Ask Me Help Desk - Now What

Now What

So here is my story

My friends and I went to a concert in June. I met the nicest guy. We started dating and hanging out all the time. He has spent the night at my house, gone to family functions with me and I have completely fallen in love with him. Then, just after Christmas I found out that he is married with 2 kids. I broke things off with him immediately. But now I feel lost. He was such a big part of my life for so long. I just don't know how to move on. Can someone give me some thoughts. I have not called him, but I want too.

What the heck..? Now I am confused??

Tuscany... do you have an alter ego?? Eeek what's going on??

Sorry, JBK I will just keep answering your post. I am sure your name will reappear as the one with the question.

First, I am so sorry that had to be an incredible shock and heartache. I once saw a show about breakups and they said that we tend to mourn the person we THOUGHT, they were, not who they really were.

I applaud you and you should be so proud of yourself, that despite the pain you are feeling, once you found out, you choose to do the right thing. When you feel so sad and at your worse, just hold on to that.

Please stick around, there are incredible people here that can give you great support and advice.

So sorry for your heartache.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JBKfuntimes

So here is my story

My friends and I went to a concert in June. I met the nicest guy. We started dating and hanging out all the time. He has spent the night at my house, gone to family functions with me and I have completely fallen in love with him. Then, just after Christmas I found out that he is married with 2 kids. I broke things off with him immediately. But now I feel lost. He was such a big part of my life for so long. I just don't know how to move on. Can someone give me some thoughts. I have not called him, but I want too.

Stay the course. Fill up your time with whatever activities you can think of. Enlist your friends, take up a hobby, get out of town, do whatever you have to keep moving forward!! YOU WILL BE HAPPIER LATER IF YOU DO NOT LET HIM BACK INTO YOUR LIFE.
HE IS A LIAR AND A CHEAT. Find someone who deserves you and someone that is worthy of you. Be strong.

Wow... I left to push into a class... and came back another person... please nobody tell my husband.

JB sorry about your situation. It is a tough one to be in finding out like that. Please know that you are doing the right thing by not calling him. In this forum we call it the no contact rule. It seems to be highly effective in helping those get over their heartache. It is important to know that you are not alone. Rely on your family and your girlfriends right now.

Best of luck to you...

<<I met the nicest guy>>

Well obviously he was not , what a b*****d.

Thank your lucky star you found out now!

It was a nice side you saw of him, you have seen the real truth now. I would be glad it happened now, than further down the line.

I don't know what th malfunction is but its being worked on.

ToJBK,
Leave the married men alone, and be cautious in the future as you fell pretty deep for a few months of the relationship. He has lied once so don't you think he will again? He cheats on his wife so what makes you so special that he won't cheat on you? Lets see, lying, cheating, adultery, so what is he so good at that you want him back? He IS off limits, get your own man. You deserve better.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JBKfuntimes
My friends and I went to a concert in June. I met the nicest guy.

False. You met a guy that lied to you. You met a guy that strung you along. You met a guy that used you. You met nothing that resembles a nice guy.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JBKfuntimes
We started dating and hanging out all the time. He has spent the night at my house, gone to family functions with me and I have completely fallen in love with him. Then, just after Christmas I found out that he is married with 2 kids

.
To drive my point home, you also met a terrible husband and horrible father.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JBKfuntimes
I broke things off with him immediately. But now I feel lost.

My guess is you don't feel lost, but rather confused.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JBKfuntimes
He was such a big part of my life for so long. I just don't know how to move on. Can someone give me some thoughts.

I don't mean to knit pick here but he was a part of your life for 7 months. I'm not saying your aren't hurt because I know you are. But he wasn't a part of your life for a long time. Yes this hurts now but you were lucky in a way that you found out after 7 month as opposed to a couple of years like some people do.

As far as moving on, focus on what you like to do and do it. Entertain yourself and hang out with the family or friends. Start working out. You'll feel really great if you start doing that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JBKfuntimes
I have not called him, but I want too.

No don't. He doesn't deserve your call. Quite honestly, you don't deserve to be "beaten up" anymore so you must end it. If you go back to him you could get caught in a cycle that so many other people get caught in. They believe whatever he says and are stuck holding on for that eventual divorce that never happens.

Furthermore your better than a mistress so why even consider it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Allheart

I once saw a show about breakups and they said that we tend to mourn the person we THOUGHT, they were, not who they really were.

Exactly. This is quite often the case and when you are in a state of shock and grief, you often look at only the good things and not the bad.

In time though, you begin to remember the bad too once you are somewhat free from the initial confusion when a loss occurs.

JBK, I say leave the married men alone. This guy is a snake and you deserve much better than this. Be glad you found out after 7 months and not 7 years!!

Hey! Was this thread started by Tuscany or JBK, I am confused??

Quote:

Originally Posted by Allheart

First, I am so sorry that had to be an incredible shock and heartache. I once saw a show about breakups and they said that we tend to mourn the person we THOUGHT, they were, not who they really were.

To add to that, we also tend to mourn the perso WE made THEM out to be, and now who they really are. Many times love or even just emotional feelings blinds us or allows us to make excuses for the other even when red flags start popping up. We wind up mourning a person who doesn't even exist.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JBKfuntimes

So here is my story

My friends and I went to a concert in June. I met the nicest guy. We started dating and hanging out all the time. He has spent the night at my house, gone to family functions with me and I have completely fallen in love with him. Then, just after Christmas I found out that he is married with 2 kids. I broke things off with him immediately. But now I feel lost. He was such a big part of my life for so long. I just don't know how to move on. Can someone give me some thoughts. I have not called him, but I want too.

To go along with most of the other folks that have replied... you didn't meet a nice guy. You met a liar, and a sorry excuse for a man. Don't call him... there are REAL nice guys out there (like me... LOL). You just have to give yourself time to get over what he did to you.

Wow. He knew the right moves. Doesn't he sound a lot like Scott Petterson who managed to fit in with his love interests family? Yes its okay to grieve. You basically had your heart ripped out and that hurts. But time does heal. He lied like a rug to get what he wanted and laid it on thick didn't he. All you're guilty of is trusting the wrong person. The fact yiu broke it off says volumes about your character. You not only thougth about yourself but also his wife and children which is more than he did.
Give yourself time to heal. You'll need it. But don't let it sour you on the truly good men out there. Because there are honorable men out there. You'll be more cautious which is okay too. Once burned twice learned. Listen to your head more than your heart. Your heart for all its good intentions is kind of blind in the love department.