repossessed cars, the electric, gas, and water cut off more times than I can count. I have finally wised up. He is not going to change. There is so much more to this story but for your all's sake, I won't elaborate. I wrote that post because I needed to reach out in hopes that someone would hear me. You did. It's really nice to know that there are people in this world who do. You have really helped me see things more clearly.

Sorry for the caps... I didn't even realize I had used them.

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Originally Posted by joybell

Sorry for the caps...I didn't even realize I had used them.

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No problem - it's one of those etiquette things.

What would you LIKE to see happen in your situation? Leave him, stay, straighten out the credit problems, something else?

I've asked the mods to combine this with your other thread - same problem.

I have no assets. I have given EVERYTHING to him. Honestly, I love him despite his inability to manage money. However, I am afraid too much has occurred to expect a happy ending. I only made these posts in hopes someone, anyone, would hear my plea for guidance. Strangely enough, I feel stronger. Literally, I have no one to turn to. I am in between a rock and a hard place. I have no car... no money to get one and no credit. I can't move out. I have no where to go and can not afford an apt. Not even a cheap, seedy one. I basically work for my insurance and had paid my car payments to him, but he did not forward the money to the appropriate parties... thus I have no vehicle. I am dependent upon him to take and retrieve me from my job. It is a real mess. But I thank you for taking interest in my situation and will certainly consider all suggestions. Peace.

No family, no friends? There is always a woman's shelter (not a good option, most probably). Was your vehicle repossessed? Can you drag his tail into counselling?

Thank you Homegirl 50. Family... none that I can turn to. Can't afford an attorney and free legal help won't take me either. He will not get counseling with me. He goes to a Psychologist for himself (hasn't helped). Yes he works for himself. His job can be financially beneficial one day (but I never see it) and zero for the next 30. Our daughter is 33, but has 3 babies and I can't involve her. I am looking into a shelter, however, they look down on me because we have had money... they don't understand why I need their help; very discriminating. I am stuck but with a lot of prayers and understanding, I will get through this. I am currently saving every penny I can get my hands on. I eat Ramen noodles (25 cents) a day. This is what it has come to from a woman who has eaten at the finest restaurants in the country at one time. My situation is grave, but I have high hopes something will happen to turn this whole situation around. I appreciate your sincere and helpful suggestions.

Jakester, thank you. Very sound advice and well taken. I am saving every dime (literally) I can. I went to a friends overnight, but it is not fair of me to drag her into my mess. So, I have gone back home. I have tried shelters. They are very condescending and actually discriminatory with me. I am not your typical shelter type. My situation is completely out of control. I have no one to physically turn to, but somehow things will work out. What I want and what will happen are two totally different things. I guess if I can get through what I already have, I'll manage to get through this as well. Bless you for caring enough to answer me. Believe it or not, it really helps.

Kepp us posted.
I wish you well.

You need a solid plan of action, that meets your needs for work, and shelter, and food that you can count on, until you can take that second step.

While I understand your reluctance at dragging any one else into this mess, a friend who can help for more than one day, or night maybe helpful, and if nothing else a source of support while you put a few paychecks together.

Personally, I would boot him out in the cold for a change, something that should have been done long ago, while you take complete control of your situation. It takes time, and the important thing is that you have a plan that works for you, to your benefit, if not his. Keep your head up, you will get through this, and be stronger for it, as long as you never give up on yourself.

Lawyers, counselors and whatever else can come later when you are warm and fed, but for now, consider yourself in survival mode, and be as selfish as you need to be for self preservation.

And I will add that there is no typical shelter type. Women of all circumstances need assistance.